A Noble Heart
by Lady Shandara
Summary: Death, betrayal, redemption, a motley crew of Wardens and at least five different kinds of darkspawn behind each corner. A typical day in Amaranthine for Sarah Cousland. I hopped on the FemCousland/Nathaniel-bandwagon and it feels good. Reviews welcomed.
1. The Prisoner

**Chapter 1 – The Prisoner**

Sarah Cousland rubbed her arm. Even though Anders had healed it, it was still a little bit sore. It would heal on its own, however, and she didn't want to bug the mage any more that night. He had, after all, just survived his Joining and deserved a good night's sleep.

The Joining… Sarah had hoped that Mhairi would've made it. She had rather enjoyed her company on their journey, and it would've been nice to have another woman Warden by her side. But perhaps it would've been a very unwardenlike ceremony if everyone had lived.

"About the prisoner," seneschal Varel said, and Sarah focused her attention. In all honesty, she just wanted to sleep, just like her mabari was doing. Floyd had curled up in front of the fireplace, and was doing the dog version of snoring. Sarah wished she could also curl up by the fire, or preferably under a blanket, but it was clear that the seneschal wanted to get things going again. Things had been going quite well, she'd learnt, until the darkspawn attack. She had been told she would be taking control of a perfectly organized Keep; instead, she found herself with a pile of dead soldiers and the mystery of the missing Wardens to solve on top of arranging all the funerals. And Alistair, well, Alistair couldn't help her much.

He had looked very royal, Sarah had to admit, riding to the Keep in front of the small army, which, as armies often are, was horribly late. Others had bowed in front of Alistair, she'd hugged him. A hug between friends, nothing more, she would have to remind Oghren, who had managed to make an impossibly high amount of suggestive gestures during the one hour that Alistair had spent at the keep.

She found it strange that so many people thought there was, or had been, something going on between her and Alistair. They were both Wardens, yes, and they had spent quite a lot of time together, travelling, fighting darkspawn, talking by the campfire. But from the start they'd been more like brother and sister than two people thrown together by winds of destiny, finding each other in the middle of tragic events that could change the world forever.

"Maybe I should marry you," Alistair had told her when they'd been discussing his current predicament before he left the Keep. "After all, you made me king, so this is partly your fault."

"Things aren't that bad, are they?" Sarah had asked, laughing. "I mean… Isn't there really any noble girl you like?"

"_Like_ as in 'just marry' or 'marry and actually be able to live with'?" Alistair had sighed. "You at least I get along with."

"Yes, but all the marital duties…" Sarah had made a face. "Can you even imagine it?"

"Not really," Alistair had admitted. "It would be like… You're like a sister to me. The nice kind of sister, not like Goldanna. Although, when you think of it, most royal bloodlines are so inbred that marrying someone who only feels like a sister is practically normal."

"Yuck," Sarah had said, which had made Alistair laugh heartily. "I'm sorry I made you king," she had added, smiling a little. "But you'll be better than Cailan. And certainly it'll be better to have you than Anora on the throne. You haven't thought about marrying her, have you?"

"Maker, no!" Alistair had looked almost shocked. "I guess I'll just have to keep looking. But you know, dating is quite difficult when you're king."

"Well, I met lots of noble girls, some of them nice, when my mother still dragged me to all the social gatherings," Sarah had said. "Maybe I could find out what they're up to, see if someone's suitable?"

"Warden-Commander and a matchmaker," Alistair had laughed. "I'm going to miss you, you know."

"And I'll miss you," Sarah had said and they'd hugged. Then his guards had shown up, telling him they would have to leave if they wanted to catch the ship. Alistair had muttered something about being the bloody king and that ships would just have to wait for him, but had then headed out, saying goodbye to Oghren on the way. And then he had been gone, leaving Sarah feeling very tired and alone.

"Sorry, I was…" Sarah mumbled as she realized Varel was staring at her and she had no idea what he'd just said. "I wasn't listening. The prisoner?"

"He broke in and wounded three people before he was captured," Varel explained. "It took four Wardens to take him down, so he's dangerous. And the last words he muttered to me before refusing to speak at all were 'I will find a way to kill your Commander'."

"So not a big fan of the Wardens, then?" Anders said, appearing behind them. "Sorry to bother, I was only wondering where the kitchen is," he added when both Sarah and Varel turned to look at him.

"Through that door and to the left, "Varel said and the mage nodded.

"I don't know, maybe it was slaughtering darkspawn or the horrible thing you made me drink at the Joining, but I'm starving," he grinned.

"Probably both," Sarah said and was awarded a bright smile from the mage. "You should rest."

"I will, don't you worry," Anders said. "I don't want to disappoint you tomorrow with my… performance."

"Please, leave the double entendres to Oghren," Sarah said. Anders seemed to ponder on this and then looked at her, cocking his head.

"I do believe I could do the double entendres, since Oghren's specialty seems to be single entendres. I, for one, haven't had any trouble understanding what he's implying."

"Perhaps you're right," Sarah said. Anders smiled at her again and then headed to the direction Varel had pointed. Sarah turned back to the seneschal, who was rubbing his temples, looking tired.

"I'll go see the prisoner and decided what is to be done with him," Sarah said. "You should get some sleep," she added to the seneschal. "You haven't has what I'd call an easy day."

"Being threatened by a talking darkspawn, that certainly is not easy," Varel laughed. "I'll wait here until you can tell me what we should do about the prisoner. Try to at least find out who he is. There's something strangely familiar about him that I can't put my finger on."

"Alright, I'll see what I can do" Sarah nodded and headed towards the prison. Of course a prison was a necessity in any keep, but there were prisons that were for just holding prisoners, and then there were places such as the dungeon in the estate of arl of Denerim. That place had disgusted her even more than the darkspawn filled Dark Trenches and their horrors, because back in the Dark Trenches she could've comforted herself with the fact that the darkspawn were monsters. It wasn't strange that they tortured and maimed. But to see people, humans, doing things like that to one another… She had wondered how Rendon Howe actually had slept at nights. Or maybe he had needed the cries from his victims to lull him to sleep. She really wished she hadn't thought about that.

She hoped the prison at Vigil's Keep didn't reflect arl Howe's obsession with pain. If it did, she would have to order most of the soldiers Alistair had left her to tear down every single torture device. She wanted nice prison, even though the concept was a little amusing, but nevertheless, a prison that was for keeping prisoners, not destroying them. A prison with the right purpose, like the one they'd had in Highever.

Oh yes, Highever, where poor Fergus had to pick up the pieces all on his own. Sarah wished she could've stayed with him for longer, but the Wardens had called and she had had to leave. At least there had been the funeral. And Fergus already had men rebuilding the main hall when Sarah left. But would it ever feel like home again, when all those people who had made it home were gone?

Sarah shook those thoughts away. There was nothing she could do now, apart from writing Fergus some comforting letters, and it was best that she tried to think of the castle and what had happened there as little as possible. It still hurt, and that pain was not what she needed right now. Thankfully, there was a never-ending array of distractions, such as the mysterious prisoner.

"The prisoner is down here. It took four Wardens to take him down, so it would be best not to go to the cell," the guard said as they walked down the stairs. Sarah nodded, wondering if three Wardens had been a number everyone wouldn't have bothered repeating to her over and over, and followed the man into a room where another guard got up to his feet.

"Warden-Commander," he greeted her, saluting clumsily. "The prisoner is…"

But Sarah had stopped listening to him as soon as she had seen the prisoner. Sitting on the floor of the cell, dark hair pulled back and eyes watching her closely, he looked like he would attack her if he had the chance. Sarah knew him, and even remembered the last time she'd seen him four or five years ago, in some tedious party in Denerim. She hadn't paid much attention to him, since Thomas had still occupied quite a lot of her mind at the time, but she'd always thought that Thomas' older brother was a nice person. Now that nice person was glaring at her, fist clenched and eyes cold.

"I wish to talk to the prisoner," Sarah interrupted the guard. "Leave us."

"Of course, Warden-Commander," the second guard nodded and both men left the room. Sarah turned to look at the man in the cell. He got up and walked close to the bars, still staring at her intently.

"So you're the Warden-Commander, the new owner of the Vigil" he said, his voice low and menacing. He looked like a caged animal, ready to pounce on his master at the first opportunity. She half expected him to snarl at her or to try to scratch her as she walked closer, but not close enough for him to reach her.

"Yes I am, Nathaniel," Sarah said, and saw his eyes widen. "We have met before, you know."

"What…" he stared at her, brow furrowed, but she had no intention of letting him speak.

"You don't even know who I am," Sarah laughed humourlessly. "You've come to kill me because I'm a Warden, and you didn't even try to find out my name."

"You're the Warden who murdered my father over politics! Who caused all the problems in Denerim!" Nathaniel growled. Sarah was almost shocked; the man's voice actually reminded him of hungry wolves they'd have to fight on their journeys months ago. "That was all I heard when I came back to Ferelden and all I needed to know!"

"Then you are a fool," Sarah said and turned to leave.

"Wait!" Nathaniel's voice was still cold, but there was a hint of desperation in it. "How do you know me?"

"How do I know you? Let's start from the first time I remember seeing you. You didn't visit our estate that often, your father usually brought only Thomas along, so I don't think I met you as a child. Or maybe I just don't remember that. Your entire family was at my brother's wedding ten years ago, you should remember that. I know I do. I danced with Thomas. He had just turned fifteen and was nervous and clumsy. I was wearing a really pretty pink dress my mother had bought for me from Denerim. He said I looked pretty and tried to kiss me, but I stepped on his foot. I was thirteen, and I still thought boys were kind of icky."

"You're…" Nathaniel stared at her, realization dawning in his eyes, but she went on.

"My brother and his wife had a child. Oren. My perfect little nephew. Wasn't your entire family in his name-giving ceremony as well? I found Oren and his mother dead, both slain without mercy by your father's men. I found my father lying wounded on a cold stone floor. I had to leave my mother behind as I fled from your father's men, because she loved my father too much to leave him behind to die alone. I stood on a cliff and watched your father's men set fire to my home." She stopped to draw a breath and then stepped close to the bars, staring into the grey eyes watching her from the other side.

"I am Sarah Cousland. Your father ordered the murder of my entire family. And he died at his newly acquired estate in Ferelden after I'd confronted him about all his crimes and after he refused to surrender. He gave me no choice. And you want to kill me for that? Fine," she turned around and walked to the door. "Guard, I need the keys to the cell door."

The guard appeared, stammering something, but Sarah wasn't listening. The rush of blood in her head made her ears hum and she wondered whether the guard could hear the beating of her heart, since it felt like a loud drum. She took the keys and ordered the man out. The guard almost fled, terrified by the look in her eyes.

"You wish to kill me?" Sarah walked back to the cell and opened the lock. Nathaniel hadn't moved form his spot near the bars, but he watched her as she swung the door open and stepped back, spreading her arms. "Kill me then. _Try_."

…

Nathaniel stood perfectly still, not knowing whether he should move or not. It was a trap, he was certain of it. If he made even the slightest move towards her, a mage would appear to blast him with a spell or an archer hidden behind some secret door would shoot him.

And she… The Warden, the little Cousland girl, Sarah, Tommy's crush, for Maker's sake, was standing there, staring at him defiantly. She was armed, but she hadn't made a move to draw her weapons. Maybe it wasn't a trap. Maybe it was his chance for revenge. Perhaps his only chance for revenge.

She hadn't moved, her eyes hadn't left his face. Then the door behind her opened, she turned to look behind her and Nathaniel lunged forward. She spun back towards him, but he caught her off balance, drew a dagger from her belt and spun her around, pressing her back against his chest and the dagger at her throat. He twisted her arm behind her and heard her inhale sharply; maybe there was an old injury he could use to hurt her. He wanted to hurt her.

"Get back!" he shouted at the guards and the old man, Varel, who had clearly betrayed his father and now worked for the enemy. They had stopped by the door, staring at Nathaniel and Sarah. "I just wish to leave. So back away, nice and slow, and make sure the way out of here is clear. Once I'm out, I'll let her go. If you do anything stupid, we'll see how much a Warden can bleed." He wasn't very proud of that last bit, but clearly the clichéd words had an effect on the men.

"You really think you can outrun an arrow shot at you when you let me go?" Sarah muttered as Nathaniel led her up the stairs and into the yard. "Because that is what will happen."

"Shut up," Nathaniel muttered, adding pressure to her arm and making her gasp. She was right, he knew it, but what else could he have done? The moment he had pressed the knife against her throat he'd known he couldn't cut it. He wasn't a murderer. So getting out was the only option left. Get away and run as far as he could, leave behind the tainted name of Howe and live as a nobody, a man without a family and name.

"There are other options," Sarah said as Nathaniel led her towards the gates. The angry eyes of soldiers followed him closely, hands ready to grab arms that they've been told not to touch yet.

"Don't lie to me," Nathaniel growled into her ear, looking around him. He turned slightly and Sarah could see a glimpse of Anders, sneaking behind the nearest building. She had no idea which spell the mage was planning to use, but she readied herself.

"Now we just walk through that gate and…" Nathaniel's words were cut as he suddenly felt his entire body stiffen as energy flowed out of him like a stream. Sarah had been ready and slipped out of his grip, grabbed his arm and pushed the knife away from her throat. As Nathaniel staggered under the spell, she turned and punched him in the face, sending him falling on the ground.

"Don't kill him! Anders, no more spells!" Nathaniel heard her words through haze of red. The pain in his body diminished, but he felt horribly weak. He tried to open his eyes, but his eyelids weren't co-operating.

"The gallows, then?" he heard Varel's voice come closer.

"You said it took four Wardens to take him down. And he surprised me! I'm tired, sure, but still, he surprised me." For some reason's Sarah's voice wasn't scared and it was only slightly shocked. Mostly she sounded excited. "Not the gallows. Find him a room and let him rest. And get everything ready for a Joining. Once he wakes up, I'm going to present him with options."

"The Joining? You plan to make him a Warden?"

"He'd make a good one."

"Are you serious? He…"

Nathaniel tried to keep listening, because clearly he'd heard something wrong. Why would she ever make him a Warden? Why would he agree to become a Warden? Why would he want to be one of those murderous bastards? He tried to force his mouth to open, to protest, but the pain throbbing in his body finally decided to release him and allow him to slip into unconsciousness.

…

Note from the writer: So yeah, I should be working on my Lady Aeducan/Gorim fic, but then came Awakening and during Awakening I spent way too much time positioning the camera so that I could stare at Nathaniel. Especially his thighs. I mean, the rest of him (both physically and personality-wise) is good too, but damn, those thighs when he's wearing that short leather armour… Wow! I played Awakening as an Orlesian Warden (my FemCousland has just left Lothering; she's nowhere near Amaranthine), and therefore I have no idea how the "you killed my father – well, your father killed mine"-tension is going to play out, so I'm making it all up! Reviews are welcome, as always.


	2. The Warden

**Chapter 2 – The Warden**

Nathaniel Howe had loved his father. His fondest memory was of his father teaching him to ride. He'd never forget the fun they'd had, spending those countless hours at the stables or in the woods. His father had gotten him the best education and training possible. True, his father had resented Nathaniel's interest in archery, stating that melee combat was far superior, and more suitable for a nobleman. When Nathaniel had gotten older and read some old books and journals he found in the library, he'd come to the conclusion that his father's resentment towards archery might've had something to do with Nathaniel's grandfather.

His grandfather had been an archer. And a Grey Warden. From all accounts it seemed like he'd made the worst choice possible, abandoning his family to run off to fight darkspawn in an order that had still been viewed as strange or even dangerous. Then Nathaniel had found his grandmother's diary, small, leather-bound book full of tidy handwriting. She'd been proud of her husband, stating that he did what was right, what was best for them all. As the years went by, the tone in her writing had gotten darker, the pride and hope draining away. Perhaps she'd realized that she would have to live her entire life without a loving husband, only because he wanted so badly to do what was right.

The last entries had only cursed Nathaniel's grandfather for abandoning her. She had died the day after the last entry. At her funeral, Nathaniel's father had spoken highly of her, and admonished his own father for abandoning them. Nathaniel had been eight, and had believed every word his father said. He'd believed them so that even reading his grandmother's diary when he was eighteen didn't do much to change his view. Of course his grandmother wrote lovingly of her husband, but Nathaniel had reasoned that the early entries were the result of love overcoming common sense. In her later years, his grandmother had realised that her husband hadn't done right by her. It had to be that, since that was only common sense and that was what Nathaniel's father thought as well.

Nathaniel Howe had loved his father who hadn't trusted the Wardens. And the Wardens had murdered his father… He opened his eyes as the harsh reality hit him. He was at Vigil's Keep, no longer his home, given to the Wardens. He'd broken in, been captured and, well, apparently recaptured. He had threatened the life of the Warden-Commander, who also happened to be the Cousland girl. And he… He was lying in bed in quite a comfortable room.

He sat up and the room started spinning. He slumped back down, closing his eyes and fighting over the nausea that had come out of nowhere. Then he heard the voice.

"Sorry, I thought it was best for Anders to put a ward over you. There are couple of more there, so don't try to move much. Or you can feel sick, get shocked or get a frostbite, depending on which one you trigger. You can sit up, if you do it carefully."

Nathaniel opened his eyes again and they focused on Sarah, who was sitting in a small chair by the door with a book on her lap. She didn't seem to be armed and wasn't doing anything besides from watching him. Next to her was a mabari, resting his head on his pawns, but watching Nathaniel closely. Nathaniel moved to a sitting position slowly, not taking his eyes of her, expecting an attack at any second.

"Not that you're awake, I want to talk to you," Sarah said, at the same time scratching the mabari's head The dog wagged his tail lazily, but kept his sharp eyes on Nathaniel.

"If you're looking for apology or want me to beg for my life…" Nathaniel started, but Sarah did a very noble-like wave with her hand, silencing him.

"I don't need your apologies. I can understand why you did what you did. But I would like to talk about something you said yesterday."

"Talk about what?" Nathaniel asked, narrowing his eyes. The mabari picked up on the change of his tone and small growl rose from its throat. Sarah patted the dog again and it stopped, although it seemed more ready to pounce than it had before.

"You called me a liar when I told you that you have options," Sarah said. "I'm going to prove I'm not a liar. I would like to invite you to join the Wardens."

"Never!" Nathaniel spat out the word. She smiled patiently and he glared at her, waiting for the inevitable death sentence.

"The other option is that you leave."

"What?" Nathaniel almost moved, remembering just in time that she'd warned him about the other wards. What was she playing at?

"You broke in here thinking we – I – murdered your father in cold blood. I already told you, that was not the case. I trust you won't either break in here or attempt to kill me again. If you wish nothing to do with the Wardens, you can just leave. I doubt I can do much to clear the name of Howe, even though _you've_ done nothing wrong, but I can give you freedom."

"Why?" Nathaniel managed to say.

"Why I wish to let you go or why I wish you to join the Wardens?" Sarah seemed to consider this a moment. "I wish to let you go because you've done no irreparable harm and you're not to blame for the crimes of your father, although some people seem to think so. And I wish you to join the Wardens because you would be so _good_. It took four Wardens to defeat you. You caught _me_ off guard, and I don't mean to brag, but that doesn't happen often these days."

"So I can leave," Nathaniel said. Sarah nodded.

"Yes, I think that has been established. Or you can join the Wardens. We need more good men. And women, but candidates are hard to come by on that side. You can show all those who would wish to drag the name of Howe through mud that you are not like your father."

"My father was a great man!" Nathaniel shouted, his fist curling into a ball. "And you killed him only because he opposed your plans of bringing Orlesians to Ferelden! Any sensible person knows the Orlesians are nothing but trouble!"

"Those Orlesian Wardens could've prevented many deaths of Fereldan citizens," Sarah said, staying very calm. "And about your father being a great man… He _was_ a great man, once. But what he became while you were gone…" Sarah looked sad as she got up and walked closer. "He wasn't a great man anymore. I'm sorry, but that is the truth. And the truth for many people will be that all Howes are like him. Join us and prove them wrong. Or leave, and become someone else and forget you ever were a Howe. Those are your options. See, options!" she added brightly. "I'm not a liar. I'm going to let you think about it for a moment. When you've reached a conclusion, come and find me."

"What about the wards?" he called after her as she opened the door. "I can't move."

"Oh, I did lie about those," she said, smiling apologetically. "There was only one and you triggered it already. I'll be in the main hall or in the courtyard. Or... If you choose to leave and use some other exit rather than the main gate… Goodbye, Nathaniel. I'm sorry about Thomas, Delilah and your mother. And… I know you don't believe me, but I'm sorry about your father as well."

With those words, she left the room with the mabari at her heels, closing the door gently behind her. Nathaniel listened to her footsteps echo in the hallway and then disappear. He could hear the guards in the floor below and in the corridor nearby. He was only a few rooms away from his old bedroom, and that made him feel strangely homesick even though it was his home. Former home.

He got up, slowly. He was wearing the same dirty clothes he'd been wearing in the prison, but on the table nearby there were clean clothes as well as his worn-out leather armour and his bow and arrows. He walked to them, touching the bow gently. It had served him well through many battles. Suddenly he realised he wasn't wearing the ring, they had taken it from him as they threw him in prison, and the anger inside him rose, but then he noticed it on the edge of the table as well, glittering in the sunlight streaming in through the curtains. He slipped it on and then walked to the window, drawing the curtains and looking out.

There were men patrolling the grounds, and a dwarf inspecting one of the walls, shaking his head and apparently muttering to himself. He watched two commoners make their way across the courtyard, carrying baskets full of food. Then the mabari sprinted across the yard, hopping after something in the air, probably butterflies, followed by Sarah, who headed to talk to the dwarf inspecting the walls. Nathaniel noticed one of the guards turning to look towards his window and he quickly stepped away from the window. He walked back to the table and looked at his belongings. They had even given him his weapons back, which he still couldn't believe. What was to stop him from going to the window, taking aim and…

He hadn't been able to do it before, he knew he wouldn't be able to do it now either. It felt like almost every part of him cried for vengeance, except for one part which kept reminding him that he was not a murderer. And that part had also started to wonder whether there might be some truth in what he'd been told about his father. Killing the Couslands in cold blood… Why would he have done that? And if he hadn't, why would Sarah Cousland insist he had, instead of finding the real killer?

All those questions and no way of finding answers. Except one. Nathaniel started to reach for his armour and then took the normal clothes instead. It was best not to give the guards any more reason to attack him at sight.

…

Sarah was sitting on the grass and watched lazily as a butterfly fluttered by. Floyd was happy as a puppy, chasing after the butterflies, and even though they were surrounded by workmen repairing the damage caused by darkspawn, they day seemed quite peaceful and beautiful.

"Oh, look," Oghren said, gesturing behind Sarah. "Someone's come to see you. Need me to take off one of his kneecaps, just in case?"

"Not right now, thank you," Sarah said and got up to face Nathaniel, who stopped at a respectable distance. It might've had something to do with soldiers who had all turned to watch him approach. Nathaniel seemed to be quite aware of them.

"What happens if I choose to join you?" Nathaniel asked, glancing around him. He didn't like the way the dwarf was looking at him. Nor did he enjoy the sight of a man in mage's robe walking nonchalantly towards them; the spell last night had hurt and he was still feeling nauseous because of the ward.

"You have to go through a ritual call the Joining," Sarah said. "I'm sorry, but I cannot tell you more about it, in case you decide not to join. It's a secret, as most rituals are," she added with a smile. "There is a chance you won't survive."

"So I can leave, or I can choose to join you and possibly die?" Nathaniel said. "I hope you realise that one of these options seems far superior?"

"At first they might," Sarah said, nodding. "But… Do you wish to live your life as nobody? As someone with no name and no past? They say that in the Wardens your past doesn't matter, but at least you'll be allowed to keep it and remember it. And make a difference."

"The only difference I would want to make is…" Nathaniel started to say, but then shook his head. "Never mind. There is nothing left for me out there. I might as well die in this ritual of yours rather than in the gallows or on the road."

"A bleak fellow," the dwarf muttered. "You sure know how to pick 'em."

"I'll tell Varel you're ready for the Joining," Sarah said. "This is Oghren, by the way. He's a Warden too. "

"Any kind of wrong move and you're going to be in a world of pain," the dwarf said, in such a conversational tone that Nathaniel almost found himself nodding in agreement. It made as much sense as everything else in his life at the moment. Everything since he'd returned to Ferelden had been like a bad dream and he just wanted to wake up and see something in the world besides his nightmares. Or he wanted to fall into deep sleep and never wake up. Would this mysterious ritual grant him one of these wishes? He could only hope so.

…

Nathaniel stood in the main hall in front of Varel, whose expression was impossible to read. Next to Varel, Sarah nodded at the seneschal and then started to speak.

"Join us, brothers and sisters." her voice was steady and she was staring at the distance, like she was reading the words from a text very far away.

Nathaniel stared at the goblet in front of him, taking it from Varel's hands slowly.

"Join us in the shadows where we stand vigilant. Join us as we carry the duty that can not be forsworn. And should you perish, know that your sacrifice will not be forgotten, and that one day we shall join you," she finished softly, giving him a sad smile. He stared at her, then at the goblet, and drank.

It was like his insides were set on fire. His body spasmed and suddenly he couldn't see. Everything went dark and then he saw it, a darkspawn, screaming so loud he thought his ears would start to bleed. Then there were other shapes, darkspawn, filling a cave, screaming and shouting and… Then everything went black.

"He's out again," Anders said cheerfully. "Is he alive? And did I look that stupid when I took the Joining?"

"I think pretty much everyone does. Except for Oghren," Sarah smiled as Varel kneeled next to Nathaniel and told them that he was breathing. She sighed with relief.

"That boy is trouble," Oghren muttered. "He's a Howe."

"I thought you liked trouble," Sarah said, and Oghren grinned.

"Well, if you're giving me the permission to smash his skull if he tries to hurt you, then he's my kind of trouble."

"He's a Warden now," Sarah said as two guards picked Nathaniel up and started dragging him back to his room. "He won't try to hurt me."

"I'm just saying, if he does, his head has a date with my axe," Oghren said. "Wouldn't want anything happening to you now that you're starting to notice the Oghren charm."

"The what?" Sarah looked almost panicked and Anders started to laugh. "Now you're both just being mean to me!" she said, trying to sound hurt. Floyd trotted over and nudged her.

"At least someone loves me," she said and then grinned. "Someone who could take both of you down easily." That threat wasn't much of a threat, especially since Floyd decided to wag his tail and bark happily.

"So, what about the boy?" Oghren returned to the subject that had passed out just a moment ago. "He's supposed to be one of us now, but are you sure you can trust him?"

"Yes. Well, maybe." Sarah hesitated a little. "Look, I knew his brother, and from everything I've heard and remember from the couple of times I met him, he's a good man. So give him a chance. He's lost his father. I think we all act crazy over people we love," she added, and shot a glance at Oghren, who muttered something about sodding women and sodding Branka in particular.

"Alright, boss," Oghren finally said out loud, giving her a very unstable mock salute. "Just tell us when our boy has woken up and we can go and kill us some darkspawn."

"If she's _the boss_ and Nathaniel is _the boy_, what am I?" Anders asked, following Oghren as he headed towards the kitchen, the place where alcohol lived.

"You're the mage," Oghren stated, and Anders shrugged. It was better than most names he'd been called. Sarah watched them go and patted Floyd.

"Aren't we just one big, well, small happy family," she sighed. The coming days would not be easy, she knew it. Nathaniel didn't trust her. That was clear. She wondered how unhappy he'd be to wake up and find himself alive and a Warden. His skills would help them, there was no doubt about that, but how many ghosts did he carry with him and how would those ghosts affect his actions. She thought she had done a pretty good job at leaving her past behind, but every time she thought about the people she'd loved and lost, the pain was unbelievable. Would Nathaniel be able to live with that same kind of pain? That she didn't know yet.

"We'll figure it out, won't we?" she said to Floyd, then looking at Varel, who had gone to discus something with Captain Garevel. Clearly it was something she would soon have to worry about. "We're Wardens," she whispered and Floyd barked happily, although technically he wasn't one.

"Wardens," she repeated, determination in her voice, drawing strength from the word, and headed towards Varel to find out what was troubling him and the captain.


	3. The Groundskeeper

**Chapter 3: The Groundskeeper**

Sarah walked across the courtyard, her eyes focused on the ground. She was aware of a few soldiers passing her by, and registered their questioning looks, but her mind was occupied with almost too many things for her to deal with. There were the problems in the trade routes, and the slightly Wynne-like but a lot scarier Mistress Woolsey had stressed the importance of trade and made it sound like Sarah should be dealing with that problem instantly. Then there were the news of strange occurrences in Blackmarsh, which was rumoured to be haunted, and in addition some hunters had stumbled on something suspicious in some forest somewhere. And then there were the nobles, who would be gathering in the Keep in a couple of days' time, to meet their new... What was she, an arlessa? That title didn't feel right, but neither did the whole situation. She'd hoped that she could've taken command of the place without any political responsibilities, but that was wishful thinking.

She was in charge and it was up to her to make all the tough decisions that affected not only her and the group she'd gathered, but so many people, ordinary people, living on their farms and dreading the darkspawn attacks. She had been prepared to take on that kind of responsibility when father and Fergus had been leaving to Ostagar, but that had been different. She'd known the place, she'd known the people, and she'd known that if anything went wrong, she could always contact her mother. Now she was alone, in a strange place, taking the role of the ruler from Rendon Howe. And she'd recruited his son into the Wardens. The son who'd wanted her dead just a couple of days ago.

But recruiting Nathaniel had been a good decision. Or at least the right decision. She'd been telling herself that over and over. He was skilled and he had nowhere else to go. He was a perfect candidate for the Wardens. It was just that… She wasn't certain if he reminded her more of Rendon Howe and his crimes, or of Thomas and Delilah and all those happy childhood days. She wished that Nathaniel had visited Highever more often, so she'd have a clearer idea of what he was like. Now she'd mostly gone by what Thomas had told about his brother.

She wanted to believe that Nathaniel was as good a man as his brother had been. And that he would make a good Warden. And that he wouldn't try to kill her again. She had enough to worry about without constantly looking over her shoulder to see if one of her companions was trying to stab her in the back.

...

Groundskeeper Samuel drummed the windowsill in his small hovel, glancing nervously out the window every now and then. The new... arlessa, apparently, the Cousland girl, was walking around the courtyard, clearly deep in thought. He'd recognised the girl, well, a young woman now, almost immediately when the battle had been over and she'd walked across the courtyard with a fine mabari hopping at her side. Just like the mabari the Couslands usually had with them when they visited. The girl had visited the Keep a couple of times as a child and for the last time only two years ago, before things started to go really wrong.

Now she was here, as the ruler. And young master Nathaniel was at the Keep as well. Samuel had recognised the boy instantly when the Wardens had dragged him into the prison, but he'd been too afraid to speak out. He'd worried about the by's fate, especially during the darkspawn attack, but he'd survived it.

Samuel had also watched, feeling very worried, as Nathaniel had emerged from the prison with a knife on the throat of the Cousland girl. For a moment Samuel had thought that he'd been wrong about the boy, that he was exactly like his father. But then he'd seen it in Nathaniel's stance, in his hesitant moves; the boy would've never killed the girl.

They'd taken Nathaniel into the main building and he hadn't come out. Was he still alive? What were they doing to him? No torture at least, Samuel thought as he shuddered when he thought about the screams that had come from the dungeon during the last year arl Rendon Howe had controlled the place. So many times Samuel had prayed the Maker that young master Nathaniel would come back and stop his father, stop the screams that made it almost impossible for Samuel to sleep at nights. But the boy hadn't come back. Until now.

Samuel stood up and walked to the door, gathering up all his courage. He would just have to walk to the... arlessa, and ask about Nathaniel, and if it came down to it, beg for the boy's life. Lady Delilah had to hear that her brother was alive, too see him again. And the Cousland girl needed to hear that Nathaniel was a good man who wouldn't harm her. Samuel was willing to bet his own life on that.

...

Floyd stopped and turned around, his stance becoming aggressive. Sarah turned to see Nathaniel approach them. The man was wearing a leather armour and had a bow on his back, and but somehow looked a lot less threatening than he had in the prison, unarmed.

"Easy, Floyd," Sarah said, patting the dog, who relaxed a bit, but still kept his eyes on the man who'd stopped. "How are you feeling?" Sarah asked and was met with a black look.

"I'm fit enough to fight," Nathaniel replied and Sarah resisted the urge to sigh dramatically. He was clearly determined to be as polite and professional as possible, and if he kept doing that for long, she'd probably have to smack him.

"That's good to hear, but how do you feel? After the Joining and all," Sarah said and Nathaniel scowled, clearly unwilling to answer. "Because there are a couple of things you need to know now that you're a Warden. About the Joining and its effects on you," she added. Nathaniel said nothing, but she was determined not to let the silent treatment deter her.

"You're going to have some dreams. About darkspawn," Sarah said, watching him to see how the reacted. Still pretty stoic. "Be glad it's not a Blight, or you'd be dreaming about the Archdemon as well," she added, almost shuddering at the memory of some of her past nightmares. "It's the darkspawn blood, you see, it forms a connection..."

"Darkspawn blood?" Nathaniel was staring at her like she was crazy. "Are you telling me you made me drink darkspawn blood?"

"I gave you the option to drink darkspawn blood," Sarah said. Nathaniel looked like he wanted to protest, but said nothing. "But yes, there was darkspawn blood in that drink. It forms a connection between you and the darkspawn. You can sense them and they can sense you. And..."

"What could be worse than that?" Nathaniel asked, and Sarah hated that she had to tell him this. Oghren had already known it and Anders had taken it surprisingly well, but how Nathaniel would react...

"Although being a Warden means that you've mastered the darkspawn taint, it's still a taint," she said calmly. "In the end, it will take over. How long that takes depends on the Warden, but thirty years is the maximum, I've been told."

"What happens then?" Nathaniel's voice was almost a whisper, but he didn't sound afraid, only... Hopeful? Sarah didn't know what to make of that.

"The taint will take you over, just like it does normal people. Usually Wardens go to the Deep Roads and die fighting the darkspawn. A glorious death," Sarah said, wondering how often she'd have to call it 'glorious' for herself to believe it. Nathaniel clearly didn't, but then he shrugged.

"So I'm dead anyway," he said. "Good."

Sarah tried to think of something to say, but what can you say to a man who is relieved he knows his death is coming. Of course everyone knows they will die, Sarah pondered, but not everyone has a clear schedule. She was trying to think of some kind of encouraging line when a voice saved her from that impossible task.

"Excuse me, I'm sorry to bother, but..." Sarah turned to look at an old elf, who was approaching them carefully. Nathaniel looked surprised and then smiled.

"Groundskeeper Samuel!" Nathaniel said, stepping closer to the man. "Is that really you?"

"I wasn't sure you'd remember me, young master," Samuel said, smiling back.

"Young master?" Nathaniel asked, and the smile on his face was such a change from before that Sarah was almost stunned. "You were never so formal before."

"I guess not, little Nate," Samuel grinned, and noticed how the Cousland girl, who at first had looked shocked, now tried to hide her smile.

"I'm glad to see you're alright," Nathaniel said. "Were you... Were you here when my mother died? And my sister?"

"Your sister? But..." Samuel looked surprised. "Your mother was in Denerim and died when the city was attacked, but Lady Delilah was here. And she's... she's alive."

"What? But I thought..." Nathaniel blinked, staring at Samuel like he couldn't believe him. "I hadn't heard anything from her and she wasn't here or in Denerim, so I thought..."

"She married a merchant and lives in Amaranthine," Samuel said. "She's alive and well, Nate."

"Thank you, Samuel!" Nathaniel hugged the elf and Sarah couldn't help but smile. That was exactly what Thomas would've done.

"I need to see her! I need to talk to her and..." Nathaniel turned to Sarah, but his voice faltered at the end. "I need to find out the truth about my father."

"Well, I need to go to Amaranthine to meet some hunters," Sarah said. "I'll go find Oghren and Anders and we can leave right away."

"Thank you," Nathaniel said, although the words seemed quite hard for him to say.

"Delilah was my friend as well," Sarah couldn't help pointing out. "I'm happy to know she's fine, and I know you need to see her. I'll be right back. Floyd, stay!" she said to the mabari, who barked happily and then turned to look at Nathaniel. Sarah hurried away and Samuel patted the dog, who wagged his tail and then settled on the ground.

"I have to say, the Cousland girl is exactly as I remember her," Samuel said, watching Nathaniel's reactions. "Always dashing from one place to another, and at least three steps ahead of your brother."

"That's what Thomas said, too," Nathaniel sighed. Samuel patted his shoulder than headed back to his hovel. Nathaniel glanced at the mabari, who had rested his head on his paws. He wasn't certain whether the dog had been left to keep him company or to make sure he didn't run off by himself. He reached carefully towards the mabari and was surprised that it allowed him to pat in on the head. He wasn't certain if that was a good sign or not.

…

It had been almost five years since Sarah had last visited Amaranthine. That time she'd been with her parents and the journey had been filled with laughter. This time the journey from the Keep had been filled with Oghren cursing forests and roads and taking swigs of some foul-smelling drink, Anders complaining about Oghren and trying to flirt with her half-heartedly, and Nathaniel keeping completely quiet. The only one who seemed to have enjoyed the trip was Floyd, who'd disappeared into the forests or fields every now and then to chase rabbits or some other poor furry animals.

Sarah glanced at Nathaniel as they walked towards the market section. The man looked nervous and there was a glint of hesitation in his eyes, something she hadn't seen before. Sarah had to wonder how much of it came from fearing what he might learn about his father.

"So, this sister of yours is married then," Oghren said, displaying his skill of starting awkward conversations at worst times possible. "You think she's the faithful type or would some dwarven charm..." His words were cut off as Sarah signalled Floyd, who bumped into the dwarf and almost sent him falling to the ground.

"Maybe you should go alone and we..." Sarah started to say, but a brown haired woman standing close turned around and gave a surprised cry.

"Nathaniel! I can't believe you're here!" Delilah rushed to her brother and hugged her tightly.

"Delilah, I..." Nathaniel stammered. "I'm so sorry, I thought you were dead. If I'd known, I would've come for you sooner. I'm with the Wardens now, it's a long story, but they are living in the Vigil now. You should come with us and stay there until we find you a better place."

"Leave with you?" Delilah looked surprised. "Nathaniel, I'm married. And before you say another word, I didn't marry Albert out of desperation. I love him. Although I have to admit I'm happy to be away from father's evil."

"Father's evil?" Nathaniel looked shocked. "Del, isn't that going a bit too far. He got caught up in politics, but that's not..."

"Caught up in politics? Nate, he... He did more than that. He killed and tortured... Oh, the cries I could hear some nights, coming from the dungeon. One night I fled to Samuel's hovel, you remember how we sometimes went there as children during thunderstorm? Even though the castle was a lot safer but it was so scary and cold? I just cried and cried and he tried to comfort me but it didn't help much."

"Maybe you should continue this conversation somewhere in private," Sarah said when Nathaniel looked like he didn't know what to say. Delilah turned to look at her, her brow furrowed and then she smiled.

"Sarah! I can't believe it's you! Oh, Sarah, I'm so sorry about your family and..."

"Delilah, it's alright. We can talk later, you should talk with Nathaniel now," Sarah said. "I guess you have lots of catching up to do."

"Yes," Delilah smiled. "We do."

"I'll meet you by the Chantry," Sarah said to Nathaniel, who nodded and took his sisters arm, letting her lead him to a near-by house. Anders turned to Sarah and held out his hand.

"Well, we have time to spare, so how about a tour of Amaranthine with a handsome guide?"

"Where can I find that handsome guide?" Sarah asked, but took Anders' arm. The mage looked hurt, but then laughed.

"Trust me, you won't find a better looking guide in all Amaranthine. And…" Anders glanced at Floyd, who was sniffing a message left by a girl mabari, and at Oghren, who was rummaging inside his armour in a way that made Anders not want to know what the dwarf was doing. "…we can pretend we don't know them."

"Don't make fun of my dog," Sarah grinned. "Making fun of Oghren, well, go ahead if you're not afraid."

"Of what? Him passing out on top of me?" Anders smiled. "Now then, my fair lady, let us go see what this city has to offer."

…

"..and that's about all," Sarah finished her story and smiled at Wynne. "Sorry, I guess I got carried away a bit. But it's been a very strange couple of days."

"So it sounds," Wynne replied. "I wish I could stay and help you. Although you do have a very good mage with you. That is, if he doesn't run away."

"Would I do something like that? Why?" said Anders, who was leaning on a pillar nearby and throwing a ball to Floyd. Wynne glared at him, but it was quite a friendly glare. Sarah had noticed that Wynne seemed to like Anders and hadn't been very surprised to hear that Wynne had been one of Anders' instructors at the Tower.

"Why indeed?" Wynne muttered and then smiled at Sarah. "I know you'll do fine. You've always been a smart girl."

"I'm sorry it took so long," Nathaniel had walked up the stairs and to the bench where Sarah and Wynne were sitting.

"I guess this is Nathaniel," Wynne said, watching the man closely. "Seems like the decent sort. And not bad to look at either. "

"Yes, this is Nathaniel. Nathaniel, this is Wynne. She's from the Circle and helped me during the Blight," Sarah ignored Wynne's last comment and made the introductions, while watching Nathaniel closely. There was something different in him, some small thing in the way he carried himself. She wasn't certain what it was, but it seemed that talking with Delilah had helped.

"Nice to meet you, young man, but I really should get going," Wynne said, standing up. "So you will look for Ines when you go to the Wending Wood? Make sure she understands she needs to be in the convention. I've found it hard to get anything through to her when she's obsessing about some weed or another."

"Yes, I'll make sure she comes there," Sarah said and got up. Wynne hugged her, an almost motherly hug that made Sarah think about her childhood yet again.

"Take care of yourself. And of all your companions. Especially that idiot," Wynne said, indicating towards Anders, who bowed his head a little at the woman. Wynne smiled and headed down the stairs. Nathaniel watched the mage leave and then turned back to Sarah.

"So, are we leaving soon?" he asked.

"Yes, I talked to the hunters. There's something strange going on in Knotwood Hills, so we need to go there at some point. But now we have to get back to the Keep. I can't miss the meeting with the nobles, even if I wanted to," Sarah hesitated a little. "How was Delilah?"

"She's happy," Nathaniel said, a little smile flickering on his lips. "She loves her husband and she's due by spring, so I should come and meet her again then, if not sooner. And we talked abou... About my father. And I want to say I'm sorry. And…"

"Look, Nathaniel…" Sarah started to say, but Oghren staggered to her, mumbling something about a strange greenish rash and finding an apothecary. "Well talk later."

"I'd like that," Nathaniel said and was almost startled when Floyd nudged him and barked happily. Sarah smiled and turned back to Oghren, trying to explain to the dwarf that she really, really didn't need to see the rash to believe it was bad and that they would find an apothecary as soon as possible. Nathaniel turned to watch the place where a statue was missing, but the anger he'd felt when he'd first noticed it gone wasn't as strong. Or perhaps it was, but its target was different. And that felt almost scary.

"You're coming? We _really_ need to find that apothecary," Sarah said. Nathaniel nodded and followed the rest of the group. He'd have to thank Samuel when they got back to the Keep, for telling him about Delilah and sending him on the path towards the painful, but liberating truth. And he would also have to thank Sarah for putting her faith in her even when she had no good reason to do so. He just wished he had even the faintest idea of how to do that.


	4. The Nobles

**Chapter 4: The Nobles**

Sarah checked herself from the mirror and sighed. Would it have been too difficult for Alistair to stay a couple of days more, so that he could meet the nobles with her and convince them that letting the Wardens run the place was a good thing? He was the king, for Maker's sake, they would've listened to him. Probably. She was almost certain they would've, even though he was new at the throne and tended to treat the position as a nuisance at times.

She tried to do something with her hair, gave up and marched to the door. There was a guard outside her door, standing there under orders from Varel, and even though Sarah had tried to hint that she was, in fact, the arlessa and she should have the right to decide where guards stood and where they didn't, it hadn't helped much. Varel seemed certain that someone would try to kill her at some point, and had demanded that a guard was stationed outside her door at all times.

Even though she didn't like it, having someone ready to take orders was a good thing at times like this. Sarah ordered the guard to fetch mistress Woolsey and slammed the door close before the poor man could stutter that he wasn't allowed to leave his post. Sarah knew she was being childish and a little mean, but she was also very, very nervous, and since climbing out the window and sneaking off to explore the Keep wasn't an option, she had to release her stress in the best traditions of nobles; by harassing those beneath her.

"This dress isn't good, is it?" she said as soon as mistress Woolsey entered her room. "And my hair in a ponytail… I look like I'm fifteen!" She could see the amusement in Woolsey's eyes, but the old woman kept her face serious. Sarah reminded herself never to play cards with the woman.

"Aren't you fifteen? You certainly sound like a teenager right now," Woolsey said, walking closer. "No, really, how old are you? Twenty-one?"

"Twenty-three," Sarah sighed, and suddenly remembered that it wasn't long until her birthday. She'd be twenty-four soon, and there was no one from her old life to remember her birthday and to celebrate it. She might've mentioned something about it to Oghren, but the chances of the dwarf remembering it were slimmer than a starving elf. The simile made her cringe inside, it probably was offensive towards starving elves, and maybe elves in general as well.

"Well, the nobles will surely…" Woolsey started to say, and then shook her head. "You're right, the nobles would be happier if the person they're supposed to honour doesn't look like she could run off to play hopscotch when she should be talking about taxation. So," Woolsey said, smiling at the expression of mixed surprise and annoyance at Sarah's face, "we'll just have to fool them a little. Let me see what kind of dresses you have there. And then we need to work on your hair, because you're right, ponytail will not too. Thank the Maker you at least have somewhat long hair."

As Woolsey started to go through her wardrobe, Sarah glanced into the mirror again, running her fingers through her hair. It had been shorter before, her ridiculous attempt at being a free spirit not shackled by the conventions of nobility. Her mother hadn't complained about it, but Sarah had known that her mother had wished that she'd let her hair grow. And during those months after her home had burned, when she'd travelled with her companions, she had. There hadn't been much time for cutting hair, but even if there'd been, she wasn't certain if she could've cut it. Short hair would've reminded her of her silly little rebellions, of the home she no longer had.

"Here, I think we can make this work," Woolsey took out a deep green dress. Sarah was happy she'd spent those hours in the market square in Denerim, picking up dresses and other things that she'd not had any time for during the Blight. The trade had picked up a week after the Archdemon had been defeated, in the best traditions of the commercial spirit of Denerim. She had bought the things, in the slim hope that she'd have some opportunities to wear them, and then stuffed them into a trunk, only taking them out once her belongings had been brought to the Keep, luckily after the attack.

"Well, what are you waiting for? Put it on," Woolsey shoved the dress into her hands. "I'll go get some coals and hot irons for your hair." The woman hurried off and Sarah started to undress. She wished she was a warrior, since showing up in shining armour might've been impressive, but the leather armours she wore wouldn't exactly say "brave warrior", more like "hold on to your valuables". Of course she could've dressed up in shiny armour, but she wasn't certain she could even move in one. Those things looked heavy.

When Woolsey returned, followed by an elven servant girl, Sarah was still struggling with the dress. Woolsey stopped, sighed, and turned to the elf. "Go find a corset. I don't care where, just find one quickly."

"I'm not wearing a corset," Sarah protested. "Those things make it impossible to breathe!"

"And they give you a very royal figure. Look, you were a noble before you were a Warden. Are you telling me that you really never wore a corset?" Woolsey looked annoyed.

"Well, I did, but…" Sarah tried to protest, but knew it was in vain. She'd asked the woman for help; she couldn't start complaining about the help now.

"Sit down, I'll do your hair first," Woolsey said and ushered Sarah, wearing only her underwear, onto a chair. Sarah tried to ignore the tugs and the slightly uncomfortable sensation when Woolsey arranged her hair with the help of the hot irons and lots of hair pins.

"I have no idea why Herren has corsets for sale, but there you go," the elf girl announced when she returned with a black thing that made Sarah think of some of the more steamy romance novels she'd read in the privacy of the castle library when she was a teenager.

"Come on, get up, we don't have time to waste," Woolsey ushered her up before she had time to see what her hair looked like. It made her wonder if the old woman wanted her not to see it. Sarah put on the corset and then resisted the urge to scream as the elf girl tightened the laces. Then she was ordered to stand perfectly still while Woolsey and the girl, Sarah really should ask her name, dressed her, making sure her hair wasn't messed up in the process.

"You still need some makeup," Woolsey said and Sarah was ushered back to the chair. Makeup was something she'd never been interested in, but Woolsey insisted it would help her look older.

"What's your name?" Sarah asked the elf girl, who was hovering close by in case Woolsey needed her help.

"Look up now," Woolsey snapped and started to draw a line right under her right eye.

"Claire, my lady," the girl replied. She had a clear voice and there was something about her that Sarah liked. Probably the shared wonder of why Herren was selling corsets. She'd have to try to find that out. Maybe Claire could help her in that endeavour.

"No need for 'my ladies', please," Sarah said. "Once this thing with nobles is over, come to meet me. I'd like to talk about your position here in the Keep."

"Ready. Well, look at you know," Woolsey said, in almost an amazed voice, and Sarah got up slowly and turned to the mirror, almost worried at what she would see.

…

Nathaniel stood in the shadows of the main hall, watching the nobles arrive. Once they would've come to swear fealty to his father. There was a time when he'd though that one day they would come to swear fealty to him. But that wouldn't happen now. Not after what his father had done.

Delilah's story hadn't been easy to listen. There'd been times when he'd wanted to get up and walk away, to call her a liar. But she had no reason to lie. And during the travel back to the Keep, and the bustle that preceded the arrival of the nobles, he'd had time to think.

He'd loved his father. His father had always been good to him. But his father had never been good to his mother. Nathaniel had known that there was little love between his parents, but he'd always thought that there was a good reason for it. He'd thought that it was normal. He'd thought that it was his mother's fault.

Nathaniel knew now that he had turned a blind eye to how his mother was treated. His father had belittled her, and when Nathaniel's grandmother had visited, she had joined her son in belittling her daughter-in-law. Nathaniel had been there, but he hadn't cared. His father had been a good man, teaching him to ride and giving him everything, so what if he'd been cruel to Nathaniel's mother. She'd deserved it. That's what he'd made himself think, in order to justify his father's actions. But there really had been no justification, just like the war hadn't justified his father's actions. The horrors he'd committed.

Nathaniel closed his eyes. No matter what crimes his father had committed, he'd still been his father. And he wanted to know how he'd died. If he had suffered.

He had tried asking the dwarf, who'd been there. But the dwarf had refused to talk about it. It hadn't been because he was drunk. There'd been surprising calmness in Oghren's voice when he'd told Nathaniel that nothing good would come from knowing. Since the dwarf refused, there was only one other person, Sarah.

Nathaniel didn't know how to ask her. They'd reached some kind of fragile state of understanding, but they hadn't actually talked after Amaranthine, even though he'd intended to thank her, to tell her what he and Delilah had spoken about. The meeting with the nobles had been on her mind and he had made himself almost invisible, walking the corridors he knew so well, exploring the attic and the cellars to see if anything of his family's belonging were left. But the thieves and commoners storming the castle after his father's death had done a pretty good job at stealing, and then the Wardens had arrived and probably sold the rest to finance their operations. Little help had that been. The first darkspawn attack and almost the entire Keep fell.

The only thing left that truly reminded Nathaniel of his family was the portrait of his mother, still hanging in the main hall. Why nobody had taken it or why hadn't it been moved, he knew not. Neither did he know if he was pleased it was still there. Every time he walked past it, it reminded him of how unfair he'd been towards his mother, and how she must've suffered.

"So, you're not going to mingle?" Anders appeared by his side. He'd hoped that the mage would leave him alone, but no such luck.

"I don't think I have much to talk about with them," Nathaniel replied.

"Not even those two little cuties?" Anders pointed at two young women, who followed an elderly man and woman, probably their parents. Both of the girls were blondes, and the dresses they wore left little for the imagination as to how their bodies moved. Anders' eyes darted from one girl to another, desperate not to miss even one sway of hips.

"Don't you have anything else on your mind?" Nathaniel asked and Anders grinned at him.

"You need to lighten up. There are all those beautiful women in the world, so why are you so…" Anders voice drifted away as his eyes drifted from the blonde girls to the woman who'd just walked to stand next to Varel. "Okay, she's got to wear that dress more often. Like, all the time. I mean, come on, why hide all that under armour when…"

"What are you talking about?" Nathaniel asked and turned to look at the dark-haired woman that Anders was staring at. It took him a few moments to recognise Sarah because, well, she was nothing like the little girl he vaguely remembered, or even the young woman he'd just gotten to know. She looked much older, she looked royal. She looked like her mother, Nathaniel realized. Teyrna Eleanor Cousland had been a beautiful woman, and suddenly Nathaniel remembered meeting her when he was five and asking her if she was the beautiful mage queen he'd just been told a story about. She'd called him a sweet boy and kissed him on the forehead.

And now she was dead because of Nathaniel's father. He shook the dark thoughts away, or at least tried, and leaned on the wall, waiting for the meeting to begin.

…

There were more nobles than Sarah had expected. She glanced around her and then at Varel, who was smiling at her. She nodded and he called for order. The conversation had already started to die down as more and more eyes had turned to watch her, but Varel's commanding tone created a complete silence. A silence, Sarah knew, she would have to fill.

"I'm happy to see you all here," she begun, her voice falling easily into what she'd called "noble speech" when one of her teachers had taught her elocution, debating and public speaking. She felt nervous, but she forced the words out, letting her eyes wonder over the crowd. She noticed a few familiar faces and awarded them a smile, but concentrated on addressing everyone.

Nathaniel watched Sarah, who looked like she was born to be there, addressing the nobles and convincing them to work together. She held their attention, spoke like she was addressing each one of them individually. Nathaniel glanced over at Anders, who seemed to be more interested in Sarah's figure than her words, and nudged the mage.

"What?" Anders hissed at him. "I'm only looking. I think that's the whole purpose of that dress, wouldn't you say?" he added, but Nathaniel ignored him.

"This is the time to put the past behind us and work together," Sarah said and her eyes travelled across the room, like searching for something. Nathaniel felt like she was trying to find him, which of course was ridiculous. He glanced at Anders, who had turned his attention to the blonde girls. Sarah continued her speech, but Nathaniel no longer listened. His eyes were scanning the room, or more precisely, the faces in the room. Which ones seemed to agree with her, which ones were unsure, which ones were angry? Nathaniel was certain that no matter how much it made sense to work together, there were always those who used every opportunity to stab their adversaries in the back and advance their own goals, even at the cost of lives.

He had never thought his father would be one of those men who sacrificed everything for power. It showed how little he knew. Sarah finished her speech and it was time to mingle. Nathaniel slipped out the nearest door and headed out. He felt like he needed fresh air after all that time in closed space with those nobles he had very little reason to trust or like.

…

Sarah sighed and turned to Varel as the last nobles headed out. The man smiled at her.

"You did well, my lady," he said and Sarah rolled her eyes.

"I'm just happy I didn't faint," she said. "You know, since I did so well and none of the nobles seemed too opposed to me, how about getting that guard away from my door?" she added, flashing Varel a dazzling smile.

"I'm sorry, but you should know that nobles can say one thing and mean another," Varel said. "The guard stays."

"I suppose yelling 'I'm in charge here' won't help?" Sarah asked, grinning. Varel laughed and shook his head.

"I'm going to get out of this dress and have a bath," Sarah said. "And then I'm going to eat something. Do you know how difficult it was to watch everyone eat when I couldn't?"

"Of course," Varel said, although Sarah wasn't sure if he was answering her question about eating or just stating that he'd heard what she said. "Are you leaving for Wending Woods tomorrow?" he asked and Sarah nodded. "I'll make sure everything goes well her while you're gone," the man continued and then gave her a little bow. "Good night, my lady."

"Now you're doing that just to annoy me, aren't you?" Sarah sighed. "Good night," she said and headed to the stairs, almost counting the steps when she'd be at the safety of her room and could undress.

…

Nathaniel walked round the corner and headed for the stairs, where Sarah was leaning on a wall, about halfway up. She glanced at him and gave him a little smile.

"I needed a break," she said, sounding a little out of breath. "I think I'm going to burn this corset, if I make it out of it alive."

"Are you alright?" he asked, walking down the steps and stopping a few steps above her.

"Yes, just… Not able to breathe properly," Sarah grinned. "Were you at the hall? I didn't see you there."

"I was, but I didn't want to be seen," Nathaniel said. "Being a Howe isn't the best thing right now," he added, surprised at the venom in his voice. He hadn't intended to sound like that.

"I understand," Sarah said, taking a few steps up so that she was on the same step that he was. "Tell me, did that go well? Varel says it did, but I'm not sure he'd tell me the truth."

"You were… It went well," Nathaniel said. "It was easy to see you're Bryce Cousland's daughter. And… You're looking very much like your mother." He didn't know why he'd said that, but Sarah looked at him, a bright smile spreading to her face.

"Thank you," she said, her voice sounding a little choked. "That's… that is one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me. Thank you."

"I…" Nathaniel wasn't sure what to say next. Free Marches hadn't been the best place for maintaining social skills of this level, and on top of that, he was talking to someone he'd planned on killing. It felt a little strange.

"We're leaving for the Wending Woods tomorrow," Sarah said, bringing the conversation back to a level that Nathaniel felt comfortable on. "If you need any supplies, talk to the merchants. Woolsey is taking care of the money, so all bills should go to her, she'll pay them. But don't buy anything unnecessary, she'll start arguing that it's not needed for Warden business and insists that you pay it yourself," she added with a smile. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'll try to get to my room before this corset kills me."

"Of course," he said and waited until she had reached the top of the stairs before he headed down. In a shadowy corner Anders was saying a very intense goodbye to one of the blonde girls. In the hall, Oghren had piled three trays full of leftovers in front of him and was eating at an amazing pace. Nathaniel walked out and breathed the clear air. He headed to the little hovel where Samuel was probably brewing some tea. He felt like he needed a friendly face to keep him company for the rest of the night.

…

Note from the writer: Thank you for all the faves and comments, you wonderful people! I'm pretty bad at replying them, I'm sorry, but trust me, I read all the reviews I get. More reviews are welcome, so if you have anything to say, don't be afraid to say it. :)


	5. The Architect

**Chapter 5: The Architect**

"You want to go into that scary mine that is probably full of darkspawn?" Anders asked, eyeing the door like it would attack him any minute. "Really?"

"We could wait until they come out and want to dance the marigold with us all," Oghren said. "That's gonna happen the same day cows fly out of my ass. Wanna wait and see when that happens?"

"No, I don't think watching your… backside would be as interesting as watching someone else's backside," Anders said. "For instance…"

"Keep your eyes off me, human, or you'll lose them," Velanna said icily. The elven mage didn't try to hide her contempt at the group, which Nathaniel found refreshing. Of course the contempt was directed at him as well, but he somehow liked it. Velanna reminded him of a dalish ranger he'd met in the Free Marches, a beautiful woman who'd guided the humans but had wanted nothing else to do with them. Nathaniel had tried to woo her, but had been forced to settle for lonely nights and some very vivid dreams.

"Well, you have a very nice backside, I can't help it," Anders said. "Nathaniel here seems to think so too, since…"

"Would you all just be quiet for a moment?" Sarah said, sounding both amused and strained. She finished expecting the door for traps and took out the key she'd found. "Anders, why don't you wait here with Floyd?" The mabari barked happily and wagged his tail. "If we encounter some trouble and need to leave in hurry, it might be a good idea to have a mage with a fresh batch of spells ready to cover our retreat."

"You want me to stay here? Alone?" Anders looked around him, eyeing every bush and tree suspiciously.

"With Floyd," Sarah corrected. "He'll rip off the legs of any darkspawn who dare come near you."

"Well, alright," Anders said, watching the mabari that was busy trying to catch a butterfly.

"You wish to leave this idiot behind?" Velanna asked. "What makes you think he'll be of any use if something happens?"

"Because I've seen what he can do and I know he's more than capable," Sarah snapped. She hadn't meant to, but something about the elf rubbed her the wrong way. Perhaps the fanaticism that had echoed in every word she spoke when they'd first met, before Sarah had had the opportunity to explain why they were in the forest and what they wanted. And something about the way Velanna watched them all, as if they were sop much below her, made her want to pull her hair or do something other extremely childish.

She really needed to stop thinking like that. Varel wouldn't approve of the Warden-Commander acting like a teenage girl. The only ones who might appreciate her pulling Velanna's hair were Anders and Oghren, who'd probably wish the situation turned into a full-fledged cat fight, possibly in the vicinity of mud.

"Shouldn't we go then?" Nathaniel said, saving her from her muddled thoughts. She nodded and unlocked the door. It opened with a creak, and there was nothing but a corridor in front of them. She could sense a faint trace of darkspawn, but it didn't feel like there was any of them close by. Then again, she wasn't certain how much she should trust her instincts, since the darkspawn had been able to ambush them just a little earlier. There was something different about these darkspawn, and she really wanted to find out what.

"Keep your eyes and ears open, and be ready," Sarah said to Anders, who nodded. "And you be a very good boy!" she added to Floyd, who wagged his tail and nudged her softly.

"Making animals your slaves is disgusting," Velanna muttered, loud enough for Sarah to hear it. Sarah realized that her hand clenched into a fist and forced herself to relax. She would not act like a little girl, she would not allow the elf to get under her skin. Or at least she would try to walk the high road of a Warden-Commander, even though the low road of a spoiled noble girl looked so much more appealing.

"Let's go," she said, not looking at the elf. Anders nodded and watched them leave, scratching Floyd's head as the rest of the group disappeared into the dark mine.

"So you've never been here?" Nathaniel asked Velanna as they found stairs and headed down.

"My clan has had no reason to venture underground," she replied, looking around her with disdain. "These places are for dwarves and other simple..."

"Yeah, we're simple," Oghren muttered. "At least we don't have our noses so high up in the air that we don't see when a hand grabs our ass."

"What? Oh, how dare you, I…" Velanna almost jumped away from Oghren and then turned to look at him angrily, her staff ready to strike.

"Although you don't have much ass to speak off," Oghren stated, looking at his hand and then eyeing the elf meticulously. "Not like our Warden-girl here, now that's an ass I could…"

"Shut up, Oghren," Sarah sighed, although she had to fight hard not to laugh out loud. The expression on Velanna's face had been one that she would remember for the rest of her life, and probably laugh every time she thought of it. The elf glared at Oghren and then turned away, and Oghren winked at Sarah, who wanted to hug him. He had noticed she didn't like Velanna and had cheered her up, in his own unique way.

"What do you think, boy?" Oghren turned to Nathaniel. "Which one of those two has the nicer ass? Anders thought you like the elf better." Sarah's urge to hug Oghren disappeared as quickly as it had appeared. The dwarf really didn't know when to stop. Nathaniel simply shook his head and followed Velanna, who had reached the bottom of the stairs.

The mine was lit by strange glowing things growing in the walls, as well as the torches Nathaniel and Sarah were carrying. Sarah put her torch down and walked to the wall, touching the glowing thing.

"Fungus," Nathaniel said, walking to her. "It's not exactly the same as the one growing in Free Marches, but similar. Glows nicely but tastes terrible."

"You ate this stuff?" Sarah said, rubbing her fingers together. Some of the fungus had stuck to her fingers, which were now glowing faintly.

"We… Well, we were in a situation where the only thing to eat was either the fungus or our boots. Eating the fungus was the best idea, since we had to walk for three days before we reached the exit," Nathaniel said, and although he was staring at the wall, it felt to Sarah that he was staring into the past.

"Hey, you two, come here!" Oghren shouted. The dwarf was turning around, looking annoyed. "There's something wrong with this mine. I don't know what it is, but it makes my skin tingle and…"

"Mine too," Sarah whispered and spun around. There, standing on a ledge above her was a figure unlike anything she'd ever seen. Taller than average human and with strangely distorted features, the figure somehow felt like a darkspawn, but still different, so very different.

The Architect looked at the group, at the young woman leading it. It was her, he knew it. The one who'd killed the Archdemon, corrected his mistake. But did that still make her right for the task at hand? He couldn't be sure. So he needed to find out. They were drawing their weapons and the elven mage was starting to cast a spell, but the Architect waved his hand, releasing the spell he'd saved for them. They fell to the ground, asleep.

…

Anders felt it suddenly, the strange sensation of a darkspawn being close by that had come as a nasty shock the first time it had happened after his Joining. He started to move towards the door of the mine, but it slammed close. He still had the key, but it did not open the door. Floyd was barking like mad, clawing at the door. Anders concentrated, letting magical energy pour from him into the key and into the door. Something very powerful was resisting. He gathered up all his strength and forced the energy into the door.

The magic energy surged forward, met the power holding the door and defeated it. The key turned easily in the lock once again and Anders swung the door open, allowing Floyd to rush in and followed the dog, hoping he still had some power left to encounter whatever was down there. But there was nothing. The bottom of the mine was empty; there were only two torches on the ground one still burning. No sign of his companions. Floyd sniffed around furiously and then gave up, looking puzzled and angry. Anders walked to the dog eyeing the surroundings and picking up the burning torch.

"We'll find them," he said to the mabari, although he knew they wouldn't. The emptiness of the mine wasn't the emptiness of something or someone hiding or being just around the corner. It was the emptiness of there simply being no one there. But Anders really didn't know what else he could do, so he set out to search with Floyd by his side.

…

Nathaniel opened his eyes. They soon grew accustomed to the dim light of the room and he sat up slowly, eyeing the surrounding. Oghren was on his back on the floor, asleep or unconscious, but breathing steadily. Velanna was sitting on a bench, staring at the door in front of her.

"It's locked," Velanna said, not looking at him. "I can't get it open. My spells are not that good against metal and locks."

"Are you alright?" Nathaniel asked and then looked around him again. There was no one else in the cell and he could feel a grip tightening around his heart. "Where's Sarah?"

"I don't know," Velanna said calmly. It didn't sound like she was too worried about Sarah. "I woke up in another room. I was tied to a chair. The… the creature from the mines was watching me. It was writing something down! Then it noticed I was awake, waved its hand and I… I fell asleep again. I woke up here. You were unconscious. They dragged the dwarf in just a little while ago. There were ten darkspawn, I couldn't have fought them."

"What…" Oghren muttered, rolling onto his side and then clambering up to his hands and knees, looking at Nathaniel and Velanna. "Where the hell are we? And where's all my stuff?"

"Gone. The darkspawn took it," Velanna said. "Be glad they at least dressed you in those rags."

"Well, you know the dwarven charms, if they're not covered, all will swoon. Even darkspawn," Oghren said, but then his expression got serious. "Where's Sarah?"

"We don't know," Nathaniel said. "But we should be trying to find a way out, seek her out and…" A door opened and Nathaniel turned to look. The person who entered the room was an elf, a sleek and beautiful woman. Velanna got up and rushed to the bars, reaching out between them.

"Seranni!" she shouted. "You're alive, thank the Creators! Are you alright, have they hurt you?"

"I'm fine," the woman said. There was something odd in her voice, and in her eyes. "You need to leave now."

"Of course, can you open the door?" Velanna said. "We'll leave, I'll get you out of here."

"No, _you_ must leave," the woman said. "Not I."

"What are you talking about?" Velanna asked, her brow furrowing. "Of course you're coming with me."

"I…" the woman hesitated, then looked behind her. "They're coming. Here, take this." She handed Velanna a key. The elf took it, looking shocked, and then tried to grab hold of her sisters arm, but the other elf moved swiftly, running towards another door.

"Wait, please!" Velanna almost cried. "Don't…"

"I'm sorry, but we need to go," Nathaniel stepped up to her and took the key from her. It fit the locked and Nathaniel turned it carefully. The door opened with a loud creak. He could hear the footsteps coming closer, the sounds of darkspawn approaching.

"Right!" Oghren walked up to him, his face set in a determined expression. "Let's get the bastards."

…

Sarah didn't want to open her eyes. There were strange whispers in the darkness around her, promising her peace. She would be alright if she just stayed asleep. She smiled as she saw the faces she loved, smiling at her, telling her all was well, telling her they'd missed her so much.

"They're dead," she heard a voice say and she realized it was her. "Trust me, you need to wake up right now." She tried to see the faces, but her own voice kept nagging her, telling her to open her eyes and stop acting like an idiot. So she did.

She was tied to a table, her hands and legs fastened with rope. There was candlelight, but not enough to make the room seem nothing but creepy. Her vision was a little blurry and she tried to blink, to force her eyes to work.

"You are a strange creature," a voice said and she forced her eyes to focus on the speaker. The creature from the mines, looking at her not with malevolence but mere interest. "So strong. So beautiful."

"If you wanted to compliment my appearance, you could've done it without tying me down," Sarah croaked, her throat feeling horribly dry. It was a stupid and childish thing to say, she knew it, but the creature chuckled.

"I'm the Architect," the creature said, reaching out to touch her cheek with a long, slender finger. The touch made her shiver, but wasn't unpleasant, simply surprising and strange. "You'll soon have your strength back. Good luck, my beautiful Warden."

"Wait!" Sarah called, but the Architect walked away. She could hear him moving behind her, but she couldn't see him. Then there was silence. He was gone. She tried pulling on the ropes that held her down, but there was very little strength left in her. She craned her neck, trying to see what if there was anything close by that could help her, but there was nothing.

"Great," she muttered out loud, her voice somehow comforting her. She shifted her position a little and pulled the ropes again, but it felt to her she could've been pulling on chains. She felt tired and cold, and realized she wasn't wearing her armour. At least she wasn't completely naked; she'd been dressed in a dress made from some coarse material, but now that she was awake, the coldness seemed to be creeping up on her.

She settled down, relaxing her muscles, and tried to listen. There was the crackle from torches and dripping sound; probably water leaking down somewhere in the room. And then, sounds of battle. She tried to turn towards the sounds, but couldn't, so she settled down and concentrated as best as she could. And pretty soon she could make out Oghren's voice. She smiled. Her companions were clearly more resourceful at escaping than she was.

…

"Hey! That one is wearing my junk!" Oghren stopped and pointed at a dwarf who was standing still and staring at a wall. The dwarf's face bore the marks of the darkspawn taint, just like all the people they'd encountered. "Nobody touches my junk and lives!"

"I believe that," Sarah muttered as Oghren charged towards the dwarf, who snapped out of whatever trance he'd been in and draw his weapon, well, Oghren's weapon as he turned to face the charging dwarf.

The dwarf fell quickly and Oghren started pulling his armour off the corpse. Sarah leaned on the wall, trying to steady her breath. It was no use, even the smallest effort made her vision blur, her head spin and her lungs feel like they were on fire.

"Can you go on?" Nathaniel leaned closer, eyeing her carefully. "You were in a pretty bad shape when we found you and…"

"I'm… Well, not fine, but we can't waste any time," Sarah said. She tried to give Nathaniel an encouraging smile, but it ended up more of a grimace when the world suddenly spun around when she straightened up.

"You're right. We need to find my sister!" Velanna said, glancing evilly at Oghren. "As soon as that durgen'len gets his belongings, we need to move on."

"But why would they give your belongings to that… thing that can barely even fight?" Sarah said after Oghren had gathered his things, gotten dressed (he'd invited Velanna and Sarah to watch and marvel, but they'd decided to turn their backs) and they had continued on.

"Well, I'm sure to make them bloody well regret it, that's for sure," Oghren said, adjusting his codpiece. "My rash could get worse now, who knows what diseases that weirdo got."

"And those are my clothes!" Velanna shouted. A woman, elven or human, Sarah couldn't tell, was standing in a small cavern, watching specks of dust float in the air. As soon as she heard Velanna's voice, she turned and raised her staff. Sarah realized her legs were not about to co-operate just before Nathaniel grabbed hold of her and shoved her against the wall.

"Stay out of the battle, you'll only get yourself killed," he commanded and rushed towards the battle, holding the bow he'd taken from one of the darkspawn. Sarah wanted to protest, but her legs gave in and she collapsed, hitting the ground quite hard. He was right; she was in no shape to do anything. Except probably get them all killed, she added grimly in her mind and then forced herself to get up, using the wall to support her as she forced her legs to push her up.

She might not be any use in the midst of the battle, but she had her own darkspawn bow and she was pretty certain she could still make out the difference between the darkspawn creatures and her companions.

…

The Architect watched them move through the caverns, keeping his attention on the Warden girl. She was fighting against the weakness even though it should've left her incapable of even walking. Every now and then she needed to rest, but her strength was coming back at a surprising speed. It seemed that she was so determined to not to be weak that her mind surpassed everything her body was telling her.

"Yes, she is amazing," he said to Utha. "I wonder if she even realizes that herself. She seems to think that everything she's accomplished is because of her companions, luck and whatever, and doesn't even realize her own strength. It's something that could move the world, if only she believed it. Strange creatures, these humans."

"Yes, perhaps not as strange as I," he added after a while. The Warden girl had gotten dressed into her own armour, dressing behind a large rock in order to avoid the dwarf who had kept offering to help her with the difficult parts of the armour. The human male had glared at the dwarf and told him to keep away, but the Architect had wondered if he too had wanted to watch. Humans were sometimes very predictable when it came to the different sexes.

"We need to go," the elf mage said to the Warden. The Architect shook his head. The mage still thought that her sister could come with her. He felt slightly sorry for what he had done, but he had had no other choice. The elf had been tainted, she would've died if he hadn't intervened. No matter how the Architect tried, the darkspawn working for him were sometimes too much like ordinary darkspawn.

Small steps, that's how change was achieved. And on the road to change, there were always those who didn't make it, those who had to be sacrificed so that the goal could be reached. He would succeed, there was no way he would let his people continue their mindless existence.

"They'll soon be in the large cavern, yes," the Architect said. "Let's go and see if she can defeat my little pets. If she can, then she might be ready to face the Mother".

…

"Wait, quiet boy," Anders stopped, leaning against a wall. Floyd trotted to a halt next to the wall. sniffing it. Anders knocked on the wall and heard the echo of an empty space behind it.

"Okay, take a step back now," he said to Floyd. The mabari obeyed and Anders took a few steps back himself before flinging a fireball at the wall. The stones blasted away, revealing a corridor behind them. Anders coughed and tried to brush off the dust from his clothes. Floyd hopped into the corridor and Anders followed gripping his staff. There was something waiting at the end of the corridor. He wasn't sure how he knew it, he simply did. Maybe it was his magic talent, maybe his newly acquired Warden abilities. But something was telling him that there would be something nasty ahead.

"It's alright for you, you have big, sharp, pointy teeth. I don't," Anders muttered at Floyd as the mabari turned to look at him with a "why-are-you-so-slow" look on his face. Floyd wagged his tail and then continued onward, with the mage trailing behind him.

...

The Architect watched as the Warden and her companions battled the dragons. The human mage and the mabari had emerged from the tunnel leading out, and joined the battle. The group worked well together; the Architect was impressed. After the dragons had fallen, he stepped forward from the shadows, Utha and Seranni at his side. The Warden stared straight at him, but the look in her eyes wasn't angry; more than anything it was perplexed. The Architect nodded at her and turned to leave. The elf mage cried out her sisters name, but Seranni followed the Architect back into the Shadows. There was no other option.

...

"We need to follow them, Seranni wasn't herself, she..." Velanna's voice broke and for the first time Sarah felt like she understood and even liked the elf. Real emotion instead of pretentious speeches about nature and the superiority of elves.

"The tunnel is collapsed, there's no way to follow them," Oghren said. The dwarf kicked a stone to prove his words and then cursed as the kick sent small pebbles raining on his head.

"I'm so sorry, Velanna," Sarah said. "I wish there was something I could do."

"There is," the elf said, her voice back in its normal haughty tones. "I want to become a Warden. Some day I'll be able to find that creature and make it pay for everything."

"Then we should get back to the Vigil," Nathaniel said and Velanna gave him a little smile. "Are you alright? We could rest here a bit." He turned to look at Sarah.

"Yes, I'm fine. And I can't wait to get out of here," Sarah said and glanced at the dragons. "I just wish I knew what all of this was really about. He wasn't an ordinary darkspawn. And there was a purpose for all of this, but I can't think what it could be."

"We'll figure it out," Nathaniel gave her a reassuring nod, but Sarah found it hard to believe him. She certainly didn't feel up to solving any mystery at the moment, the only thing she wanted was a hot bath and at least ten hours in a soft, warm bed. They started to walk towards the tunnel Anders had come from. Floyd stayed behind, taking hold of the wing of one of the dragons and tried to drag it after him. Sarah turned to look at the mabari and couldn't help but giggle. Floyd was probably the only dog in the world who would've thought about bringing a slain dragon home with him.

"No, Floyd, you can't take the dragon with you," Sarah said to the mabari. "Why don't you catch a rabbit on our way back home?" Home. The word had slipped out before she had time to think about it, but there it was. Was the Vigil really a home now? She noticed that Nathaniel was staring at her, but he turned away quickly and helped Velanna over some fallen rocks. Floyd whined but stopped trying to drag the dragon with him and hopped to Sarah, who patted the mabari. Home or not, the Vigil awaited.


	6. The Seneschal

**Chapter 6: The Seneschal**

Varel leafed through the official papers on his desk, putting the ones that needed the Warden-Commander's attention aside. He tried to make sure there were as little of them as possible. She had enough on her mind without being buried in mostly unnecessary bureaucratic nonsense. She deserved some rest.

Varel glanced out the window at the Warden-Commander – "please, call me Sarah", she kept telling him – who was sitting under a tree, reading a letter that had come that earlier that morning. It had been from her brother and Varel wasn't certain how many times she had read it through already. He wondered if it was good or bad news.

Varel sighed. He'd never been married, never really felt the need to get married, nor did he have any children. However, there was something about the Warden-Commander, no, Sarah, that seemed to awaken some paternal instincts in him. She was a capable fighter and had managed to get the trust of the people of Vigil, who now viewed her as the rightful arlessa. However, there was also something very young about him, and sometimes Varel thought that she might be happier as an ordinary noblewoman, living an ordinary life. At least it would make him happier knowing that she was safe and not fighting a horde of darkspawn.

One of the reports on his table was about a darkspawn sighting near one of the farms. Strangely the creatures hadn't attacked anyone, only lurked around the place. It was certainly something worth investigating, so Varel added to the pile going to Sarah. But bringing her the pile would have to wait. He had send out a patrol of soldiers, that would have to do for now, since the darkspawn didn't seem to be an imminent threat. His Commander deserved her day off.

...

Sarah put down Fergus' letter and leaned against the wall. He was well, the rebuilding of the castle was well on the way and he was hoping that she could visit as soon as the problems in Amaranthine were over. She should write him, but she wasn't certain what to tell. It would be difficult to write without mentioning Nathaniel, and she wasn't certain how to tell Fergus about him. Fergus had lost not only his parents, but also the love of his life and his only child. Even though Nathaniel had had nothing to do with the events of that horrible night, Fergus might not see things like that.

Sarah became aware of something staring at her and looked up from her hands, which she'd been wringing. There was an orange kitten standing next to her toes, almost touching them. As she watched, the kitten lowered its gaze from her face, started staring at her toes and then, very slowly, nudged them with its paw. Sarah wriggled her toes and the kitten hopped back, but gathered up its courage and nudged her again. Very slowly, the kitten made its way along her leg until it was in her lap, looking very pleased with itself. Sarah stroke it absentmindedly, a little smile on her lips.

"Now where did you come from?" she asked, but the kitten didn't magically start to speak. Instead it yawned in the special way that cats do and nuzzled its head against her stomach.

Floyd trotted towards her, tongue hanging from his mouth and tail wagging. When he noticed the kitten he stopped, then took a few careful steps towards them. The kitten opened its eyes and focused them on the mabari. The two animals stared at each other for a while and then the kitten darted t the dog. Floyd barked happily and leaned to sniff the kitten. The kitten pretended to ignore the mabari, but sniffed him in return, then apparently losing interest and wandering back to Sarah's lap.

"You know, I know just the person you should meet," Sarah said to the kitten and got up, holding the kitten against her chest. She picked up her shoes and the letter in one hand and headed to the Keep to look for Anders.

…

Nathaniel stopped at Sarah's door and then wondered why he did so. There was no reason to be nervous, he was simply going to ask her if he'd be allowed to look through the warehouse in the courtyard to see if there was anything there he could send to Delilah. And maybe see if there were any objects from his childhood he could keep himself, but he wasn't going to tell her that. So, no reason to be nervous, or to stroke his hair back so it would be tidy before he knocked on the door.

"Yes?" The door opened, but it was the elf girl, Claire; Nathaniel searched for the name from his memory and luckily found it.

"Oh, I was... Is..." Nathaniel drew a deep breath and tried to start again, but she cut him off with a grin on her face.

"Sarah went outside," Claire said, and somehow the familiarity annoyed Nathaniel. Servants should know better, he thought, and then hated himself for thinking that.

"She said it's too beautiful a day to waste inside," Claire continued. "I think it'll be easy to find her. Just don't bother her with anything too difficult. I'm going through some of the letters from the common people that Varel hasn't enough time for," she added, and her tone suggested that the seneschal should have time for the letters.

"So she's made you her..." Nathaniel hesitated and Claire shrugged.

"I'm not certain what I am," she admitted with a smile. "An assistant? I don't know if that's the right title for my role, but she's said that I'd make an excellent seneschal one day. You know how she is, with her crazy ideas about treating elves like people," Claire added and the tone of her voice was challenging. Nathaniel remembered how he'd been a little boy visiting Amaranthine with his father and asked why some of the people looked so poor and hungry. "They're not people, they're elves," Rendon Howe had replied, and Nathaniel had simply nodded and forgotten the whole thing until this moment.

"You seem to be doing good job," Nathaniel said, knowing it was ridiculous and clearly a lie, since he had no idea what Claire actually did, besides from reading letters.

"Of course I am," she said and then winked. "No worries, you're doing pretty well in this conversation considering you grew up as a rich noble boy. Now, you should go find Sarah and I should get back to writing replies to people who are frightened and tell them that the soldiers simply cannot protect them all, even though they pay taxes and make sure the nobles of Amaranthine have food on their table."

"Yes, well..." Nathaniel was happy that Claire gave him last amusing glance and closed the door, since he had problems with her frankness. Although after some of his conversations with Sarah Nathaniel was slowly starting to understand why Sarah would choose someone like Claire as an assistant. He had begun to understand many things about Sarah Cousland.

The memories from his youth were of a little girl who had a hopeless crush on Thomas and who had the makings of a perfect nobleman's wife. The woman he followed into battle had some of the characteristics of that girl, but she was so much… more. So much more than a noblewoman, but also different from an ordinary commander. It bothered Nathaniel, even though he couldn't really explain why.

...

"What is that?" Anders stared at Sarah. She looked down at the kitten in her arms and then back at the mage.

"Uhm, a kitten?" she suggested and Anders rolled his eyes.

"Yes, but… Why did you bring him here?" the mage said and then smiled as the kitten yawned and nuzzled his head against Sarah's chest. She wasn't certain if it was the kitten or the sight of her breasts that caused that smile, but she chose to believe it was the kitten.

"Well, I remembered that you talked about the Tower and the cat and so…" Sarah started to explain, but Anders cut her off.

"You remembered? You actually paid attention to what I was saying?" He glared at her. "Okay, what do you want?"

"To give you a kitten," Sarah said. "He needs a home and you're the best person to take care of him."

"Oh, I…" Anders reached out and took the kitten, which meowed and then started to purr as Anders pressed him against his chest. "This is… Thank you. Really, no one has ever… Thank you."

"You're welcome," Sarah said, smiling. "And he already gets on well with Floyd, so you don't need to worry about that."

"I think Ser Pounce-A-Lot can take care of himself, can't you, Ser Pounce-A-Lot?" Anders said, stroking the kitten.

"Ser Pounce-A-Lot? Really?" Sarah said, grinning a little. "Cute name."

"Since you've named your mabari 'Floyd', I don't expect you to understand the fine art of naming animals," Anders said haughtily, but then winked at her. "Thank you. Really, this is the best gift anyone has ever given to me. Not that the people at the Tower were hot on giving gifts…"

"Well, if I ever get another dog, or some other animal, I'll promise to ask for your help in naming them," Sarah laughed and then turned to look at the door. Nathaniel stepped through and looked almost startled to see her, although she must've imagined the look on his face, since it wasn't there when she blinked and looked at him closely.

"Sorry to bother, but I was wondering if I could go through the warehouse and see if there's anything I could send Delilah," Nathaniel asked.

"Yes, sorry, you asked that already last week and I forgot," Sarah said, smiling apologetically. "Anders, I think you and Ser Pounce-A-Lot can continue to get to know one another," she added to the mage.

"She got me kitten," Anders said to Nathaniel and held out Ser Pounce-A-Lot, who yawned again and then seemed to lose interest in anything apart from licking Anders' fingers.

"Ser Pounce-A-Lot?" Nathaniel asked as they headed out. "Really?"

"You know, that my exactly my reaction," Sarah laughed. "But it's a cute kitten, so a cute name is in order. I think."

"If you say so." Nathaniel smiled back at her.

…

Varel decided to finally give up on trying to make sense of the all-too-many-paged letter from Bann Esmerelle, put it down and walked to the window. It was too beautiful a day to sit inside, and he wished he could've forgotten all about the paperwork.

Sarah was walking towards one of the buildings in the courtyard, accompanied by Nathaniel Howe. Varel couldn't realize how he hadn't recognised the man when he'd broken into the Keep. Varel had known him as a boy, had seen him leave for the Free Marches, but still hadn't known who he was. He'd been so different when they'd met again after all those years, eyes full of hate and mouth spitting curses at the Wardens. For a moment Varel had thought about executing the young man, without waiting for the new commander or trying to find out who he was.

He was glad he had waited. And after the wait Sarah had decided to make Nathaniel a Warden. Although Varel had at first resented the idea, he had soon found that he'd been wrong. Nathaniel was nothing like his father, and sometimes Varel thought he'd been proud to serve Vigil's Keep if the Howe in charge had been the son, not the father.

Nathaniel said something to Sarah, who laughed and tossed the keys she was carrying in the air, catching them swiftly. Varel watched them with a hesitant smile on his lips. At first Nathaniel had kept to himself, but by and by he'd started to talk to people. Mostly to Sarah. And lately to the elven mage. Varel wondered what was going on there. He didn't like the elf, not many in the Keep did, but he kept his opinions to himself. She was a Warden now, after all, and as a Warden deserved their respect. But that didn't mean Varel had to like her.

If he was completely honest about his feelings, he had to admit that one of the reasons for the dislike was that Nathaniel clearly didn't dislike the elf. Quite the opposite. And the fatherly part of Varel didn't think that Nathaniel should be interested in the elf when there was someone more deserving of his attention so close by.

…

"Varel told me that many things from the Keep were brought here," Sarah explained as she unlocked the door and pushed it open. It was dusty and the air was still. Nathaniel followed her inside, leaving the door open so that there was some light. "Well, what was left after the villagers came looting. And the Wardens took something to sell as well," she added apologetically.

"That's hardly a surprise," Nathaniel muttered and went to open the shutters on the windows. It was not an easy task; they were high up and the shutters had to be pulled aside with a long pole. Still, the trouble of getting daylight in was much better than lighting candles or torches in the place. The walls of the stone buildings were lined with wooden platforms, where various crates were piled up. On the floor there were bigger crates and discarded weapons and pieces of armour. It looked like they'd just been thrown there without much care.

"I remember coming here once, when we visited the Keep," Sarah said. "I was really afraid of this place, but Thomas said I'd be a chicken if I didn't come in. We were too small to open the windows, so we brought candles. Thomas dropped his and we almost started a fire."

"I think I remember that!" Nathaniel laughed. "Thomas was grounded for a month."

"I was grounded too when we got back to Highever. That gave me the perfect opportunity to start practising picking locks," Sarah said grinning and opened the nearest box. There were miscellaneous cutlery and a couple of broken plates inside.

"I did wonder how you got interested in all those things. I would've thought that you'd become a warrior like..." Nathaniel's voice faded away as he begun to wonder whether bringing up the dead was a good idea.

"Like my mother and father and brother?" Sarah asked, smiling a little. "You know, you can mention them. It's not like I'm about to fall down crying every time I think about my parents. And Fergus is doing well, given the circumstances."

"I'm sorry, but I... I can't help feeling responsible," Nathaniel said. Sarah turned to look at him with a strange smile on her lips.

"Nathaniel, you were in the Free Marches. Your father made his own choices, and even if you'd been here, do you think you could've done anything? Do you think you would've noticed anything was wrong?"

"I don't know," Nathaniel sighed. She touched his arm and looked straight into his eyes.

"He was your father. You loved and respected him," Sarah said. "People are surprisingly blind to the dark side of their loved ones."

"You've had personal experience of that?" Nathaniel asked and immediately regretted it. They didn't talk much about things like this, mostly because he felt uncomfortable whenever Sarah tried to bring up the past. Somehow he wanted to keep their relationship as formal as possible, because that way he didn't have to think about the things that she'd had to go through.

"No, not really," Sarah said, turning away and then continuing in a cheerful voice, "I'll go check up there, you can search the crates down there."

She climbed up the rickety stairs and then glanced down at Nathaniel, who had started to go through the numerous crates. She realized that she was staring at the way the few rays of light played on his face and dark hair, and turned away quickly. The last time she'd been staring at him too long, two days ago by a campfire, she'd explained it to herself as thinking how much he looked like Thomas. Of course that wasn't true. There was some resemblance, but Thomas had looked far more like their mother, whereas Nathaniel resembled their father.

It was strange. The more she spent time with Nathaniel, the easier it was to think about Rendon Howe and everything he'd done. Somehow it was easier to accept what had happened and that she could do nothing to change it. And it was easier to see Nathaniel not as the son of Rendon Howe or the brother of Thomas, but simply as Nathaniel. She had to admit; she liked him as simply Nathaniel, without the idea of the Howe family lurking behind his shoulder.

"I was thinking, we could also check the basement," she shouted down at him. "The workers were looking at some tunnels that the darkspawn used and said that there seemed to be crates and such in the parts of basement that haven't collapsed."

"When I was a kid, I thought the basement was haunted," Nathaniel said.

"The workers said the place felt strange, so maybe it is," Sarah said. "But I don't think that…" Her words were cut off as there was a loud crash and a short, sharp scream. Nathaniel turned around to see her fall down and land on the floor with a loud thud.

"Sarah!" he shouted and ran to her. She was on the floor on her side, surrounded by pieces of timber. Nathaniel glanced up and saw that the platform had a gaping hole in it and some planks were still dangling dangerously. Nathaniel snatched Sarah into his arms and half-carried, half-dragged her to a safer place.

"You're alright?" he settled her to the floor and wiped a strand of hair from her face. There was a cut on her forehead and he got some blood on his fingers

"I'm… Been better," she muttered, blinking. "Damn, I should've been more careful. The floor creaked but I thought that… Owww," she whined, as she tried to move her arm. "I think I sprained it."

"You have a cut on your leg," Nathaniel said, his hands moving expertly on her legs. "But nothing broken, I think. I should go get help."

"Wait! I don't want everyone fussing over me, so please, just help me inside without anyone noticing," Sarah said. "Anders is inside, he can heal me then."

"I think Velanna was somewhere in the yard, I could get her here and..:" Nathaniel started to say, but Sarah interrupted him.

"No! I mean… No, not Velanna. She'd… Well, I just fell, and she would say it's because I'm a useless human and I really don't need any of that now, so please..."

"She's not like that!" Nathaniel said. "She's…" he looked at her face and then sighed. "Alright, no Velanna. I'll help you inside."

"Thank you," Sarah said and got up slowly, leaning on Nathaniel as she got up. He wrapped his arm around her and started to help walk, or more like hobble, outside.

…

"What happened?" Claire rushed to Sarah and Nathaniel when they came in through the door. "What did you do?" She glared at Nathaniel, who almost took a step back in surprise.

"I fell," Sarah said and sighed with relief when she got to sit down on her bed. "My own fault entirely."

"I should get Anders," Claire said.

"Please do, but don't tell anyone else. I don't need the whole Keep knowing that I can defeat darkspawn but a rotten floor is too much of a match for me," Sarah said. Claire nodded, smiling, and left the room. Sarah slumped to her back and closed her eyes, breathing in deeply. She felt like her mind was a little fuzzy and it was almost impossible not to fall asleep. She opened her eyes to see Nathaniel standing next to her, looking worried.

"Thank you," she smiled at him. "Do you know that you're very nice?"

"I think you hit your head," Nathaniel said, reaching to touch her forehead. Sarah did the same, her fingers brushing quickly against his before she felt the wound.

"Oh," she muttered, watching the blood on her fingers. "I don't even feel anything. Odd."

"You should try to stay awake, at least until Anders has healed you," Nathaniel said and put a pillow under her head gently. "He needs to make sure you're fine."

"But I'm tired," Sarah muttered. It was strange. She hadn't been a while ago, but as soon as she had gotten to her room, she'd felt like she would fall asleep any second.

"I know," Nathaniel took her hand and squeezed it. "But please, stay awake."

"Alright," Sarah muttered, smiling at him absentmindedly. "If you want me to, I will."

…

"Is she alright?" Varel asked Claire, who had appeared in his room to tell her what had happened. "Should I go and see her, she might…"

"Anders healed her, she'll be fine," Claire said. "She did hit her head and needs to stay awake a couple of hours so that we can be certain nothing is wrong with her. Apparently the brain cannot be healed with a spell. Who knew?"

"Is someone with her? What if she falls asleep!" Varel realized he sounded like a worried father, but he couldn't help himself. Claire smiled at him reassuringly.

"Don't worry, Nathaniel is keeping her company."

"Nathaniel?" Varel asked and Claire grinned at him.

"I sort of suggested it. I thought it was the perfect opportunity to get those two to spend some time together," the elf said. "Isn't that what you've been thinking too?"

"How do you know everything?" Varel asked, not even bothering to deny the fact or hide his grin.

"I'm just that good at what I do," she replied, smiling. "So, you need help with anything? I have a couple of letters that you should look at and if you do that, I'll help you with whatever you're working on."

"It's a deal," Varel said and pulled out a chair for Claire. The elf sat down and they started to go through the papers and reports.

…

"We got back from Orzammar and the first night in camp Oghren got horribly drunk," Sarah said, almost laughing at the memory, but soldiering on so that Nathaniel would hear the story, not only her laughter. "After a while he decided that he needed some company for the night, but unfortunately for him he got mixed up on the tents and ended up in Sten's tent."

"The qunari, right?" Nathaniel asked. He was sitting in a chair next to Sarah's bed. She was propped up in a sitting position by a pile of pillows and looked much livelier than an hour ago. She'd been telling him about her companions and their adventures. He'd been mostly quiet, listening to her, because it was important that she was talking, so that he would notice if she started to talk gibberish. That would be the moment to get Anders, and probably Velanna as well, even though Sarah would oppose that idea. He was making sure that she was fine, that's all.

"Yes," Sarah said, grinning. "So, anyway, Oghren stumbles into Sten's tent and…" Nathaniel nodded and listened, watching her eyes sparkle as she relived those moments in her mind, indicating with her healthy arm – Anders had removed the pain from the sprained arm, but told that it would be best to let it heal on its own – and pulling Nathaniel into the story, into those moments that had meant so much to her. He felt like he could've sat there the whole day, evening and night, if needed.

"What about you?" Sarah had finished her story that had made Nathaniel roar with laughter – and given him a good weapon in case Oghren started to get on his nerves.

"What about me?" Nathaniel asked, puzzled. Sarah gave him an exaggerated look of despair.

"You. You at the Free Marches. What's it like there? What did you do after you left Denerim?" she looked at him with a mischievous grin. "I already know you ate some glowing fungus, but other than that…"

"It's not very interesting," Nathaniel muttered. There were some things he'd seen that he knew he wouldn't share with her even if she asked, and would she really care about the other things, the small, ordinary things that had filled his days? Even he wasn't very interested in remembering them.

"Let me be the judge of that," she said, settling back against the pillows. "If you don't, I'll start reading those letters Claire has deemed unimportant or simply insane and reading those will make me fall asleep and if something goes wrong, you'll be to blame."

"That's blackmail," Nathaniel said, but to Sarah's secret delight, he couldn't help but grin. "Very well, if you insist. I think I could start with the voyage to the Free Marches, since that didn't happen in exactly the easiest weather imaginable. We set sail and…"

Sarah leaned back, listening to Nathaniel's story. Every now and then he'd stop, to make sure she was still awake and to check if she really wanted to hear more. She was and she did.

…

Claire opened the door very quietly. The last rays of the sun shone in through the window and she saw that Sarah was asleep, her breathing strong and steady. Nathaniel was sleeping as well, slumped into a very uncomfortable looking position in the chair. The elf smiled and closed the door carefully. Not even bothering to hide the grin on her face, she almost danced the stairs downstairs to Varel's room to tell the Seneschal that things seemed to be even better than they had been.

…

Note from the writer: First the weather was too hot to do anything sensible, then it got cold and I caught a cold, then it got hot again and I got completely obsessed with the first two seasons of True Blood and The Sims 3. But now I'm writing again. Yea!


	7. The Assassin

**Chapter 7 - The Assassin**

The marketplace in Amaranthine was buzzing with people; it was the time for the annual fair, and even though the darkspawn threat had kept some people home, there were still enough people to make the streets seem crowded.

Nathaniel hadn't realized before just ho long he'd really been away and how strange the city and all the people felt. He longed to be somewhere else, somewhere quiet and peaceful. He could've stayed at the Vigil, but Velanna had stayed back, stating that she had no intention visiting the den of corruption and racism that was Amaranthine. And since Velanna had stayed, Nathaniel had felt it was best for him to leave.

He had no idea how he'd gotten into the messy situation with the elf. Velanna hadn't made many friends at the vigil, since she treated most humans with open disdain and even hostility, but she had accepted Nathaniel. And Nathaniel, still thinking about the beautiful elf he'd met in the Free Marches, had allowed himself to be more familiar with Velanna than he should have.

Nathaniel had thought it was quite innocent, some talks with little flirtation, not really thinking that it would go any further. But then they'd gone Knotwood Hills to investigate the strange events, found an entrance to Deep Roads and encountered Sigrun, a member of the Legion of the Dead. Sarah, Oghren and Anders had accompanied Sigrun to the Deep roads, and Nathaniel and Velanna, along with Floyd, had been left to keep an eye on the surface in case the darkspawn decided to swarm up and the Vigil needed to be warned. And after that, everything had gone extremely badly.

They'd camped near the exposed tunnels and when the darkness had crept upon them, started a fire. Velanna had volunteered to do the cooking, which she'd never done before, and had even hummed some old elven tune as she'd cooked the supper. Nathaniel had found himself enjoying the situation; the peaceful forest, the starry sky and the company. They'd eaten and then he'd leaned on a fallen tree, looking again at the stars.

"It's really beautiful," he'd said, and then he'd felt Velanna sitting next to her, her arm touching his, her fingers brushing against his hand.

"You're different from the humans I've met," Velanna had whispered, her breath tickling his ear. "You understand the nature. You understand its beauty." Her fingers had returned to his hand, drawing little circles on his skin and then creeping up his arm.

"Velanna, I…" Nathaniel had tried to find the right words, because what was happening shouldn't be happening, but there'd also been a part of him that had told him to just go with it. It's been so long, she's beautiful and willing, why waste an opportunity, the voice had whispered.

"Don't speak." Velanna's voice had had a commanding edge and then her lips had been on his, soft and sweet but demanding, pulling him into the kiss.

"No!" Nathaniel had almost shouted as he'd pushed the elf away, as gently as possibly. "I… I can't, this isn't…"

"I see," Velanna had said, her eyes sparkling with anger. "You talk to me, say all those nice things and then just… Back away like any human who can't stand to touch an elf!"

"It has nothing to do with you being an elf!" Nathaniel had protested.

"Oh, really?" Velanna had stood up angrily, almost losing her balance. "So it's me, then? You're happy to flirt with me, but when I… Forget it! I can't believe I ever thought about letting you touch me or to…"

"Velanna, please, if you just listen…" Nathaniel had pleaded, but the elf had stormed off into the woods. Nathaniel had feared she had left for good, but she'd returned in the morning, not saying a word to him. He'd tried talking to her later that day, but she'd met his attempts with icy silence.

So things had been very awkward during their time together, Floyd not being a very big help, and even the arrival of Sarah and the rest of the group hadn't helped the situation at all. On the way back to the Vigil Velanna had been more venomous than usual with her words and when they'd arrived she'd disappeared into the forest near the Vigil, emerging only a couple of times to see if they had any leads on the darkspawn. A shopping trip to Amaranthine had made her sneer and disappear after a few chosen words about humans and their ridiculous need to possess things.

It had been for the best for Nathaniel to leave the Vigil and to avoid Velanna, but it meant spending time in the marketplace in the crowd, following Sigrun and Sarah, who were acting almost as young girls, running from stall to stall, followed by Anders who had volunteered to give his opinion on any item of clothing the women decided to try on. Oghren had given up after fifteen minutes and headed to the tavern, telling them to come and get him when it was time to leave.

"What about this, the colour really suits your hair and..."

"But the cut is a bit... well, too revealing, so..."

"Then you really, really need to try it on!"

Nathaniel sighed and leaned on the nearest stall, watching both Sarah and Sigrun shoot Anders with an angry glance. The mage, who was still staring at the dress with an adoring look on his face looked at the two women and smiled sheepishly.

"You can't blame a guy for trying," the mage said. "Oh, how about this?" He exclaimed, holding up a piece of clothing that was probably a little too long to be a belt but way too short to be a skirt that any sensible woman would wear in public. Sarah and Sigrun exchanged a glance and then both turned to look at Anders, who tried his most charming smile, but then, defeated, returned the item of clothing to the stall and muttered something about only trying to help.

"You look so sombre," a voice next to Nathaniel said and he turned to look at Delilah, who was smiling at him. She was carrying a basked full of vegetables and her pregnancy was already starting to show, or perhaps Nathaniel only imagined it.

"I tried to look for you, but then I thought you were home, resting," Nathaniel said after hugging his sister. Delilah grinned and lifted the basket.

"Just getting some vegetables from a farmer. I'm taking them home and then I'll go and help at the stall. You know, pregnancy isn't a terrible disease that completely paralyzes a woman and makes it impossible for her to do anything;" Delilah said, grinning. "You'll find out when you have children of your own. Treat your wife like an invalid and you may end up as the invalid."

"Children of my own?" Nathaniel asked, smiling a little. "I think I'll be just happy to be Uncle Nate for your kids."

"You might change your mind some day," Delilah said. "Even though I'll have my own kids, I'd like to be Auntie Del some day," she added and Nathaniel laughed. They talked for a moment and then he escorted her home and back to the market, where Sarah and Sigrun were choosing a perfect ribbon for Ser Pounce-a-Lot. After the kitten had gotten a deep blue ribbon around his neck and Anders had showed him to a large number of giggling young women, many of whom didn't mind patting a handsome young mage as well as his cat, it was time to leave.

As they were walking away from the marketplace, Nathaniel had the feeling they were watched. He tried to act inconspicuously, but glanced around him at every possible moment, trying to see who could be watching them. At one point he thought he saw a lean figure near one doorway, but someone walked across his line of sight and when he could see the doorway again, it was empty and there was no one near it.

From the shadows, the assassin watched them go, realizing it was not the time yet.

...

"Is something wrong?" Sarah had walked up to Nathaniel and was looking at him with a worried expression. "You've been so quiet… Well, more quiet than usually for days now."

"It's nothing," Nathaniel said and Sarah sighed, rolling her eyes.

"Why is it so difficult for you men to admit that something might be wrong? It's always "I'm fine" and "don't you worry" even though…" She stopped and grinned. "Now I'm sounding like Oriana. She used to complain that Fergus kept everything to himself, back when they were still courting. You know, she almost left him because of that. She told me that it's no good wasting time on a man who doesn't care enough about a woman to simply talk. So you should… Not that I…" she suddenly stuttered, smiling at him awkwardly. "That came out wrong, I didn't mean that I'm wasting my time on you, or that… Not wasting my time in the sense of…"

"Romantic time?" Sigrun, who'd been walking very close to them, suggested with a mischievous smile.

"Yes, thank you, Sigrun, that's what I meant," Sarah said, trying to ignore the burning feeling on her cheeks that she was certain meant she was blushing. "I consider you my friend and if something is wrong, I want to know. I need to know."

"I…" Nathaniel looked at her, at the slight blush that had crept up on her cheeks, at her nervous smile, and suddenly he wanted to tell her what had happened with Velanna, but also dreading to tell her anything. He just wished they didn't need any words to understand one another, that they could…

"There's something wrong," Sigrun suddenly said, her eyes fixed in the surroundings. "I thought I saw someone move in the forest up that hill."

"Not darkspawn," Sarah said, her eyes having that faraway look of listening to her inner darkspawn, or whatever it was. Nathaniel had had his share of nightmares, but he still had trouble sensing darkspawn unless they were very close by. Anders was slightly better at it, possibly due to his magical abilities, and he too was scanning the surroundings.

"A group of fifteen men waiting beyond that hill, ready to fill you with arrows and hack what's left of you into pieces," a voice called out. "Well, there was, but I think they'll find that five of their archers are no longer in any condition to use their bows. I thought it would even up the situation a bit." The speaker stepped to the road from the forest and bowed a little at Sarah. "It's not that I doubt your fighting abilities, _cara mia_, it's just that I want you safe."

"Zevran?" Sarah stared at the elf and then a smile spread onto her face and lit up her eyes. "You're…"

"Still charming, I know, but let's talk about that after we've dealt with the attackers. Then I'll have all the time in the world for you," the elf said, winking at her. "I think they've realized we know they're there and should attack any…" Zevran stopped as a group of men charged from the forest, running down the hill with raised weapons. "…second, as it seems. Shall we, then?" He drew his twin blades and indicated towards the men. Sarah smiled and took aim at the closest man.

…

"I still can't believe you're here!" Sarah ran to hug Zevran, who'd just wiped his weapons clean and sheeted them. The elf wrapped his arms around her and she could feel his hands travel down her back, but she stepped back before they reached their intended destination. "But I can believe you haven't changed a bit."

"Your beauty makes me forget my manners," Zevran said, and Sarah couldn't help but laugh. "Oh, you still have _il barbuto pazzo_ with you," Zevran continued, turning to look at Oghren.

"Why don't you go back to frolicking with the rest of you deviants," Oghren muttered, but there was too much affection in his voice for the word to be truly insulting.

"Oh, these are…" Sarah started to say, but Zevran raised his hand.

"Let me see," he said. "Sigrun, is it?" He bowed at the dwarf, who huffed, but seemed to be unable not to smile at the elf. "And Anders, an apostate mage," Zevran continued, turning to look at Anders with an appreciative look. "You certainly know how surround yourself with _bella gente_. Should I be jealous?"

"Really, Zevran, you're being.." Sarah said, but was once again shushed with Zevran's flamboyant wave.

"And this is Nathaniel Howe, who tried to kill you," Zevran turned his eyes to Nathaniel, who was still holding his bow and seemed to grip it harder when he heard the elf's words. "I see you still think forgiving your enemies is the best policy, cara mia," Zevran chuckled. "That's one of those wonderful things that make you who you are. And you still have this slobbering _cane_," he added as Floyd trotted over and licked his hand.

"Zevran, not that I try to be rude, but how do you know my companions and how did you know we were going to be attacked?" Sarah said. The Antivan smiled and offered his arm. She glanced at it and then at his face with a dubious look.

"We can walk to that delightful keep of yours and I can tell you everything on the way," Zevran said, still offering his arm. "Actually I was hoping I could visit you by climbing through your bedroom window, but alas, these thugs and their little attack robbed me off that possibility. A shame."

"Alright, let's go," Sarah laughed, motioning everyone to move on and took Zevran's arm. Sigrun checked one more attacker for valuables and then they started walking towards the Vigil.

…

"But you don't know who arranged the attack?" Sarah was sitting by her table, with Zevran in front of her, Varel in a chair next to the Antivan, and Nathaniel leaning on a wall next to Captain Garevel.

"Not yet, but I'm working on that as well," Zevran said. "Like I told you, I just arrived and was thinking of coming to visit you, but then I heard the rumours about the attack and looked into them. "I thought about warning you when you were leaving Amaranthine, but I wasn't certain where the attack would take place, so it was better to follow the thugs, take care of few of them and then warn you."

"How, exactly, are you working on finding out who ordered the attack?" Nathaniel asked, eyeing the elf. There was something about the Antivan that made Nathaniel dislike him, although he couldn't think of a good reason for his feelings.

"There is a charming individual in Amaranthine called the Dark Wolf, who has ties all around the underworld. He has promised to find the information we need and deliver it here," Zevran said, watching Nathaniel with an amused look on his face. "So I think I've done quite a good job at finding out who is threatening Sarah's life. What exactly is it that you've done?"

"Did the Dark Wolf say when he would have the information?" Sarah said quickly, before Nathaniel had time to answer. She'd noticed that Zevran had taken Nathaniel as a target and was trying to annoy the man. She didn't know why, but she was determined to have a private chat with the elf as soon as they were done.

"As quickly as possible," Zevran said, turning back to Sarah. "But while we wait for the information, you could show me around this place. Quite impressive, but of course, you deserve nothing less."

"So, we'll wait for the information and when we have it, we can plan our actions," Varel said, standing up. "In the meanwhile, I'll station more guards around and in the Vigil, and I would ask that you do not wander around unaccompanied," he added to Sarah. "We can't lose you now."

"Alright, Varel," Sarah said, and then smiled at his surprised expression. "I'm not going to argue with you about my safety when you're right."

"That's good to hear," the seneschal said and left the room, followed by Garevel. Nathaniel lingered a moment, but not being able to think of a reason to stay, left the room, but before he stepped through the door, he shot a glance at Zevran, who winked at him in return. Then the assassin closed the door, leaving Nathaniel in the corridor and feeling like he'd just been thrown out like an unwanted guest.

…

"… and after that unfortunate business with the stolen ruby necklace was over, I decided to come to see you," Zevran finished his tale. On their way to the Vigil, he'd told Sarah a short version of his travels and return to Ferelden, but now that they had time, he'd asked if she'd like to hear about them in more detail.

"You know what surprises me about that story?" Sarah said, leaning back in her chair and smiling at Zevran. "You didn't mention seducing a woman even once. Losing your touch, are you?"

"_Cara mia_, you know I have interest in no one but you," Zevran said. "If only you'd feel the same way!"

"Zevran, do you really expect me to believe that?" Sarah asked and poured herself some more wine. The Antivan smiled and watched her sip the wine.

"I was hoping you'd believe me," he admitted with an exaggerated sigh. "There may have been a few noblewomen and one very, very sweet stable boy, but… What about you, surrounding yourself with men in armour? Have I lost you to some soldier with more muscles than brain?"

"You can't lose me, since you never had me," Sarah said, ignoring Zevran's dramatic sigh. "But do you think I have any time for anything but being a Warden, fighting the darkspawn and trying to keep everything from falling apart?" She'd planned on it sounding light-hearted, but when her voice almost broke at the end, she knew it would be impossible to hide her feelings from Zevran. Not that she even wanted to. He flirted with her way too much, but she knew there was a deeper side to him, a side that could understand what she was going through.

"Sarah, you're too sad," Zevran said, touching her hand gently. "Why not forget everything for one night. Let's go and take a walk."

"I promised Varel I wouldn't wander off," Sarah said, smiling at Zevran and squeezing his hand.

"I would be with you, so you wouldn't be alone," Zevran said. "You need to lie on your back in the grass and look at the stars and listen to the wind singing in the trees. It can't be all soldiers and darkspawn and strategies and… whatever it is that you go through daily."

"You want me to lie on my back in grass?" Sarah raised an eyebrow.

"I didn't man it like that, but if you insist, I will be willing to serve," Zevran winked at Sarah, who laughed. She was about to tell him that a walk sounded like the best idea in the world, but there was a knock on the door and Claire stepped in.

"A messenger has arrived," she said. "Says he will only talk to the "blighted smooth-talking elf bastard" and I suspect he means our newest guest." Claire shot an amused glance at Zevran, who'd tried to flirt with her when he'd arrived, but hadn't gotten very far with her.

"_Buon velcchio Lupo_, very fast when he needs to be," Zevran smiled and stood up. "But think about that walk. There'll be plenty of starlit nights to come," he added to Sarah, who smiled in return.

"Quite an interesting fellow, that," Claire said after Zevran had left the room. "Is he always so…"

"Yes," Sarah said, not even waiting for Claire to finish her sentence. "Which, strangely enough, is a part of his charm once you get to know him."

"I'll take your word for it," Claire said. "So you'll be heading off to find the traitors and bring them to justice?"

"Possibly," Sarah said, getting up. She was feeling a little light-headed and realized that she'd drank most of the wine, while Zevran had done most of the talking. "Hopefully not right away, though."

…

"So your source couldn't even get us the identities of the conspirators?" Nathaniel scoffed as they headed out of the keep the next afternoon.

"He did get us the time and place of their meeting, so we can find out the identities ourselves," the Antivan replied. "And if I were you, I'd be more worried about what that mage is planning to do to you instead of criticizing me." Zevran indicated towards Velanna, who was walking apart from the rest of them.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Nathaniel said, but Zevran grinned.

"The sexual tension," the elf said matter-of-factly. "Well, sexual from her part, you just seem… tense. In every way. How long has it been since your last time? If you said the right words, she'd probably forget to hate you and helped you ease that tension of yours. What is that colourful saying here in Ferelden? You're tense like you have a pole up your…"

"I really don't need to listen to this," Nathaniel marched away angrily. Zevran shrugged and moved to walk next to Anders, who'd been most kind to give him a very thorough tour around the keep that morning before they headed for the meeting of the conspirators. Zevran was wondering whether he should ask for another, more focused tour, possibly that evening.

…

The guards outside the farmhouse where the meeting took place were well armed, but not well enough. The conspirators tried to escape in the heat of the battle, but were captured. The only problem was, they were minor nobles, who would never have started a rebellion on their own since they couldn't be certain that they had enough support to cease the power if the rebellion was a success. This meant that there were other conspirators as well, more powerful than the people they'd captured.

Varel rubbed his eyes and then looked at Sarah, who'd just returned and headed straight to the seneschal to report on what had happened. There was a bloody bandage wrapped around her left arm, but other than that, she seemed to be fine.

"They're not talking," Sarah sighed, leaning back in her chair. "They are more afraid of the people we didn't get. Which is not a good sign."

"You shouldn't worry about this," Varel said. "I'll take care of the interrogation and try to find out what they know. There were some rumours about Blackmarsh, apparently there's something strange going on in there. Well, stranger than usual, since the place had been abandoned for years and apparently is haunted. "

"We're short on leads at the moment, so might be worth checking out," Sarah said and then grinned at Varel. "Can you imagine, with the conspiracy thing going on, I forgot for a moment that there are also the darkspawn roaming about. Well, it was nice as long as it lasted."

"Go get some rest, you need it," Varel said. Sarah smiled and then leaned over the desk and kissed his cheek.

"Sorry, but you deserved that," she said and walked out the room, leaving Varel rubbing his cheek and smiling.

…

"How about that walk, then?" Zevran was waiting next to her door, leaning on the wall and looking, Sarah had to admit, quite good in his tight trousers and a white shirt.

"I think I should go to sleep now," Sarah said, smiling at him. "I would probably fall asleep as soon as I hit the grass."

"That would not be good at all," Zevran said. "Tomorrow night then. If we get a chance to sneak away for a moment."

"A chance to sneak away from what?" Sarah asked, but Zevran only smiled, took her hand and kissed it.

"Sleep well, Sarah," he said. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Sarah walked into her room and collapsed on the bed. She wanted to fall asleep straight away, but she was still wearing her armour and he'd learnt from experience that sleeping in armour was not a very good idea. There were buckles and things that were fine for holding weapons and pouches and keeping the armour on her, but were not very comfortable when sleeping.

She got up and started to undress. After she'd washed her face and put on her nightgown, she noticed a letter on her desk. It must've arrived while they were out. She recognised the handwriting and opened the letter quickly, wondering what news Fergus had this time. But in the letter, there were only the words "happy birthday", the next day's date and Fergus' name.

"It's my birthday tomorrow," she muttered, shocked that she had forgotten it and looking at the letter more carefully. Even though the wax seal looked fine, at closer inspection it was clear that the letter had been opened once and then closed again.

Sarah rushed into the corridor with the letter in her hands and headed towards the guest room they'd given to Zevran. The elf wasn't in and Sarah considered her options. She could go in and wait for him and demand an explanation on him reading her letter. Waiting in his room in her nightgown might give him the wrong idea when he returned, however. She could go find him. Which could also send the wrong message, with her running around desperately trying to find the elf in the middle of the night.

The anger started to fade. Zevran had read the letter, but there was little she could do about that. If he was planning some kind of surprise for her… Well, she'd just have to take whatever he had in store for her. Sarah turned to leave to her room when Nathaniel walked around the corner and stopped as he saw her.

"Oh, I was…" Sarah tried to think of a good explanation to why she was running around in her nightgown, but her mind was working very sluggishly. "There's a very good explanation for this."

"I can imagine," Nathaniel said, staring at her almost coldly. "You're looking for the elf?"

"Yes, but not to…" Sarah remembered the letter she was holding and held it up. "He's got some explaining to do, but I think that can wait until morning. I just realized this probably isn't the best moment to run to him. He might get the wrong impression, with the nightgown and everything…" Sarah almost groaned out of desperation. Nathaniel was still staring at her, but now it looked like he was trying very had not to grin and she was feeling like a complete idiot.

"That's a possibility," Nathaniel said, watching her closely. "And you don't want to give him the wrong impression?" There was something in his tone, a hint of hope that made Sarah almost smile.

"I don't, really," she said. "He's nice and all, but… He's Zevran." She wondered if that was any kind of explanation and then remembered something that had bugged her even since the journey to the conspirators' meeting. "He was talking to you on road today and… I don't know what he said, but he seemed to get you pretty angry and…"

"It was nothing," Nathaniel said quickly.

"Really? Because he enjoys winding people up, so whatever he said, you shouldn't take it too personally," Sarah said. "But… if something is wrong, you…"

"Velanna kissed me!" The words escaped Nathaniel before he had time to think, but he wished he had, because he sounded like a small boy complaining about some icky girl touching him. And that was the last thing he wanted to come across as at the moment.

"Oh," Sarah tried to think of a better response, but failed. "So why has she been avoiding the Vigil and…"

"I turned her down," Nathaniel said, hoping that the ground would just collapse and save him from the situation. "She's… She's nice, well, sort of nice, but she's not… I just…" he tried to collect himself. "She wants something I can't give her and somehow Zevran realized what was going on and tried to…"

"I see," Sarah smiled, feeling strangely happy. "He's surprisingly perceptive, but I guess that comes along with all his Crow training. So you and Velanna…"

"I don't think she wants to talk to me, even to hear an apology," Nathaniel sighed.

"Never underestimate the wrath of a woman who's been turned down by a man," Sarah said. "Do you want me to talk to her? Some… sisterly… advice?" As soon as she said that, she knew that it probably wasn't the best idea.

"It's my mess, I'll try to sort it out somehow," Nathaniel sighed. Even though talking about the whole thing still felt too embarrassing for words, he also felt relieved. Holding that from Sarah, it had felt so wrong. Now things were better again.

"Alright, but be very careful," Sarah said. "I'd hate to see you get turned into a log or something." She smiled and then shivered, realizing that she was in her nightgown in the drafty corridor.

"You're going to catch a cold," Nathaniel said, stepping closer. Sarah smiled at him and then sneezed, in a very loud an unladylike manner.

"I should really go," she sniffed, almost accidentally wiping her nose with the letter she was holding. She could feel the blush spreading to her cheeks yet again.

"Well, good night then," Nathaniel said, almost chuckling.

"Yes, good night," Sarah said and, trying to gather up the remains of her dignity, walked past him towards her room. Nathaniel watched her go, watched the way her bare feet made almost no sound on the floor, how the nightgown moved in the rhythm of her steps. She'd wrapped her arms around her to stay warm and he couldn't help but wonder what it would feel like to wrap his arms around her, to draw her against his body and keep her close until she was all warm and there was nothing left for her to worry about and…

"Oh, Maker," Nathaniel breathed out as the realization hit him like an assassin's dagger.

…

Note from the writer: Sorry about the break, it was way too long, and thank you for the patience. Writer's block combined with incredible heat and an unhealthy obsession with Assassin's Creed II and Ezio are not good for writing, but there was some laziness involved as well, and I'm not proud of that. I had the idea on including Zevran before Ezio and all his Italian hotness took over my mind, so he's not here only because I wanted to add a hot pseudo-Italian/Spanish dude to keep away the withdrawal symptoms. Honest! :)

Zevran's Italian (no idea if it's correct, since I don't speak Italian, corrections are welcome):

- cara mia: my beloved

- il barbuto pazzo: the bearded lunatic

- bella gente: beautiful people

- cane: dog

- buon velcchio Lupo: good old Wolf


	8. The Cousland Girl and the Howe Boy

**Chapter 8 - The Cousland Girl and the Howe Boy**

Sarah woke up when something crashed in the courtyard outside her window. She rushed to see what was going on, fearing a darkspawn attack, but instead there were people building long tables and gathering planks that had collapsed. It looked very much like someone preparing for a party.

"What… Bloody Zevran!" Sarah cursed and rushed to look for clothes. She should've talked to the elf the previous night, because a birthday party was… It was insane! There was the constant threat of darkspawn, the farmers were angry and worried about their crops, so she couldn't throw a party at the Vigil at a time like this! She pulled on a plain brown dress, found a pair of shoes under her bed and rushed to the door.

Zevran was leaning on the wall outside her room and when he saw her, he pulled a bouquet of flowers from behind his back.

"Happy birthday, _cara mia_!" he exclaimed and tried to hand her the flowers. Sarah stared at the flowers, which actually were very beautiful, and then at Zevran's smiling face.

"You read my letter," she said and Zevran nodded. "And you decided to go behind my back and organize a party!" Zevran raised an eyebrow at her voice that was getting close to being hysterical. "How could you!"

"Because, dear Sarah, you deserve it," Zevran said, still holding out the flowers. "You've worked hard and what have you gotten in return? Alright, one trip to shop in Amaranthine and then back to worrying about everything and everyone? No, that is not enough for you."

"Zevran, I…" Sarah sighed and then took the flowers. "I really don't have any way to get out of this, do I?" The Antivan shook his head and Sarah sighed. "I thought so."

"Today, you need not worry about anything," Zevran said, but eyed her critically. "Except perhaps your outfit. Something more festive, yes? I can come and help you pick," he added with a wink.

"I think I can manage," Sarah said, smiling. "And Zevran? Thank you for the flowers. They're beautiful."

"_Non come bella come lei_," Zevran smirked and headed off before Sarah had the change to ask what he'd said. She went back into her room and was trying to pick a dress when there was a knock on the door.

"Why didn't you tell me it was your birthday?" Sigrun entered the room with the energy of a small whirlwind. "Happy birthday!"

"I'd forgotten it," Sarah admitted. It was ridiculous, she'd just thought about her birthday a little while ago and then gone and forgot all about it. Maybe Zevran was right and she did worry about everything else too much.

"Claire is arranging musicians or something, so I'm here to help you with your dress and hair," Sigrun exclaimed. "This is so exiting, you know!"

"Maybe we can have a party for your birthday as well," Sarah said, and Sigrun rolled her eyes.

"I'm dead, I do not have a birthday," she reminded the human. "And even if I wasn't, I have no idea when my birthday is. Celebrating birthdays wasn't high on the list of things to do in the part of Orzammar where I grew up."

"Oh," Sarah said, remembering once again that the life she had led had been very privileged. "Well, if you want, we can share my party. You can have an un-birthday or something."

"No, today is all about you," Sigrun said. "Although…" She added with a little grin, "I do have some plans on seeing whether Voldrik can do something else than just talk about masonry and rocks."

"Voldrik? A better choice than his brother. Less of a chance there being fireworks of the wrong kind," Sarah laughed. "But then you need to dress up nicely as well. No being the dead girl tonight."

"I can try," Sigrun said. "Now, you should wear this red dress during the day, and for the night, when there's dancing and everything… This one!" Sigrun pulled out a black dress with green ornaments and a green belt around the waist.

"Thank you for choosing something that doesn't require a corset," Sarah said. "I've been told that once you get used to them, they're fine, but I haven't had the patience of getting used to them."

"And it's faster to get undressed when there's no corset," Sigrun said and then met Sarah's stunned look with a smirk on her face. "What? I may have worn armour for every day for far too long, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't know these things. You know, when you're dead, it's quite normal to find the physical kind of comfort from those around you."

"It's my birthday, so no more about physical things between dead people!" Sarah exclaimed. "It's conjuring up some very disturbing images, even though I know you're not really dead."

"Alright," Sigrun grinned. "Now, get into this dress. And then let's find a nice ribbon for your hair, you should keep it up for the day so that all the men can be mesmerized with it flowing free at night."

"Sigrun, I'm hardly going to do much mesmerizing," Sarah sighed. "I mean, maybe some guys might look at me and think I look pretty and fine, but "mesmerizing"? It hasn't happened this far."

"Maybe tonight will change that," Sigrun stated and then started to rummage through the jewellery box that had been almost buried under some documents. "Now start getting dressed!"

…

The arrangements for the party were well under way. Nathaniel walked past the tables and sat down under the tree near Samuel's hut. It was quieter there, giving him some time to think. Floyd trotted overt to him and curled up next to him. Nathaniel wasn't certain if he'd ever get used to a mabari curling up to rest like a pampered house dog. Then again, the mabari from Highever had always been known for their independent streak.

There had always been mabari at the Cousland estate. Nathaniel hadn't visited the place often in his youth, even though the families had been close. His father had taken Thomas with him many times, and when Nathaniel had gotten older, he'd realized it was because Thomas was almost the same age as Sarah. Clearly his father had thought it might be a good match. Since Thomas was the younger brother, he wouldn't inherit the estate, so a marriage to a Cousland would help him.

Nathaniel remembered how Thomas had always come back from those trips with sparkling eyes, talking about the great dogs or nice horses. Although after he'd turned fifteen, he'd spent more time talking about Sarah. How she was pretty and nice and how he wanted nothing more than to kiss her. Then at some point, a little before Nathaniel was to leave for the Free Marches, Thomas had started to talk about some other girl, who was not only pretty but beautiful, and with whom he wanted to do more than just kiss.

His father hadn't approved, stating that a marriage with a Cousland would benefit them. The drama had gone on for quite some time, and Nathaniel had missed the conclusion since he'd left for the Free Marches. He'd gotten a letter from Thomas a little over a year ago, in which he told that things hadn't worked out with the beautiful girl, and that he was planning on seeing if Sarah still liked her. It had been the last letter Nathaniel had gotten from his brother.

Thomas was gone and his dreams of kissing Sarah, as well as Rendon Howe's dreams of a Cousland-Howe marriage, were gone as well. What would Thomas had thought about Nathaniel having feelings for his intended bride? What would his father have thought? What did he himself think?

Nathaniel scratched Floyd, who looked very comfortable lying in the shade. He remembered the feeling he'd had last night so clearly. It had been like he'd been staring at a jumble of words and suddenly been able to make out the meaning of the text; everything had just made sense. Why turn down Velanna, why feel so comfortable around Sarah, why hate keeping things from her or seeing her unhappy? Because he… cared for her.

"You don't read minds, do you?" Nathaniel asked as Floyd barked happily and looked at him with a big dog smile on his face. "If you do, don't tell her anything." He sighed. He was talking to a mabari. Well, who else there was to talk to? Although he got along with Anders and Oghren and it was impossible not to like Sigrun, none of them were people he could confide in. Delilah was in Amaranthine and couldn't be contacted just like that. And Samuel… yes, there was Samuel. Samuel had known him since he was a boy. Perhaps Samuel could help, or at least listen and try to talk some sense into him.

Nathaniel got up and hurried to the hut, but the elf wasn't there. Probably arranging something or ordering the soldiers putting up decorations to stay away from the flowerbeds. Nathaniel looked around him and spotted the elf near the Keep's entrance.

Samuel was talking to a couple of servants, but as he saw Nathaniel approach, he finished the conversation quickly and walked over to the young human, who looked like he could run away at any moment.

"Samuel, could we…" Nathaniel started, but had no idea how to finish. The elf looked at him and then a grin spread on his face.

"Nate, you look exactly like when you were twelve and had broken that vase in the hall," Samuel said, watching him closely. "Completely miserable and anxious. What's wrong?"

"It's..." Nathaniel tried to think of what to say, but words weren't being kind to him at that moment. "I have something... I really need advice but I don't... What would be the best way to... No, that's not it, let me think about this..." Samuel watched him and the grin on the elf's lips grew wider and wider.

"Nathaniel, is this about a girl?" Samuel said and laughed out loud to the human's surprised expression. "I remember having a same kind of talk with you when you were nine and really, really liked the girl who came to milk the cows every day."

"It's... Yes, alright, but it's also complicated," Nathaniel sighed. "This... girl, well, a woman, she's..."

"Nathaniel, you're no longer nine," Samuel said. "The only advice I can give you is that be honest, don't say anything offensive about her weight or hair and don't spend all the time staring at your feet."

"Oh, that's.. Thank you, I guess," Nathaniel said. Samuel turned to leave, but then looked over his shoulder and winked at him.

"And since it's her birthday, get her a nice gift," the elf said before walking away, shoulders shaking with laughter.

...

Nathaniel almost ran to Wade's shop, where Herren was going through an account book and the master smith was examining a piece of metal.

"He's been staring at that thing for almost an hour now," Herren almost wailed when he spotted Nathaniel. "Says that he needs to absolutely sure it's perfect. Perfect! I could do with less perfection and more common sense every once in a while!" Herren shot a glance at Wade, who didn't seem to register the words or the look in any way.

"Look, I have a request. I know it's not what you normally do," Nathaniel turned to Wade, "but you're the best smith around here and this is important."

"An armour, a sword, what is it?" Wade said, still looking at the metal. "I might have time to do something next week."

"I need it ready by tonight," Nathaniel said and Wade dropped the metal, turning to look at him with a shocked look on his face.

"Tonight? Are you insane? What could I possibly do in such a short time?" Wade said, looking at Nathaniel like the man was crazy.

"Let me explain," Nathaniel said and then explained. Wade was still looking like he'd been mortally insulted, but Herren listened and then turned to Wade.

"We're going to do it," he announced to the smith. "You can continue staring at that metal tomorrow, this is more important."

"Herren, you can't possibly…" Wade tried to argue, but the other man shushed him.

"Darling, this time you'll listen to me. This is something you can do in the time that's given to you, and you're going to do it," Herren said.

"But…" Wade wailed.

"No. It's romantic and it's the perfect gift for the Warden, who, need I remind you, has been very good to us. Especially to you. So you're going to do this and then you'll take the night off from staring at materials and come to the party with me," Herren said, in a tone of voice that couldn't be argued with. "And there'll be dancing. Don't worry, ser, we'll have your order ready by the time of the party," he added to Nathaniel with a smile before turning to stare at Wade again.

"I'll just leave you to it, then," Nathaniel said and left the shop as the two men still stared at each other and the air was full of things unsaid. Although from the feel of things, he pondered, the tension would probably be solved quite easily with some good kind of physical contact.

…

There was no way to avoid the party, so Sarah tried to make the best of it. However, at the back of her head there was constantly the thought that she should be spending the time more wisely, doing something that really mattered. And there were all those people, mulling around her, congratulating her, wanting to talk to her, not giving her a moment of peace. A couple of times Varel or Claire had saved her from the most troublesome people, but they couldn't help with the way she felt.

The party was held outside, so the main hall was blissfully deserted when Sarah snuck away from the party and sat on a bench. She needed some time on her own before returning to the sea of people whose names she didn't remember and at the moment didn't even care about. But the creak of a door told her solitude was not

"Sarah, how can you look so miserable when all this is just for you?" Zevran stepped into her view and gave her his best smile. The elf was carrying two glasses and handed her the other one before sitting next to her to bench. Sarah sipped the wine and tries to smile at the elf, who sighed dramatically.

"I'm sorry, Zev, I really am, but..."

"But you cannot help to think about your duties and things you should be doing, no?" Zevran said. "When I met you, you had a sparkle, you... You were like a star in the middle of a dark night! And now, _cara mia_, you're so serious and whenever you have fun, afterwards you spend days regretting having fun!"

"That's not fair, I don't..." Sarah started to say, but the look on the elf's face made her stop. "I... Am I really that bad?"

"I'm afraid so," Zevran smirked. "You are afraid to enjoy your life, and that is not good."

"I have to... I have duties and there are so many people I can't let down!" Sarah sighed. "You don't know what it's like, feeling that everything you do is being watched and judged and... I'm..." she sighed. "I'm so very tired and I wish I could just forget everything. Even for a day."

"You can. Priorities, _cara mia_," Zevran said and reached to caress her cheek. "You need to rethink them. Why spend all the time worrying about the future when... When you could be doing something much more... pleasant?" Zevran leaned closer and Sarah knew she should've said something, or backed away, but she sat still as the elf's lips touched her left cheek, then her right, and then landed on her lips.

In the past, Sarah had wondered if all of Zevran's stories about his conquests were true. Although the elf was charming, she'd always thought that he really couldn't have that kind of effect on everybody. And then he was kissing her and she had to believe all of his stories. It was unlike any kiss she'd had before and for a moment she felt like she floated in air.

"It's a 'no', then," Zevran sighed as he pulled back and Sarah felt like she'd suddenly fallen back to ground.

"What?" Sarah said, almost embarrassed at how out of breath she sounded.

"You and me," Zevran said, shaking his head a little too dramatically. "That wasn't a kiss of a woman in love. In lust, possibly," the elf grinned and Sarah blushed, "but not love. And you deserve love."

"Zevran," Sarah looked for the words, but was at loss again. The elf grinned.

"There is love waiting for you. Maybe quite close," he said, smiling. "You just need to lift your eyes from the reports and other paperwork and look around."

"So now you're an expert on love as well?" Sarah said. It was impossible not to smile at the elf.

"Of course. I'm an expert on everything," he said, not even trying to sound modest. "And I wish I could stay to show you more of my expertise, but I need to leave."

"Leave?" Sarah said, her smile fading away. "I thought you'd... I was hoping you could stay."

"It would be nice, _cara mia_, but... That king of yours requires some information, so of course he asks the help from the best. Me."

"You're working for Alistair?" Sarah said and Zevran frowned.

"I _assist_ him in getting information. I do not _work_ for that _idiota_," the elf said, looking almost hurt. "But before doing that, I wanted to see how you were doing."

"So... That's it, then?" Sarah said. "You came, threw me a birthday party and then leave?"

"Yes, pretty much," Zevran grinned. "I had hoped that you're companions would be complete idiots so that I could tell Alistair that you absolutely need me. But, alas, you've managed to gather people who know what they're doing. Well, apart from that drunkard. So, even though my skills are superior, you're fine with the people you have now."

"When will you leave?" Sarah asked.

"Now seems like a good time," Zevran said. "I'm not big on goodbyes. You're the only one that I want to say goodbye to. Well, maybe I should stop by to say goodbye to Anders as well. Very interesting man, that one. And quite agile for a mage."

"You didn't... You did, didn't you?" Sarah said, trying not to sound too shocked, and Zevran winked.

"I'll leave that to your imagination," the elf said and then leaned to kiss her on the forehead. "We'll see again, _cara mia_. Think about your priorities."

"I will," Sarah said. Zevran got up and bowed at her. "Goodbye."

"_Arrivederci_," he replied with a grin and turned around.

Sarah watched the elf leave the room and sighed. It was very like Zevran to disappear in the middle of a party, only to come back Maker knew when. It was also very much like Zevran to get her all confused. She cared for him, but not in the way that the elf might've hoped. The kiss had left her wanting more, but not from Zevran. But if he was right, if there was a possibility on love for her, then...

The sound of an opening door disturbed her thoughts. She got up and straightened her dress before turning to look at the figure that had entered the room.

"Sarah?" Nathaniel walked towards her, looking somewhat nervous. "I saw Zevran leave, so…"

"He's really leaving," Sarah sighed. "Apparently staying here was always going to be a short visit, there's something Alistair wants him to do. Find information and so on. Royal business, filled with deception and secrets."

"You're going to miss him." It wasn't really a question, more of a statement. Sarah nodded.

"He's a friend. I can trust him with my life. And… Even though his flirting can get annoying, it's also very flattering," she smiled. "I sound like such a pampered noble girl, who wants only adoring and flattering morons around her, bringing her gifts and singing her praises. Don't I?"

"No," Nathaniel said, smiling, and took something from his pocket. "Something from a flattering moron for you. Happy birthday."

"Oh… I didn't think you'd… Thank you." Sarah took the small parcel. It was a white piece of satin tied with a blue silk ribbon. She opened it and looked at the necklace glittering in the light of the torches. It was a small silver disc, hanging from a silver chain. On the disc, there was a carving of a griffon, the one from the Warden's emblem. Sarah stared at it and then turned to Nathaniel. "This is… Where did you get this, it's… It's so beautiful! This is too much, Nathaniel, I can't…"

"Herren managed to talk Wade into making jewellery and finish something in a day, and you want to give it back?" Nathaniel chuckled. "No. I'm sorry, but you're stuck with it."

"Nathaniel, I…" Sarah realized there were tears welling up in her eyes even though she wasn't certain why. "I can't express how grateful I am. This is… I want to try it on, can you fasten the lock!" She quickly opened the lock, put the chin around her neck and turned so that Nathaniel could fasten the lock.

Nathaniel stepped closer and took the two ends of the chain in one hand, while his other hand pushed aside her hair. He half expected his hands to shake, but they were steady as he fastened the lock and then gently took hold of her shoulders and turned her around.

There was a tear glistening in the corner of her eye and as he watched, it rolled down her cheek. Not really thinking, Nathaniel stepped closer and wiped the tear away and left his hand on her cheek, his fingers caressing her skin.

"No crying now," he said, smiling. "At least not because I give you a little gift. This should be a happy day for you."

Sarah looked at him, into his grey eyes that were staring at her so intently she couldn't turn away. His hand was still on her cheek, warm hand, cradling her cheek, the hand that had just wiped away her tears. She took hold of his hand and smiled at him, leaning closer to kiss him on the cheek. But inside her head some wicked little voice that sounded awfully lot like Zevran's was shouting at her, so the kiss intended for Nathaniel's cheek landed on his lips instead.

It was a fleeting kiss, one that barely touched his lips, but Nathaniel could feel his own heartbeat quickening, or at least imagine it quickening. She pulled back, blinking and looking almost embarrassed. They were in a very strange position, her hand still gripping his hand that had been on her cheek, their bodies hovering between a respectable and an intimate distance, the touch of her lips still burning on his.

"Sorry, I…" she started to say, but Nathaniel leaned towards her and kissed her. Not a fleeting kiss this time, but a real one, a kiss that was meant to convey more than gratitude or small affection. It was a kiss that, he knew, he just knew, he should've given her days ago, if only he hadn't been foolish to ignore his feelings.

"Nathaniel," she breathed out as they parted. Her hands had found their way on his neck and he was holding her by the waist. She wasn't certain how they'd ended up like that, but she wasn't going to complain. The small fluttering of a butterfly's wings in her stomach that she'd felt when she'd kissed him for the first time had turned into a hurricane. The kiss with Zevran had been nothing compared to this.

"We can talk later," Nathaniel said, smiling at her. "But now I'd like to dance with you."

"Alright," Sarah said, knowing that she probably was grinning like an idiot, but ignored that and allowed Nathaniel to take her hand and escort her out of the wall to the courtyard, where music filled the air.

…

Sarah woke up as a ray of sunlight hit her face. She rolled to her back and stretched, her mind jumping instantly back to the events of last night. The butterflies returned and she laughed out loud, unable to contain the happiness. She hadn't really paid any attention to anything besides Nathaniel, the way he'd held her when they danced, the way his grey eyes had been fixed on hers almost the all time, how he'd escorted her to her room and kissed her good night before leaving.

She got up and started to dress, almost skipping around her room as she looked for suitable clothes. She knew she should head to the great hall as soon as possible, because, as Mistress Woolsey had told her last night, there was no way she could delay the decision on the trading rules and taxes. And there were reports to read and papers to sign and all those crucially important things to do. She was needed, she had a duty.

She left her room, made up her mind and headed for Nathaniel's door. He opened it after a little while, and it was clear he'd just gotten out of bed. His shirt looked like it had been pulled on in a hurry, his hair was messy, and Sarah wanted nothing more than to run her fingers through his hair and straighten the collar on his shirt so that she could touch him. Instead, she smiled and tried to come up with something to say.

"Hello," she said, knowing that she could've done better. Then again, maybe you had to start with 'hello'. The smile on Nathaniel's face made her smile too, and even though they probably looked like two ridiculous teenagers, she couldn't care less.

"Hello," Nathaniel replied, and she tried very hard not to laugh.

"Now that that's out of the way, I was wondering if you'd like to take a walk with me," Sarah said. "Outside the walls. In peace. We could… talk. About, well, last night and…"

"Didn't Varel tell you not to wander off?" Nathaniel said. "It may be dangerous."

"I'll have you with me, won't I? And we could take Floyd along, he's going crazy inside the walls," Sarah said. "Come on, we'll be back before anyone even realizes we're gone."

"What about your duties?" Nathaniel asked. "The patrols should be reporting back today, Varel might've gotten some information from the prisoners and Mistress Woolsey's new trading rules should be…"

"They can wait," Sarah said. "Zevran told me to sort out my priorities. So I'm doing that. Take a walk with me, Nathaniel."

There really was only one answer he could give her when she was looking at him with that smile on her lips.

…

Nathaniel suspected that Varel had told the guards that Sarah shouldn't leave the Vigil unattended, but when she marched past the guards, giving them the perfect "I'm in charge here, you know"-look, the men simply saluted and allowed her to pass. Floyd was hopping along her side and as soon as they reached the forest, the mabari ran ahead, leaving the two slow humans behind him.

They walked in silence for what felt like a very, very long time. They both were trying to think of something to open the conversation with, but nothing seemed suitable. They had expected that talking would be easier away from everyone else, somewhere they could be alone, but somehow the intimacy of the situation was making it even harder to say anything.

"Last night," Sarah suddenly said, stopping and turning to look at him. "Last night was… well, surprising and… You… Could you stop smiling like that, it's hard to concentrate," she added, but this only deepened Nathaniel's smile.

"Only if you can stop smiling too," he said, reaching to touch her cheek.

"So what… What was last night? Where do we go from here?" she looked at him, twisting her hands ever so slightly and looking so adorable that Nathaniel had to kiss her. "That's not exactly an answer," she pointed out, but didn't really seem to object.

"I… I really like you," Nathaniel said and she grinned. "You are… You're not like any woman I've met before."

"You know, that can be interpreted in many ways, not all good," she said. "I'm just teasing you," she added when a panicked look flashed across Nathaniel's face. "I like you too."

"Well," Nathaniel said, watching her.

"Yes, well," she said. "So we like each other. I think that's a good place to be. And…"

"We can see where we go from there," Nathaniel said and Sarah nodded.

"That sounds like a good plan," she said, but then a panicked look crossed her face. "Oh, Maker, I just realized something. Oghren is going to be completely impossible from now on. There'll be no end to those double entendres. And Velanna..."

"Maybe we should… You know, keep this between the two of us," Nathaniel said. Sarah shook her head and planted a little kiss on his cheek.

"That would mean I couldn't do that whenever I want to and I don't think I could survive that," she said. Nathaniel grinned and kissed her, pulling her against him and forgetting everything else, since there really was nothing else in the world at the moment. Except for Floyd, who had run up to them and was nudging his leg.

"Bringing the dog was a bad idea," he muttered as they pulled apart. Sarah grinned and patted the mabari.

"Maybe we should get back. Varel will worry, and if we stay too long, Oghren's imagination will run way too wild," she said. "And I need to get everything sorted out before tomorrow, because we need to head to Blackmarsh."

"Alright," Nathaniel said and took her hand. She smiled at him and they started walking towards the Vigil, with Floyd bouncing around them and barking happily.

…

Note from the writer: I thought I would get this finished sooner, but the heat came back and my brain turned into mush. I'm feeling much gooder now. ;) I also had a major "oh cock"-moment when I started DAO again as a human noble and realized that one of the conversation options with Arl Howe states that Thomas was a couple of years younger than Sarah. I've been writing him as a couple of years older. Whoopsie. This chapter was written under the influence of Top Gear, Duffy's Rockferry, Snow Patrol and Not the Messiah (He's a Very Naughty Boy).

Herren+Wade=true love.

Zevran+Anders=why not?

Translations (Italian may be incorrect, but here's what those things are meant to mean):

- Non come bella come lei. – Not as beautiful as you.

- Idiota – Idiot (How many honestly _didn't_ figure this out themselves?)

- Arrivederci – Goodbye


	9. The Dead

**Chapter 9 - The Dead**

The spirit of justice stared at the gates in front of it. The human spirits in the village were scared, they were angry, they were confused. Most of them thought they could go back home if they only defeated the Baroness.

It would've been fair to tell them that it was impossible to go back, but sometimes justice needs to be a little blind and ignore impossible wishes and even the truth. The most important thing was to defeat the Baroness. And he couldn't do it alone. He needed these people.

But... These people were ordinary, with no combat skills other than what was needed at a tavern brawl. And their feelings, all that fear, hope, love, loss, they made them unpredictable. Unreliable. Would they be enough to defeat the Baroness with their feelings and wishes?

The spirit of justice didn't understand their feelings. It had never felt anything. It was justice, it had a duty, but that was all. It didn't do its duty because it felt anger towards the evil and love towards the good and downtrodden. It did so because it was its duty. Although, when the spirit of justice looked at the closed gates, at the dark shape of the mansion before him, and thought about the twisted creature inside that place, it could almost imagine what it felt like to hate.

...

The body of Kristoff lay on the cold ground. Blackmarsh was a wet place, but it was also cold at that time of the year, so the body hadn't decomposed much. There was a pool of blood under Kristoff's body. There was no more Kristoff.

When he'd travelled to Blackmarsh, he'd thought about his wife. It was unwise for Grey Wardens to marry, because having a child became much more difficult, and because at some point there would be the time to say goodbye and head for the Deep Roads and a gruesome death. When a Grey Warden married, there was always heartbreak.

The problem with human heart, however, is that sometimes it forgets the facts, ignores the sensible thing to do and falls. And is caught by someone who keeps it and gives their heart in return. Kristoff had loved Aura, loved her so much he wanted to spare him the misery of being married to a Grey Warden. But Aura had pointed out he should spare her the misery of not being married to Kristoff. Of not being with the man she loved. So his heart had given in.

Kristoff had thought about Aura when he'd travelled to Balckmarsh. He'd thought about her when he'd searched the place for clues, trying to ignore the fear that crept into his heart at every strange rustle, at every moving shadow. And after he'd been attacked, when he'd slumped to the ground, tried to reach for his weapon and known that he couldn't get up anymore, when he'd felt his blood flow out of the wound, when he'd felt his body coming to a stop... He'd thought about Aura.

When Kristoff had died, the last thought, the last feeling he'd had was love.

...

Nathaniel sat on the large stone and stared at the village of Blackmarsh in the distance. Although they could've reached the village before nightfall and made camp there, an unsaid statement had hung in the air around the whole group; we will not go into that village when it's getting dark.

"It really does look like it's haunted, doesn't it?" Nathaniel had heard her approach, but hadn't turned around. He enjoyed listening to the sound of her movements, the twigs breaking under her feet, the light creak from her leather armour. He liked the feeling of anticipation before she reached him and sat down next to him, her hip brushing against his.

"You're scared?" Nathaniel asked and Sarah rolled her eyes, resisting the urge to stick her tongue out at the man.

"Cautious," she replied with a little smile and looked towards the village. "I don't know if there are any ghosts there, but there's something evil. Something... Not darkspawn, at least not so many I could sense them, but something." She realized she wasn't making much sense, but to her surprise, and delight, Nathaniel nodded.

"I know what you mean," he said. "The place feels wrong. It's like there's something dark and heavy hanging over the entire area."

"Why couldn't there be happy places with no darkspawn and with people going about their lives? Even once it would be nice to find a village where everything was fine, with, I don't know, sheep grazing peacefully and little children running after butterflies," Sarah sighed, but with a little smile on her lips, and Nathaniel laughed and wrapped an arm around her, pulling her against him.

"There will be one day, my..." Love, say it, you know you want to say it! Nathaniel almost froze at his own thoughts, egging him on to territory he wasn't familiar with. "...dear," he finished meekly, wondering if she'd noticed the pause, if it had been as long to her as it had felt like to him.

"That's what people said after the Archdemon fell," Sarah sighed and then looked at Nathaniel. "But it's still nice to hear," she added and kissed him.

She had meant it to be just a quick little kiss, to show how much she appreciated him being there, for caring and trying to cheer her up. Just one kiss before they returned to the camp, nothing more, but her hands went to his hair, to his neck, while his hands caressed her face, her back, pulled her closer... It should've been just a quick little kiss, but then she was on his lap, straddling him, their lips meeting again and again, his hands caressing her back and pulling her against him, her hips moving in the rhythm of their kisses.

"Sarah," Nathaniel breathed out between kisses and then groaned as her hips moved down and he knew she could feel his arousal even through his armour. "I... We can't..."

"You're right," she said, as out of breath as he was, trying to shift her position and causing another stifled moan from Nathaniel. "You're right, but..." She kissed him again, hungrily, and he wondered how easy it would be to strip away her armour, then strip away his own, to push her down on the bed of grass and dead leaves and...

"I hate to interrupt your mating, but the dwarf was supposed to keep watch and he's passed out. So I thought our leader should decide if she wants to wake him up or take his watch." Velanna's approach had made no sound; she had lived in the forests her entire life and if she wanted to move unheard, she could do so.

"Oh, Maker!" Sarah got up, blushing, and her eyes darted from Nathaniel to Velanna. "I'll... I'll go and... I'll go!" She almost fled towards the camp and the bright light from the fire. Velanne cocked her head as she looked at Nathaniel.

"Would you like a few moments alone to deal with your... situation?" she asked, venom dripping from every word. "Don't worry, I'll leave."

"Wait, we need to talk!" Nathaniel almost got up, but then decided it was wiser to remain sitting, just for a little longer. Velanna eyed him haughtily.

"What could we possibly have to talk about?" she said. "I think you made yourself perfectly clear the last time we... spoke," her voice almost faltered, but her icy stare remained fixed on his.

"I want to apologize," Nathaniel said. "I led you on and I shouldn't have. I just found you interesting and I enjoyed talking with you. You're not afraid to speak your mind and defend your position, and that's admirable."

"But not admirable enough," Velanna said. "You chose someone else."

"I never meant it to happen like that," Nathaniel said. "You are a fascinating woman, but I…"

"Oh, please!" Velanna's voice sounded almost amused as she looked at him. "Say anything but 'it's not you, it's me', because I don't think that any woman actually believes that."

"It may be a cliché, but it's also the truth," Nathaniel shrugged. "I'm sorry for hurting you."

"It takes more than a rejection from a human to hut me," Velanna said, but her eyes did not meet Nathaniel's. "However, I suppose I'm… grateful for your kind words and your explanation."

"So can we go back to being friends?" Nathaniel asked.

"Friends? Were we ever truly friends?" Velanna looked at him. "But… Comrades, yes. And I'll try to get along with the others as well, although they are not making it easy. And," she continued when she saw Nathaniel was about to add something, "I'll behave around Sarah. None of this really was her fault, so I shouldn't have blamed her. Well, it doesn't matter anymore."

"So everything is fine between us?" Nathaniel asked. Velanna gave him a little smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.

"It will be, I think. Good night, Nathaniel," she said and disappeared among the trees. Nathaniel sighed and turned to look back towards the village, but the sight of the place was too unnerving and he headed towards the warmth and safety of the campfire.

…

"Look, about what happened last night…" Sarah slowed down her pace to walk next to Nathaniel. Oghren was walking in the front through the ruined village while Velanna followed the dwarf, her eyes scanning the surroundings alertly. "Not good. Not that I mean it didn't feel good, because it did, it's just that… Stop looking at me like that, you're making me forget what I was going to say!" she almost wailed. "I mean, something like that can't happen again. Not… out here, with the others around." She could feel herself blushing and hated it.

"I know," Nathaniel said, but couldn't resist touching her face with the feeble pretence of pushing a lock of hair from her face. Sarah swatted her hand away, not angrily, but firmly.

"When I'm with you, it's too easy to forget everything else. And out here that could mean easily ignoring a big scary darkspawn creeping at us," Sarah said, glancing at the others who had slowed down a little, either to wait for them or to hear their conversation better.

"You're right," Nathaniel said. "We need to… Well, I think we need to talk, but not right now. And before we get the chance to talk…"

"No excessive kissing or anything else that can be distracting," Sarah finished, trying very hard to ignore the snigger coming from the direction where Oghren was probably going through his list of innuendo to find something suitable for the occasion. "We're not teenagers, we're adults, and we should be able to act like adults."

"I can't help it if being in love with you makes me…" Nathaniel's voice faltered and Sarah's eyes widened. There it was, the word he'd wanted to say so many times now, but which he'd bitten back, partly because he wasn't certain if it was the time for it, but also because he wasn't certain if he really meant it. Somehow the word carried so much more meaning when he thought about Sarah. He couldn't just say it and then take it back, not with her. With her, it had to be for real.

"I think I've found your missing Warden!" Velanna called out, and Sarah turned away from Nathaniel, her heart beating much faster than it should have. Had he really just told her he loved her, or had that been just a slip of the tongue? All of that was too much to think of right then, so she hurried over to Velanna.

"Yes, that's probably Kristoff," Sarah sighed as she stared at the body on the ground. It had been there for some time, but the frost had probably preserved it, since it didn't look as bad as some of the corpses she'd come across. And to think there'd been a time in her life when coming across corpses was a rare, almost once-in-a-lifetime kind of thing.

"Whoever killed him, might still be here or might've left, so…" Sarah started to say, but then the familiar sensation tingled down her spine.

"Darkspawn, very near," Velanna said. Sarah nodded and they headed onwards, leaving Kristoff's body behind them.

Although they could sense the darkspawn, there were none to be seen, until a hurlock, carrying a mage's staff, appeared in front of them, looking worryingly confident.

"The Mother knew you'd come," it said, and Sarah stared at it in shock. Sure, the Architect had spoken, but he'd been different. Or maybe not as different as she'd thought.

"Who is the Mother?" Sarah asked and the hurlock grinned, or at least that's what she thought it did.

"You don't know? But you serve the Father, don't you? Evil Father, trying to undo everything the Mother wants to achieve."

"Father? Do you mean the Architect?" Sarah asked.

"Questions, questions, should I answer? No! I talk too much," the hurlock said, almost regretfully. "I must do now what Mother said. You must go." It raised its staff and Sarah could hear Nathaniel pulling back his bowstring and sensing an arrow towards the creature, but then

…

"No, I shouldn't be here! The spell, oh, Mother, why? Why did this happen?" The hurlock was screaming and then Sarah heard footsteps hurrying away as she opened her eyes and scanned her surroundings, which were strangely blurred and slightly out of focus.

"Oh, great, it's the Fade," she muttered as she got up from the ground, rubbing her elbow that she'd hit as she landed. Her companions were also getting to their feet and eyeing the surroundings.

"You've been here before?" Nathaniel asked, walking to her and touching her arm gently, then pulling his hand away like she'd burned him.

"Yes," Sarah turned to look at him and there was a moment of silence, a moment that needed to be filled with something, so she snatched the first conversation topic that popped into her mind when she thought about the Fade. "I turned into a mouse." It wasn't as important as 'do you really love me?', but it was the best she could do. Nathaniel's brow furrowed.

"A mouse?" he stared at her. "Don't you need to be a mage for that?"

"Fade has its own set of rules," Sarah said, the really important question still echoing in her mind, but a more pressing matter pushing it forcefully aside. "But I can tell you about those later. Right now we need to hurry."

"Time passes differently in here," Velanna explained as they set off through the warped village. Sarah found herself hoping that Anders was with them, since he had also some book knowledge of the place. But the Circle had finally given in and sent them reinforcements, if you could call a mage and his apprentice as reinforcements. To Anders wasn't there, and neither was Sigrun, who was helping to train the troops, since her experience with the Legion made her the most valuable source of information on darkspawn in the Vigil. And Floyd had sprained his leg when running after a rabbit and straight into a rabbit hole. Sarah was actually kind of glad the mabari wasn't in the Fade. He probably would've run after a bear demon or something because he'd be certain he could take it down.

"When you get sent into the Fade against your will, it's best to find your way out as soon as possible, or you might not have a body to return to anymore," Velanna continued, proving to Sarah that she had more than enough knowledge of the Fade and making her feel a little ashamed. She kept forgetting that while Velanna didn't have a Tower education, she had the cumulated knowledge of generations of Dalish mages. In some aspects, that was a lot better than the Chantry-regulated knowledge that was passed on in the Tower.

"That's what happened to Niall, a mage I met in the Fade. He hadn't been there that long, but… He couldn't return to his body anymore," Sarah sighed. For some reason, of all the people she hadn't really known but whose deaths she had witnessed, the loss of Niall hurt her the most. The mage had tried to do his best, despite of being afraid, and although without him they may have never gotten the Litany, it had cost him dearly.

"Please, oh please, help me!" A woman appeared in front of them, sobbing desperately. "You need to come now! Please, before it's too late" She turned and rushed off, towards a door at the side of one building.

"Is there a special Fade word for 'trap', or is it just the plain ol' 'trap'?" Oghren grunted.

"'Trap' will do nicely," Sarah said and drew her sword as they followed the woman into a dark corridor. If adventuring thought you anything, it was that 90 percent of damsels in distress, in fact, weren't.

…

The suspected trap had indeed been a trap, and not a good one at that. When they got out of the dark corridors, Sarah was surprised to see people. There was a whole village before them, people sitting on benches next to their houses, walking down the street. Walking towards the town square. As Sarah led the group into the square, they saw a spirit in a glimmering armour addressing the people.

"…we need to defeat the evil that lives here. I know you are…" the spirit's voice faded as its eyes turned to look at the newcomers. "Are you vile servants of the Baroness?" The spirit's voice got a dark edge around it, and Sarah saw the villagers draw away from them.

"No, we're not," she replied, stepping forward. "We were sent to this place against our will, and are looking for a way out. I'm Sarah, by the way," she added, giving the spirit a little smile.

"You do not seem evil," the spirit said, ignoring the chance to introduce itself. "Perhaps you can help us. The Baroness has trapped these good people here. They are unable to move on. And right now they are not strong enough to face the Baroness. If you help us I'm certain that the Baroness' demise will give you a chance to leave this place."

"Who is the Baroness?" Sarah asked as she approached the spirit. Nathaniel was almost at her side and she wanted to reach out and take his hand, but stopped herself. "I've learnt a few things about her while being here, but… I think I'm really asking _what _she is."

"She was a human, once," the spirit replied. "What she had become… I'm not certain if there is a word for that. But she must be stopped. For these people. For justice."

"How can we help?" Sarah asked. Although she couldn't see the spirit's face behind its helmet, she somehow felt the spirit was pleased, perhaps even relieved.

"Join us as we storm these gates and face her," the spirit said. "After she's gone, I will help you find a way back to your home. I give you my word, as a spirit of justice."

"Let's go then," Sarah said and turned to look at her companions. Nathaniel nodded at her, as did Velanna, whereas Oghren was grinning like a maniac and holding his axe ready.

"It's never boring with you!" the dwarf exclaimed. "Fighting wherever we go, even in the Fade! Now let's get that Baroness bitch."

…

The battle was chaotic. Sarah dodged a blow from the hurlock that had found a new mistress in the Baroness, and saw from the corner of her eye how one of Nathaniel's arrows took out yet another enemy. The hurlock raised his staff, but Sarah lunged forward, her sword knocking the staff aside while her dagger sunk into the creature's chest. It screamed and unleashed the spell it had been preparing, which sent Sarah flying backwards. She landed on the ground and heard something break before she even felt it; it was like the cracking sound from her leg drowned out all the other noises.

"Sarah!" It was Nathaniel, that she could make out, but then her world was taken over by the pain as she tried to pull herself up. Through some kind of haze she saw the hurlock lurch towards her, her dagger still stuck in its chest, but an arrow flew, she could hardly believe it, straight into its eye, and it toppled backwards.

"Don't try to move, you idiot!" Velanna was suddenly at her side and the healing spell took out some of the pain, although not enough by a long shot. And then… the world shook and went black.

Sarah landed on her back again, this time expecting the pain, so it wasn't such a terrible shock. She forced her eyes open, although a part of her brain wanted to just lie still, and noticed that they were back in the real Blackmarsh.

"Andraste's knickerweasels!" Oghren breathed out and Sarah turned to follow his gaze. She was actually surprised the dwarf had used such a mild expression, since the image deserved much stronger words. In the Fade, the Baroness had been in human form, but in the real world, her twisted nature came to show. A demon form, tall and imposing, turned around, scanning its surroundings and then giving out a scream of rage.

"Get up! Ignore the pain!" Velanna cast another spell at her and Sarah found that the pain subsided enough for her to do so. She turned to thank the mage, but she was already gone, running to the side to get a better aim at the demon.

"What… What is this?" As Oghren rushed towards the demon and Velanna flung her first spell, Sarah turned to look at Kristoff. The dead man was standing up, staring at his hands I horror. As he turned towards Sarah, she saw the faint light shining from the man's eyes.

"Sarah, it's coming!" Nathaniel shouted and she turned to look at the demon, who had just swatted Oghren aside. The dwarf was already getting up, mostly unharmed, but the demon was heading towards her.

"Justice!" she shouted, and the spirit, trapped in the human body, looked at her. "The Baroness! It's not over yet!" The spirit turned to look at the approaching demon and than, in an almost inhuman speed, picked up the flail that had been laying next to Kristoff's body. As the warrior attacked the demon, Sarah pulled out her bow; there was no way she could attack the creature with her sword when her leg was hurting like hell from simply standing still.

Velanna sent spell after spell flying, while Sarah and Nathaniel fired arrows at the creature. Oghren and Justice were at the heart of the battle, dodging the demons claws and hitting it with their weapons. And then, the demon stumbled, fell down, and the spirit raised its flail and crushed the demon's head.

Sarah had expected something to happen. Maybe for the body to disintegrate, or at least shift back into human form, but of course there wasn't anything human left of the Baroness, since there'd been so little to begin with. So that was that. She breathed out and then slumped into the ground the pain in her leg getting once again unbelievable, when there was no adrenaline rush to hold it back.

"Oh, Maker, Sarah!" Nathaniel was suddenly there, falling to his knees next to her, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her into his arms. She tried to hold on to him, but suddenly she had very little strength left in her body.

"Hold her still, I'm going to set the bone straight before I heal it," Velanna's voice said somewhere in the distance and then the word was full of pain, but Nathaniel held her and she buried her head against his chest as she screamed. And then the pain was gone, replaced by the calm numbness of the special kind of healing spell that Velanna used when things got really bad.

"I love you," Nathaniel whispered the words somewhere into Sarah's hair and she couldn't help it, she started to laugh. She laughed until there were tears streaming down her cheeks and then, just as Nathaniel was about to say something, she kissed him.

"I love you," she replied, caressing his face and only noticing a long scratch on his cheek when he winced under her touch. "And you're hurt."

"I don't care," he said, the tone of his voice sending warm waves through Sarah's body.

"I do," she replied and wondered if she really needed to get up and go on with her life, if it wasn't possible to freeze that moment in history and stay there forever. And then she saw an armoured figure slump to sit on a rock next to them and realized why time couldn't stand still for her, at least not yet.

"Justice," she said, turning to look at the figure, although Nathaniel was still holding her. "Are you…"

"This is not right!" the spirit almost howled. "Trapped here, in this place, in this body! This cannot be! I must find a way to get out of this body! I need to return! Kill this body, destroy it, you must, you…"

"Wait, listen!" Sarah raised her voice to get through to the spirit and got up, although leaving Nathaniel's embrace was very difficult. "Look at me."

"You need to end this!" the spirit said, ignoring her. "This is not right!"

"Listen to me! The body you're in, Kristoff, he was a good man. He was one of us, a Warden. He was devoted to stopping the darkspawn. He died before he could achieve that. But now you're in his body. You can finish what he started. Bring justice to Kristoff, to all those who've feel victim to the darkspawn."

"Stay? Here?" The spirit stared at her. "But… This is not my place. I shouldn't be here."

"But you are here," Nathaniel pointed out, moving next to Sarah and taking hold of her hand. "Maybe for a reason."

"You really think that… No, this is madness," the spirit got up. "This…" Suddenly his face went blank, like he was listening to a voice far away, barely making it out. "It's the right thing to do. He thought so. Defeating the darkspawn is the right thing to do, no matter the cost."

"Who?" Sarah asked and the spirit shook his head in disbelief.

"There are, what is the right word, _echoes_, in this body, in its mind. This Kristoff, he believed in this fight you ask me to join. And I can _feel_," the word sounded like the spirit didn't quite understand it, "that this is what I should do. Even though I don't understand it."

"Then welcome," Sarah said and then hesitated. "What should we call you now?"

"What you already called me," the spirit shrugged. "Justice. It is what I am."

"Very well, Justice it is then," Sarah smiled. "Now, let's rest for a moment before heading back to Vigil. To home," she added, as Nathaniel squeezed her hand.

"You two need some privacy?" Oghren was grinning at them, despite being splattered in demon blood and some _things _that Sarah didn't even want to recognize.

"Get lost, Oghren," Sarah didn't feel like she had the energy to come up with anything better, so she let the dwarf keep snickering as she and Nathaniel settled down and she cleaned the scratch on his cheek and bandaged a cut on his arm. Justice promised to keep watch, since he was certain he didn't need to sleep, so she curled into Nathaniel's arms and they fell asleep almost instantly.

…

Writer's note: Sorry about the update coming so late, but life has been crazy. Now it'll hopefully be less crazy and I can try to get the rest of the chapters out sooner (aiming to finish by New Year, but who knows what will happen). Thank you for the patience, for the reviews, for the faves and for being wonderful, Nathaniel-loving people. :)

I changed the events a little, mostly because of the timing of the events (and to avoid making the chapter superlong or having too many jumps over the "boring" bits). Oh, and I love "Andraste's knickerweasels" and even though it's a bit mild for Oghren to say, I had to put it in here. Anders is having a good (or bad, you decide) effect on him.


	10. The Lovers

**Chapter 10 – The Lovers**

"Can I say that I love you or will you start laughing again?"

"For maker's sake, Nathaniel, I was in shock!"

"From hearing me say I love you? Flattering."

"No, from fighting a gigantic demon while my leg was broken and hurting really bad. I think I had the right to be a bit hysterical at that point."

"And I guess hearing Oghren say 'Andraste's knickerweasels' didn't help much."

"No. Oh, Maker, now whenever I think of you telling me you love me, I will also think of Oghren."

"And knickerweasels. Don't forget them."

"I hate you."

"You don't."

"No. Now shut up and look at the stars."

Nathaniel grinned and turned his eyes towards the sky. If he was being completely honest, it wasn't really the best time or the place for stargazing. It was cloudy, so every now and then the stars were hidden behind dark clouds. It was also windy and the weather had gotten colder, so both of them were dressed in layers of clothes that somewhat dampened the romantic mood of the situation. And since there'd been another attempt at Sarah's life, Varel had put his foot down and absolutely forbidden them to leave the Keep grounds, so they were lying on a grassy patch close to Samuels' hut.

And despite all that, Nathaniel couldn't think of a more perfect situation, because right there and then, he was happy. But happiness had always been a problem for him. A part of him felt that he didn't deserve the feelings he now felt. It was too easy, too safe, too perfect. There had to be a catch, there had to be a downfall, and he couldn't help but wonder when things would go wrong.

He'd told Sarah these thoughts the previous night, after they'd returned from the Blackmarsh and were snuggling by the fireplace in her room, while technically going through some reports that Vaerl thought she should read.

"Why does love have to be difficult to find, or require constant struggle?" she'd asked him. "I mean, you and me… You already blamed yourself for your father's actions. I still feel sorry for your father's death. Do we need more worry, more guilt and tears? Is happiness really something that needs to be earned through pain?"

"I guess not," he'd sighed, caressing her cheek. "But I can't help that part of me feels like this is too easy. Like I don't deserve you."

"Wait until I have a really bad day and you can reconsider whether this is too easy," she'd said and then looked straight into his eyes. "And for deserving anything… Amidst all that's going on in our life, we both deserve happiness. You make me happy. And if I can make you happy, then… What more can I ask for?"

"_Our_ life," he'd muttered, his fingers sliding into her hair. "I think I like hearing that."

He'd kissed her and for a while there had been nothing in the world but her, her taste, her touch, her voice that whispered his name between the kisses. And then there had been a knock on the door, a guard sent by Varel to ask if Sarah had had time to read the reports yet. It hadn't taken long to send the stuttering young man away, but nevertheless Nathaniel had kissed Sarah goodnight and retired to his own room, leaving her with the damned reports.

The next day a crossbow bolt had grazed her arm, while another bolt had whizzed just past her head as she dove for cover.

Varel had been furious, demanding to know how the assassins had made their way to the battlements without being noticed. After dealing with the guards the Seneschal had marched into the prison, where he'd tried some new ways of extracting information from the men they'd caught earlier. The two new assassins were not in any condition to answer questions, at least not without a skilled mage to raise them; Nathaniel's arrows and Anders' spells had made sure of that.

Nathaniel knew that happiness was frail. Any day one of them could die. So stargazing, even when it was cold and cloudy, made perfect sense. Her fingers were trailing patterns on his palm, and he felt, without a doubt, that he deserve to feel the happiness he did. But it was only a matter of time before it might end.

"Warden-Commander, I'm so sorry to disturb you," a guard had approached them carefully and finally spoke. "A woman just arrived and she… Claire thought it was best you met her. She's waiting in the main hall. It's Aura, she's the wife of… well, was the wife of…"

"This can't be happening, not now," Sarah almost wailed as she sat up. "I'll come right away. Just… try to make sure Justice doesn't walk into the hall. I don't think the poor woman can stand the shock."

"How are you going to tell her that her husband is dead, but his body is being used by a good Fade spirit?" Nathaniel asked as he helped her up, taking any opportunity to touch her before she had to hurry away to be the Warden-Commander.

"I have no idea," she sighed.

…

"…My love, what has happened to you, why are you…" A woman's voice, desperate and pleading echoed through the hall and Sarah winced as she saw Justice standing there, staring at the woman who had tears streaming down her face.

"I'm not your husband," Justice said and the woman's voice rose to a wail.

"How can you say that? I don't care what has happened to you, I just want you back. And you're alive, you're here and…"

"He's not," Sarah heard her own voice falter even though it was just two words. Two words that would shatter this woman's life for good. "Please, you need to listen. Kristoff, your husband, he… He died."

"But he's right here, he's…" The woman turned to look at Justice, her voice finally faltering as her mind started to process what she was seeing. "You… If you're not my husband… But that is his body. This is…"

"I can explain everything, please, just…" Sarah reached to touch the woman, but she backed away, fear in her eyes.

"An abomination! You've allowed my Kristoff to become an abomination!" Aura wailed. "Wait until the Chantry hears of this, they'll tear down the walls of this place to destroy that thing. And hopefully you too!" She turned and rushed out, almost tripping over the hem of her dress as she fled.

"That could've gone better," Sarah muttered and then turned to Justice, who was staring into the distance with a strange look on his face. "Are you alright?"

"This body, it… It remembered her," Justice turned to look at Sarah slowly, speaking like it was difficult for him to find the words. "I know I've never seen her before and I have no feelings towards her, but there was this sudden urge to… to touch her, to tell her everything would be fine. Why would this man's mind want to lie to her?"

"There's still a part of Kristoff there?" Sarah asked. She wasn't certain she wanted to hear the answer.

"Some memory steeped into the flesh, fading all the time," Justice replied. "I think it was her reaction her feelings, that made the sensation so strong. But the person who lived in this body before, he's really gone. There are just echoes, of… of love, I think. Of his love towards her."

"You need to tell her," Sarah said. "She needs to hear that even though her husband is gone, he truly loved her."

"And you need her not to send this Chantry to attack us?" Justice asked, his voice almost disapproving.

"I wasn't thinking about that, but yes, it would be nice not to have Templars storming the walls, demanding that we destroy you as an abomination," Sarah said. "Wait here, I'll go and try to calm down Aura so that she would listen to you."

Sarah hurried out, almost bumping into Varel, who was coming from the prison. There was a speck of blood on the seneschal's coat that Sarah decided not to ask about, and a grim look on his face.

"Bann Esmerelle," Varel said, his voice somewhere between shocked and angry.

"What about Bann Esmerelle?" Sarah had planned on telling Varel to wait and running after Aura, but the tone of Varel's voice made her stop.

"She was behind the attacks. Clearly your rule doesn't please her, even though she got her way with having soldiers protecting Amaranthine," Varel didn't even attempt to hide his disgust. "She sent the earlier thugs, she probably sent these newest assassins as well."

"This really isn't turning out to be the best of nights," Sarah sighed. "We can't start a huge uproar over this, there may be people who are on the fence now but might jump to Esmerelle's side."

"Just what I was thinking," Varel replied. "So how do we deal with the situation?"

"I'll go and confront her," Sarah said, and continued before Varel had time to protest, "A small group can sneak into her house easily and we can take her down. I'm hoping we could capture her, but… Well, we'll have to see how co-operative she cares to be. And besides," Sarah added, as she stared at the courtyard that was completely hysterical wife-free, "we have another good reason to go to Amaranthine."

…

"The place is deserted," Nathaniel said as they walked through the main hall of Esmerelle's house in the richest part of Amaranthine. "She must be at her mansion, although she hardly ever spends time there, since it's in a very remote area and she wants to be in touch with the affairs of the city."

"We really don't have time to chase her down," Sarah sighed. "I have a bad feeling that whatever the darkspawn and the... Mother, whoever she is, are planning, is going to happen soon. We need to be at the Vigil."

"If she's escaped, she knows we know, and she might not make another attempt. Or she might get desperate and make several attempts," Nathaniel said. "You never know with her kind."

"Is this truly so common for humans?" Justice asked. "A threat of war is upon you and this Esmerelle is willing to thin the ranks of those defending all the people just to gain power to herself?"

"It's very human," Anders answered, grinning. "At least we're good at something."

"Humans are amateurs when it comes to us dwarves!" Oghren exclaimed, clearly taking pride in his race's ability to backstab just about anyone when politics was concerned. "So, no one to kill here, shame, but do we have time to stop by the tavern?"

"We need to find Aura, and Nathaniel wants to visit Delilah, so you and Anders can…"

"Do I really need to go with him?" Anders sounded like a petulant child. "He'll pass out and I'll need to pay the bill and then drag him out to sober up."

"Stop whining, you dress-wearing freak," Oghren said. "You like the ladies, and with me around, the women just swarm us."

Sarah made a sound that sounded much like a muffled laugh, Nathaniel had a sudden attack of very serious cough, and even the look on Justice's face looked very much like a stifled grin. Anders simply rolled his eyes.

"Swarm because of my animal magnetism," Oghren declared. "Just you wait and see."

…

"Stay away from me!" Aura's voice was desperate as she eyed Sarah and Justice. "I don't want to see that creature!"

"Please, you need to hear this," Sarah said. Justice put his hand on her shoulder and pushed her aside gently.

"I will do this, my friend. What I have to say is from me, and from Kristoff, to Aura alone," the spirit spoke in a calm voice, but Sarah felt his hand shake a little before he lifted it from her shoulder. "My lady, give me a moment to talk, and if after that you still feel like I'm an abomination to be destroyed, I will follow your orders and let the templars destroy this body."

"I… I don't know," Aura was staring at him with a look of absolute despair on her face. "Very well, talk."

"I'll wait outside," Sarah said and headed to the door. She leaned on the wall and stared at the statue of Andraste outside the Chantry, wondering if Justice had really meant what he said, if he really would allow himself to be killed. But it had been his choice and Sarah could only hope that the trust the spirit out on Aura was well founded. After a while Nathaniel walked up the steps, smiling the happy smile of a man who'd just spent time with his family, but seeing Sarah, his smile faded.

"Everything alright?" he asked. sarah shook her head.

"I don't know. Justice is talking to her and… I feel like I should be there, but I think I would just make a mess of the whole thing. And Justice seems to think that he can make Aura understand. But I don't know if I should…"

"Shhh," Nathaniel pulled her into his arms. "You can't do everything yourself. No matter how hard you try."

"You're very good at this," Sarah muttered against his shoulder. "Making me feel better," she explained as Nathaniel peeked down at her, giving her a puzzled look.

"It's my goal in life," Nathaniel said, and the sound of his voice, of those words, made Sarah feel like there were a million butterflies in her stomach. She was about to kiss him when the door of the Chantry opened and Justice stepped outside.

"What happened?" Sarah looked at Justice, who was staring at a ring on his finger.

"She's going to return home to mourn for her husband," Justice said, not taking his eyes off the ring. "She understands the situation, even though it causes her pain. Humans are surprising creatures."

"Are you ready to leave then?" Sarah asked carefully. The spirit lifted his eyes from the ring for the first time and nodded.

"This was his. Kristoff's. The symbol of their love. She wants me to keep it. And that makes me… happy? I'm not certain, but I think it helps me understand this body, and this world, better." Justice went back to looking at the ring for a moment until he seemed to snap out of a trance. "But we should leave now."

"First we need to see if it's possible to drag Oghren out of that tavern," Nathaniel said and then held out his hand. Sarah took it, smiling, and they headed to find a very drunken dwarf and possibly a very annoyed mage before heading home.

…

"I thought you'd never get out," Nathaniel grinned as Sarah came from Varel's office. He'd been waiting outside the room for almost an hour, gathering questioning and amused glances from guards and servants, but ignoring them.

"It was important," she sighed. "Well, until they started talking about the trade routes and how it's important to keep them safe. What's the point of keeping the trade routes safe if the villages the traders trade with are burnt to the ground by darkspawn and…"

"Enough," Nathaniel muttered and kissed her. "No more talk about work for the night. We just got back and Varel abducted you into the meeting right away, but I'm going to make sure that you get your rest tonight."

"Have I told you how wonderful you are?" Sarah smiled and allowed Nathaniel to wrap his arm around her as they walked along the corridor. A guard walked past them, saluting and trying no to grin. Two more guards were standing at the bottom of the stairs, and two more at the top of them.

"Varel has gone a little crazy with the guards," Sarah grinned as they walked up the stairs, past the guards and towards her room. "At least he's finally convinced that there's no point having a guard outside my door. If any assassin gets that close, I'm probably doomed anyway."

"You shouldn't joke about that." Nathaniel's voice was serious. "After what happened with Aura… I can't help thinking about what it would be like if I lost you, now that I've just found you."

"I'll do my best not to be killed, if you do the same," Sarah answered as they reached her door. "Right now you're my only… I can forget all the worries with you. I don't need to be the Warden-Commander, I can be myself. So don't you dare get yourself killed," she said, trying to stop her voice from breaking.

"I will," he leaned to kiss her. "Don't worry, my love. And sleep well." He pulled away, but she took hold of his hand, while her other hand came to caress his face.

"Stay," she whispered. It felt right, saying the word, after everything they'd been through, after seeing Aura and her pain of losing the love of her life, after realizing that what she had with Nathaniel was so precious and yet so fragile. Nathaniel looked at her, the look on his face a mixture of surprise and hope.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

He followed her into the room, still holding her hand, and as the door closed, he leaned to kiss her. It was a very hesitant kiss, and part of Sarah thought that it was cute how nervous Nathaniel seemed. Another part, however, was not so pleased with his hesitation and returned the kiss with passion. Nathaniel made a little sound, almost like a desperate growl, and then kissed her hungrily. He pushed her against the door and she curled her fingers into her hair while his hands held her waist, his body pressed against hers, and his lips, his tongue, met hers again and again.

Sarah tried not to, but she couldn't help thinking about the last time she'd been with a man. The memory wasn't very pleasant; seeing your lover struck down by attackers after a night of, well, fairly good sex did leave a nasty mark on a person.

"What's wrong? You want to stop?" Nathaniel was staring at her, and she could see it in his eyes, he was pleading her not to say 'yes'.

"I'm fine," she said, her fingers playing with the laces on Nathaniel's shirt. She had bad memories, but she couldn't let them get hold of her and spoil the now. Because _now_ was all that mattered, all that she needed. "And stopping is the last thing in my mind," she purred and kissed Nathaniel again. The memory tried to cling to her mind, but was swept away by the kisses, by the touches, and finally by Nathaniel's hands, which found their way under her shirt.

It was different from all the other times she'd slept with someone. She couldn't really think what about it was different, but she felt it was. The slow kisses as they peeled off each others clothes, the passionate kisses as they stumbled onto the bed, the way their hands and lips explored each other's bodies… The whole world was filled with kisses and touches and sighs and whispers and moans and sensations that one moment made her feel like she couldn't take any more and the next moment made her want more, made her give more, made her feel hot and cold and shiver and whisper and moan his name over and over. It was different and it was good and it was right and it was…

It was _him_ and he was everything and the world around her exploded.

…

"You know, you completely failed in your plan to make sure I get rest. It'll be your fault if I'm tired tomorrow."

"I know. I'm horribly torn up about it. Whatever can I do to make amends?"

"I have some ideas."

A kiss, a creak of the bed and then there was again no need for words.

…

Note from the writer: I wanted to write about the effects of Oghren's animal magnetism in the tavern, but just thinking about it made me swoon,so writing would've been impossible (just think about the amount of damage to the keyboard from swooning over it all the time). So I'll just leave those scenes to your imagination. ;) Feel free to write your ideas in the comments, or write your own fic and, please, tell me where to find it.

And the line "I'm horribly torn up about it.", I'm pretty sure I just stole it from somewhere, but I can't for the life of me remember where. So help is appreciated. :)


	11. The Sister

**Chapter 11 – The Sister**

Nathaniel woke up when something hit his arm. He opened his eyes and turned to look at Sarah, who was blinking, a surprised look on her face. She gave him a sheepish grin and brushed his arm lightly with her fingers.

"I'm sorry, I'm not used to sleeping next to someone," she said, curling up to Nathaniel. "Didn't mean to hit you. Did it hurt?"

"No," Nathaniel replied, kissing her hair. "And I'm just happy that you didn't kick me out of the bed or anything like that."

"Well, last night you did hog the covers a bit and I was thinking about it," Sarah replied, her words getting muffled by a yawn.

"Sorry about that," Nathaniel said, stroking Sarah's hair. She muttered something he couldn't make out and soon her breathing became steady. Nathaniel knew he should be sleeping too, but he enjoyed lying awake with Sarah in his arms, feeling her warmth against his body and listening to her breathing.

It was ridiculous how happy he felt. The past few days had gone by in some kind of haze; he'd gone through the necessary duties such as training archers to defend the keep, his mind already on the night ahead.

It was reckless and stupid, he knew that. The darkspawn threat, well, everyone was just waiting for the moment when the creatures made their move, unsure where they'd hit. And Esmerelle was locked up in her mansion. The spies Varel had sent there had returned with news that it seemed unlikely the Bann was planning anything, but nothing was certain. He needed to keep his head on what was important.

But then again, what was more important than her, in his arms, whispering his name, screaming it, her fingernails raking his back, her limbs entangling his, her body finding the perfect rhythm with his, sometimes fast, sometimes agonizingly slow. Nathaniel couldn't help it. He'd fallen hard, but there was nothing he regretted. She was everything now, and being with her every moment they were given was all that mattered.

"Tell them to bugger off," Sarah muttered as there was a knock on the door.

"Please, it's news from Amaranthine! The darkspawn are advancing!" The soldier's voice sounded even more frantic than his knocking. Sarah's head snapped up and she and Nathaniel were out of the bead almost simultaneously, desperately trying to pick up scattered pieces of clothing from the floor.

"My sister is in there!" Nathaniel said to Sarah as she pulled a shirt over her head. How could he not have thought of Delilah before? The guilt followed by the realization was crushing. Sarah stopped to look at him, a determined look in her eyes.

"She'll be fine. We'll make sure of that."

…

"Justice, you need to take charge of our defences. If the darkspawn are foolish enough to divide their forces and attack here as well, you need to make sure the Vigil's walls don't fall. Sigrun, you're with him. And if the darkspawn find some way into the basements, even though we've blocked everything, I know you have a few tricks up your sleeve."

Nathaniel was in awe as he watched Sarah address the people in the room. She sometimes seemed so young, and the last few days she, as well as Nathaniel, had behaved like stupid teenagers in love, but moments like this reminded Nathaniel that the woman he loved was the Warden who'd ended the Blight.

"Velanna, your magic is what could win us the day. I know you don't like the 'Circle fool', as you call him, but he and his apprentice can help you."

"There's no way I'm staying here!" Oghren bellowed. "What if the darkspawn don't come, then I'll miss all the fun!"

"Judging from the fact that you put Velanna in charge of magic, I'm coming with you," Anders said, sighing. "Wonderful."

"Yes, you, Oghren and Nathaniel will come with me. We can't take a large force, it would move too slowly, and we can't leave the Vigil unprotected. We need to trust that the city's defences will hold. I've sent word to Denerim, but… I don't think any kind of reinforcements will get here in time. So it's up to us. And I know we can do this."

Nathaniel couldn't help it; even though the situation was dire, all he wanted to was to smile and pull that amazing woman into his arms and never let her go. Sarah turned to look at him and smiled, and Nathaniel knew that whatever happened in the coming days, his duty was to make sure that she survived. Sarah and Delilah, as long as he could protect those two, he'd know he'd done his duty.

"I almost forgot," Sarah walked to him. "Sigrun and some of the other dwarves did some scavenging in the basement, while seeing if there were any routes for darkspawn to attack. And they found something. Come on, we have little time before we need to leave."

Nathaniel followed her to the armoire, which was buzzing with action. There was a bow laying on the table at the corner of the room, and Nathaniel could hardly believe his eyes. He'd seen that bow in a painting of his grandfather, the Gray Warden who'd left his family because of his duty. Sarah took the bow and handed it to him.

"It's yours now. Well, it's always been yours, but..." Her words were cut out when Nathaniel kissed her, ignoring the stares and sniggers from some of the younger soldiers queuing to get better gear. "I was thinking of giving it to you later today, but then everything went all crazy and I almost forgot all about it," Sarah said, sounding slightly out of breath, when they broke apart.

"Thank you, my love," Nathaniel said and Sarah gave him a quick kiss on the lips. "How can I ever..."

"If you're thinking about repaying, I have some ideas, but they'll have to wait," Sarah smiled wickedly. "Now, let's go save the day. Again."

...

"Delilah, come on!" Delilah could hear the desperation in her husband's voice as Albert headed towards the door. She took his hand and they stepped outside into a chaos. There were soldiers running around, ordinary people screaming, running, some standing still, like they were not believing what was happening around them. There was a little girl standing in the middle of the street, crying. Albert snatched her into his arms and Delilah, even in the midst of her fear, felt proud. That was why she loved him.

"We need to get to the Chantry!" Albert shouted, the girl in her arms still crying, but luckily not trying to wriggle away. "There's..." His words died out as two darkspawn stepped in front of them, swords in hand. Delilah screamed as the creatures rushed towards Albert, but four soldiers, ran past her and attacked the darkspawn.

"Get out of the streets now!" one of them shouted at Delilah and Albert. Albert rushed past the battle, the girl in her arms wailing, and Delilah followed, wondering what the baby in her belly was thinking about all of this. It was strange, that in a situation such as this the baby was the first thing in her mind. She'd had thought it was her own survival, but no, it was the child. Always the child.

There were more darkspawn near the Chantry, but the soldiers were keeping them busy so that people could get into the Chantry. Albert and Delilah ran in, trying to find a place to sit in the building already full of people. Delilah found a space near a wall and slumped down. Albert put down the little girl, who collapsed on the floor. Delilah moved towards the girl and pulled her into her arms.

"It's going to be okay," she muttered into the girl's blond hair. "Don't worry, it's going to be okay."

She was trying to tell herself that she believed what she was telling the girl, but it wasn't easy. Then her husband sat down next to her and wrapped his arm around her and believing it was a little easier.

...

"We'll stay!" Sarah shouted at the darkspawn messenger, who almost took a step back in shock. "We're not going to leave these people to die! So make yourself useful and help!"

Nathaniel didn't stop to wait until the darkspawn made up his mind. The city was in chaos and the soldiers were not doing well against the darkspawn. Nathaniel had lost count at how many he'd killed by the time they got to Del's street, and that was when he stopped caring. He'd seen the smoke rising, but had ignored it, had convinced himself that the fire wasn't that big. It was almost the first half of the row of houses was on fire.

"You can't go there!" Oghren grabbed hold of his arm when Nathaniel rushed towards the burning house, shouting Delilah's name. "If there's anyone still in there, you can't save them."

"Nathaniel, please," He heard Sarah's voice and realised he'd sagged to his knees on the street, still staring at the burning house. "Del's smart, they've probably gone to the Chantry. But we need to get there now, before the darkspawn run over that place as well!"

Nathaniel didn't really remember anything that happened after that. There were darkspawn, and then there were dead darkspawn. But it felt like his body was dong all the killing while his mind was far away, barely registering what was going on.

"You, keep watch here. Any sign of darkspawn, come get us!" Nathaniel was aware of Sarah barking orders at the scared young guards outside the Chantry and then she was by his side, taking his arm. Nathaniel followed her into the Chantry, almost shaking.

"We need some bandages here!"

"My baby, please, I can't find him, please, where's my baby, I can't find him, I can't..."

"It's the end, it's the end, it's the end..."

Screams, shouts, wailing... The wall of sound hit Nathaniel as they stepped into the building full of people.

"Please, he's hurt badly, can you..."

"Maker protect us, Maker protect us, Maker protect us..."

"Let me go, I'm going to kill them all, they killed my wife, let me go!"

"Nathaniel!" Suddenly Delilah was there, hugging him, and Nathaniel snapped back to reality. He held Del, allowing the tears stream down his face. His sister was alive. The whole city could burn down around him for all he cared, his sister was alive and it was enough.

...

Sarah settled against the wall, sighing. Anders was healing people, Oghren had gone out to keep watch and Nathaniel was still with Del, who was trying to find the little girl's parents. Floyd rested his head in her lap and she stroked the dog's neck absentmindedly.

Everything reminded her so much of Denerim that she felt almost nauseous. Suddenly the memories were back, more vivid than ever; fighting through the city to get to the Archdemon, not certain which one of them would manage to kill it, or it they'd manage to do it, not certain whether Morrigan's ritual had actually worked... All the death, destruction and fear, they were all back, making her heart feel tight in her chest.

She didn't turn to look at Nathaniel when he sat down next to her. He wrapped is arm around her and they sat in silence for a while. It was one of those things about Nathaniel she hadn't thought much about, but that was one more wonderful thing about the man; he could fill the silence with his presence so that words weren't needed. She must've fallen asleep, because when she opened her eyes, she was curled against Floyd and Nathaniel was gone, but Delilah was there, smiling at her as she blinked.

"He told me to tell you not to start rushing around," Delilah said. "And when my brother asks me to look after the woman he loves, I do what he says," she added with a grin. "You know, even though everything is going so wrong, seeing Nathaniel so happy with you... Sometimes I thought Nathaniel would never find someone. He's so.." Delilah stopped and sighed. "My brother does not open up to people easily. But when he does, he's the most wonderful person you'll ever meet."

"I know," Sarah said, and Delilah's smile widened.

"Have you any idea how happy you look, too?" Delilah asked. "Even though you have some blood in you hair," she added, her nose wrinkling a bit. "Not yours, I guess?"

"Darkspawn," Sarah sighed, running her hands through her hair and finding the lumps of dried blood. "One of the many benefits of this calling."

"When will it end?" Delilah asked, her face suddenly very serious. "How long can this... I'm sorry," she added when a tear ran down her cheek. "I'm just so worried. I want this baby to..."

"It will be fine, I promise," Sarah said. "We'll make sure of it. As soon as we know the city is safe, we're heading out to search the darkspawn that probably is behind all this. This will all end."

"Thank you," Delilah sniffed, and then rolled her eyes. "Nathaniel told me to make sure you're fine and you end up comforting me."

"I won't tell him if you won't," Sarah smiled. Delilah smiled and then hugged her.

"Welcome to the family," she whispered into Sarah's ear.

"More Darkspawn in the city!" A cry came from the entrance and Sarah pulled away from Delilah and got up.

"Don't worry, you'll be safe here. And I'll keep Nathaniel safe," Sarah added, and then headed to the entrance after giving Delilah one last reassuring smile. Floyd trotted behind her, stopping to lick a few kids on the way.

"Don't you dare get killed, I promised your sister to keep you safe," Sarah said to Nathaniel, who was waiting with Oghren and Anders outside the Chantry.

"She made me promise something completely different," Nathaniel smiled, then raising his bown and sending an arrow flying at a darkspawn that appeared from behind the nearest building.

"What was it?" Sarah asked, taking aim at another darkspawn.

"I'll tell you when all this is over," Nathaniel replied. "I think they're getting into the city somewhere within it. A cellar or something?"

"Let's go search, they do keep coming from the same direction" Sarah said and gave the archers by the Chantry orders to cover them as they headed down into the city. Nathaniel followed her lead, his mother's ring that Delilah had given him safely tucked into his pocket, waiting for the right time. Now wasn't that time. But later, it certainly would be.

...

Note from the writer: Sorry again about the delay and for this slightly choppy transition chapter. I've been obsessing over other things and my DA-muse has been avoiding me, and I also was working like crazy for the last two weeks. I'm hoping that the holiday will inspire me, since there are only two more chapters and an epilogue to write. Thank you for reading this far, I hope you stick around for the rest of the story as well. And of course, merry Christmas, happy holidays and all that jazz. ;)


	12. The Mother

**Chapter 12 - The Mother**

Sarah leaned against the cold stone, feeling too tired to sleep. It was insane. She was tired, she was so tired, and she should've fallen asleep as soon as she curled up under her blanket. But she couldn't sleep. She'd finally given up and sat up, wrapping the blanket around her and staring at the small campfire that could barely even be called a fire. they were close to the place the messenger had told them about and had only dared to camp after finding a small hidden nook that couldn't be seen from anywhere around them. Once in a while she would glance at Nathaniel, who was keeping watch and sitting on a large rock, his bow resting on his knees.

Sarah closed her eyes and thought about the last time they'd been together, after they'd won the final battle against the darkspawn in Amaranthine and secured the city. It had been insane, completely inappropriate, and it still made her feel all hot and lightheaded. The battle had been won, they'd decided to rest a few hours before leaving for the place where the darkspawn messenger had claimed the Mother lived in. They should've rested, but Nathaniel had kissed her, desperately, hungrily, and she'd taken his hand and dragged him into the nearest room in the Chantry, a small room full of boxes of candles and other trivial stuff.

They'd kissed, like never before, gasping for breath, but too desperate to take it any slower. Weapons fell to the floor, followed by parts of their armour, but taking off everything would've taken too long. It had been strictly 'take off only what's necessary' and then Nathaniel had had her pinned against the wall, lips devouring hers and one of his thighs pressing between her legs, spreading them apart, like she needed any encouragement.

She'd tried to stay quiet, but it had been impossible; the desperate thrusts, Nathaniel's hot kisses on her neck and throat and the low grows he'd been making had driven her crazy. She'd screamed as she came, her head hitting the wall and her body melting against Nathaniel's, who'd made a couple of more fast thrusts and then collapsed against her, burying his face against her neck, in her hair. They'd sagged to the floor, breathing heavily and pulling on enough clothes to look at least a bit decent in case someone came in, and then fallen asleep in each other's arms.

Sarah glanced up at Nathaniel, who was staring at her, and she felt heat spread through her body. She couldn't help thinking if he was thinking what she was thinking, and she knew she should be embarrassed. Maybe it was a trick of light, a flicker from the dying fire, but it looked like Nathaniel winked at her before turning away. She smiled as she settled down on the ground, and finally fell to a troubled and not very refreshing sleep.

…

Nathaniel watched Sarah as she slept, tossing and turning. He wished he could make the nightmares go away, but he couldn't even protect himself from them. He wondered once again how it must've been during the Blight, how bad the nightmares had been, when even sensing and dreaming about ordinary darkspawn was so bad.

Before she'd fallen asleep, she'd been watching him with a strange look on her face. Maybe she'd been thinking about what Nathaniel had been thinking about – way too much – ever since they left Amaranthine. He kept thinking he should feel ashamed, but he couldn't. It had been perfect. If the Maker disapproved – if he even existed – he'd done nothing to stop them. And Nathaniel was quite certain that even an intervention from a god might not have been enough to stop them.

In order to think about something else, something that didn't make him feel like so excited, Nathaniel slipped his hand into his pocket and pulled out the ring, watching it in the dim light of the dying campfire. Somehow it felt wrong to ask her to marry him before the battle, like he was unsure they'd make it through, like he was rushing things because of a possible death. He wanted to wait. He wanted it to be perfect, like in one of those ridiculous romance novels Del had read when she was young. Nathaniel had tried to read them, since Del had been going on and on about them, but page after page of a woman wondering whether her love was thinking about her or not were not very interesting to a teenage boy. But he remembered the proposal scenes that Del had read out loud, every new scene more and more ridiculous than the previous one.

Right now he needed something ridiculous in his life. They'd defeat the darkspawn, they'd return to the Vigil – Nathaniel had to keep believing that the walls had been able to stand the darkspawn attack – and he'd plan the most ridiculously romantic night that would end with him kneeling down and asking her to be his wife.

They would live. They would live for a long time, together. That thought helped Nathaniel keep his spirits up, keep the darkest thoughts away. The future, the perfect future from a silly romance novel. Even though getting there felt like a long way away.

...

The Architect had been waiting for the Wardens to arrive. He'd felt them stop to rest at night and then continue their way already before the dawn, heading towards the Mother's lair. The Architect needed them to get there, since he couldn't enter Mother's lair. Her powers and her followers were stopping him. But the Wardens could enter. The Wardens could help him defeat her, to correct one of his many mistakes. If only they'd listen. He watched as the group entered led by Warden, for that was what he'd taken to calling the young human female, despite the fact that the rest of her group were all Wardens.

Sarah, that was her real name, turned to look at one of her companions, the dark-haired man, and he reached out to take her hand. The Architect had tried to learn to understand the human emotions, but many of them still escaped him. But the look those two exchanged, the way their hands touched... That was something he'd already learnt to recognize, even though he didn't completely understand it. He doubted he ever would, since those feelings seemed so… unnecessary and useless. But humans, as well as elves and dwarves, seemed to hold them in high regard. Strange.

Utha was impatient, maybe sensing his nervousness. He nodded at her and then stepped out in the open, hoping that the first reaction of the Wardens wasn't to send spells and arrows flying in his way. He wouldn't have been surprised if it had been, after what he'd done.

He'd planned what he'd say, but he hadn't been sure if she'd listen. But she did. So he told him what he desired. Freedom from the call of the old gods to all of his brethren. The end to the Blights that forced both his people and the Warden's people into fighting over and over. He didn't tell her of his greatest crime; she didn't need to hear it, and he couldn't risk that it would lead her to turning against him and facing Mother without his powers to aid her.

He told her of the need for blood to drown out the call of the old gods. He told her about Utha. He told her about how he'd been born different and how he'd fought to free his brethren. He told her about how he'd tried to free Mother, but how she'd reacted badly and was now building an army to continue the fight against, well, against everyone.

She listened to him, and once he'd finished, she had one question. About the elf, the sister of one of her companions, who wasn't with her at the moment. He told her it was impossible for the girl to return to normal life. That chance had been robbed from her when the darkspawn, working under his command but doing things in completely the wrong way, had taken her. She could only survive with him, since he was the only one who understood her, who could help her.

"You're saying that is all I can tell Velanna? That she will never see her sister again?"

"I'm afraid so," Architect replied. "But she still lives. Maybe that will be enough for your friend. And if it's not… Isn't it common for Grey Wardens to do what must be done, even though it means making sacrifices as well? Why care so much about one person?"

"Because she'd Velanna's sister," the Warden replied, sighing. "But I guess there's nothing to be done. So, how can you help us during the battle?"

The Architect nodded, feeling relieved. The battle against the Mother wouldn't be an easy one, but he trusted in the Warden's abilities. So he explained how she could call his powers to her aid, and then watched her walk away towards the Mother's nest.

...

She couldn't hear it anymore, the sweet music, the sound that used to echo all over her mind and make her feel safe. She couldn't hear it because Father had taken it away from her and now he'd sent his creatures after her. These humans and other things he loved so dearly, these Wardens that had killed the old god, ripped life from him like Father had ripped the music from her mind.

They walked into her home, like they'd been invited, like they were welcome. Their leader was the female who'd killed the old god. The Warden female, who'd never be a mother, who'd never know what it was like to have her children come to her defence, to be willing to die for her.

The Mother could sense it on the Warden, she was linked to one of the human males. The way Mother wished she could be linked to Father, but Father had betrayed her, had taken away the music, sought to harm her and her beautiful, beautiful children. He didn't wish to be Father to her family, he wished to destroy it so that he could rule. That's not how it worked! The Mother was the one who says what happens in a family!

Father appeared, an illusion, since his powers were useless against her, and Mother realized he hadn't told the Warden that it was he who woke up the old god, he who started the last Blight, the glorious Blight, the glorious fight to cleanse the world of the humans and elves and dwarves and other lesser creatures. So she told them, she gloated when she had this knowledge that she could throw at the Warden's face.

But the Warden didn't turn against Father. She forgave him, there and then. So Mother sent Father away, bad Father, not kind anymore, not kind ever. Father could wait and feel how his precious Warden died. Or maybe Mother would die, and at the end she'd hear the sweet song again. Or maybe the Warden's death, the death of the god-killer, would bring the song back. Whatever would happen, something would end and maybe something would begin.

Her children came to her defence, like good children had to do. For their Mother. They fought bravely but the Wardens killed them, cut down her children. She forgot the rest of the Wardens when the man, the one the Warden was linked to, got too close to her. She wrapped a tentacle around him, lifting him up, wondering how hard she'd need to squeeze to kill him instantly, or how long she could keep him alive and in pain. Long enough for the Warden to notice, long enough for her to feel the pain Mother felt when the music stopped. The man squirming in Mother's grip was the Warden's music, let her hear him end.

Mother laughed. End would come, one way or another.

...

Sarah didn't even think anymore. Anders was shouting something at her when she rushed towards Mother. Oghren and Floyd were attacking the darkspawn rushing into the cave, but Sarah's eyes were focused on the figure hanging from one of the tentacles. Another tentacle tried to slam her back, but she ducked it, sinking one of her daggers into it and rushing forward.

Nathaniel wasn't moving anymore and she couldn't know if he was even alive, but she had to believe. Mother was laughing and screaming something Sarah couldn't make out when she reached the creature. Something hit her, maybe a spell, maybe an arrow, but pain didn't matter. She pulled another, smaller dagger from her belt and looked the Mother in the face. The darkspawn was grinning, a mad, horrifying smile on her face.

Sarah focused, calling on the Architect's powers. The Mother screamed something, but Sarah ignored the sounds, concentrating only on the figure in front of her. She rushed forward, ducking yet another tentacle reaching for her, and jumped, her dagger sinking into the creature's flesh. She used it to pull herself up, a little like how she'd seen Alistair take out an ogre, once in a battlefield when his shield had been lost, his armour torn and death looming very close. She climbed up the Mother, swiping at her hands starting to push her down with her sword.

The Mother was screaming and Sarah's ears were buzzing, and she was certain that the pain she'd felt was in fact an arrow, still stuck somewhere on her side. But she sank her sword into the Mother's chest, or possibly her chest, since the anatomy of broodmothers was a little confusing, and stared into the creature's eyes. She didn't know why, but it somehow felt important to truly see her enemy. The Mother's hands grabbed her hair, pulling, but she lunged forward, the dagger sinking into the creature's left eye.

She must've been thrown down when the Mother died, the huge body thrashing around as the dagger sank into its brains, because she found herself on the cold floor, trying to catch her breath. She forced herself to her feet, falling down almost instantly, and then settling for crawling towards the limp body that had fallen from the tentacle close to her.

"Nathaniel?" her voice cracked as she reached the man, who was lying on his face. She pulled him around, pushing the dark hair from his face and leaning closer to listen for his breath, for any sign of life. "Please, please, don't…" She was aware of words flowing from her mouth, but not really what they were. She leaned closer and there it was, a ragged breath, the most beautiful thing she'd ever heard.

"Give me some space," Anders was suddenly beside them, gently pushing her aside as he knelt down. She watched him cast a spell, then another, and then he turned to her.

"Help him, not me!" she wailed, but Anders raised his hands and Sarah felt some of the pain disappear.

"He'd kill me if you were dead when he woke up," Anders smirked, the effect of the smirked slightly weakened by the gaping wound on his cheek, and then he turned back to Nathaniel. Floyd rushed to her side and she leaned against the mabari, fighting to keep her eyes open. Last night she'd had trouble getting sleep, and suddenly her entire body was demanding her to close her eyes and let go of the world for a while.

"Sarah?" Nathaniel's voice was barely audible. She took his hand, Anders moving aside to give her room, and smiled at him. "Is.. is it over?"

"Yes," she replied, squeezing his hand, then trying to fight back the tears welling in her eyes. "I thought you…"

"I'm here," he said, smiling and then wincing as he tried to sit up, but fell back down. "Not going to leave you now. Or ever."

"Why don't you two lovebirds let me heal you so we can get out of here and you can continue that somewhere where there isn't a gigantic and disgusting corpse next to you?" Anders interjected. "Just a suggestion, maybe you like it here, but I really, really don't."

"Sure," Sarah said, giving the mage some space but holding on to Nathaniel's hand. She wasn't planning on letting go for a long time.


	13. The Brother

**Chapter 13 – The Brother**

"You know, watching you two is starting to make me feel nauseous," Anders sighed by the campfire, staring at Nathaniel and Sarah, who were sitting opposite to him. Nathaniel was leaning against a fallen tree and Sarah was leaning on him, his left arm encircling her waist and his right hand stroking her hair.

"What?" Sarah looked up at Anders, frowning.

"Ignore him, he's being an idiot," Nathaniel whispered, but loud enough for Anders to hear.

"I mean it, you two are worse than lovesick teenagers!" Anders almost wailed, and Sarah did her best to stop herself from grinning. "Give the rest of us a break!"

"The rest of you?" Sarah asked. "Floyd is sleeping. And he's a mabari, so I guess what humans do doesn't really bother him. Oghren is keeping watch and he's not complaining. Only you are."

"Just… Oh, forget it!" Anders groaned and got up, starting to head towards his bedroll.

"Maybe we should get you a girlfriend, so you don't have to be jealous of me and my Natey-pooh!" Sarah shouted after him, batting her eyelashes innocently when Anders turned back and shot her a dark look.

"I think getting him a girlfriend might work," Nathaniel said as they watched the mage crawl under his blanket.

"Or a boyfriend," Sarah shrugged. "Maybe I should try to get in touch with Zev and ask him to come back."

"Maybe," Nathaniel chuckled and then touched her chin, turning her head so that she was looking at him. "And one thing. You know that I love you more than anything in this world," he said calmly. "But call me Natey-pooh again and I might have to reconsider my feelings."

"Oh, I was just starting to think that it would be the perfect nickname for you," Sarah moaned, her lower lip wobbling.

"You're a terrible actor," Nathaniel said and kissed her. When he was certain he would die from the lack of oxygen, and didn't really care, she pulled away and nuzzled against him, her head resting on his shoulder.

"By they way," she whispered, her fingers tracing his chest through the coarse fabric of his shirt, "I love you too."

Nathaniel smiled and kissed her forehead. Some time later her steady breathing told him she was asleep. He should've carried her to her bedroll and gotten some sleep as well, but she was so soft and warm and beautiful right there in his arms that he couldn't. He could only hope that he wouldn't regret his decision the next day when they would continue their walk back to the Vigil.

…

They walked past two farmsteads on their way to the Vigil, both of them destroyed by the darkspawn, with no people to be seen. When they got closer to the keep, they could see a column of smoke rising up. Nathaniel felt his heart sink. Somehow he'd kept telling himself that there was no way the vigil could've fallen, but seeing that smoke… He braced himself for the possibility of seeing his home in ruins as they walked up a cliff and looked down into the valley.

"Maker's breath!" Anders sounded as relieved as Nathaniel felt.

"Now that's a welcomed sight," Oghren was smiling and loosening his grip on his axe. "Maybe they have beer."

"Alistair, you magnificent bastard," Sarah sighed, grinning and then suddenly kissing Nathaniel, who felt that he was getting the rewards for someone else's actions, but he was not about to complain.

In the fields before the Vigil, the King's Army had set up their camp. The smoke rising to the sky came from their campfires, as well as from the large fire a little away from the camp, where darkspawn bodies were being burnt. The Royal flag was flying over the largest tent, as well as on the battlements of the Keep.

"I see you were as successful as we were," a voice behind them said. Velanna was standing there, leaning on her staff like she'd been standing there for ages, instead of appearing out of nowhere. "Although we had some help, even though it pains to admit that your human king could do anything right."

"It's good to see you!" Sarah said, and was rewarded with a little smile. "Is everyone alright?"

"I guess that by 'everyone' you mean the people you know, not the ordinary soldiers who gave their lives here," Velanna scoffed. "Everyone is fine, apart from the spirit. His body was killed. Whether he perished with the body or returned to the Fade, I know not."

"Justice…" Sarah sighed. "I hope he's fine. And at least Aura will get the chance to bury her husband."

"Yes, silver lining," Velanna said dryly. "Now, did you encounter the creature that took my sister? Was he there?"

"He was but…" Sarah sighed. "Velanna, I'm sorry. Your sister would not survive without the Architect's help. She can't live in this world anymore."

"I guess that's what the creature would tell you," Velanna said, but she sounded more weary than angry. "This is goodbye, then. I will not give up on my sister. I will find her and I will see if what you said is true. If it is, then I will join this creature as well."

"Look, why don't you…" Sarah started to say, but Velanna shook her head.

"She's my sister. I will take care of her, in any way I can. Goodbye, all of you," she said, her eyes sweeping over all of them, stopping at Nathaniel for a moment and then turning back to Sarah. "And… thank you, if that actually matters." She took a step back, waved her hand and roots shot up from the earth, engulfing her and pulling her to the ground with them.

"That's certainly an effective way to exist," Anders broke the short silence that followed Velanna's departure. "Now, Oghren mentioned something about beer and I think we should thank the king or whatever, and then see if there really is any beer. And wenches. Armies have wenches, don't they? Wenches love soldiers."

"I…" Sarah stared at the mage, not sure whether she should slap him or laugh. "Yes, let's go find you a wench and beer. And Alistair, so that I can thank him. And then I need to find a bed."

"Heh, I bet you do!" Oghren grinned.

"To sleep in," Sarah sighed, but then glanced at Nathaniel with a mischievous smile on her lips. "Of course, my plans may change."

"Now you're learning, my girl!" Oghren laughed and started towards the camp.

"Is it bad that I agree with Oghren for once?" Nathaniel whispered in Sarah's ear before taking her hand following the dwarf.

…

Alistair wasn't in the camp, but there was beer and a promise of some wenches from the nearby villages showing up later, so Oghren and Anders stayed behind to entertain the soldiers with their stories about the Mother, while Floyd was determined to get acquainted with one of the female mabaris in the camp and simply sat down in front of the mabari pen, refusing to move. Sarah and Nathaniel continued on towards the keep, and when they got there, the first person they saw was Sigrun, who gave a happy little squeak and rushed to hug them both. As they made their way across the courtyard, soldiers were saluting them – Sarah was still finding it a bit ridiculous – and when they got to the stairs, the doors of the keep flew open and Alistair marched out.

"Not late this time," Alistair said as Sarah rushed to him, hugging him tightly. "Just happy to be of service, my Commander."

"Shut up." Sarah kissed his cheek and then, unable to resist the temptation, ruffled his hair. "Your majesty," she then added, taking a step back and giving him a little curtsy, which made him laugh.

"I take it this is Nathaniel Howe," Alistair's eyes turned towards Nathaniel, who nodded, not certain what the king's reaction would be. He had nothing to be ashamed of, since he was not responsible for his father's actions. Alistair took a few steps towards him and then extended his hand.

"An honour to meet a fellow Warden," he said, and Nathaniel took the hand, shaking it. "Although from what Sigrun has been telling me, that's not all you are. By a long shot."

"Alistair, if you still wish me to introduce you to nice noble girls, you will forget everything Sigrun has told you," Sarah said, ignoring the protests of the dwarf. "Well, at least the most... graphic parts."

"My stories weren't that bad," Sigrun muttered, "And it's not my fault that my room is next to yours and I happen to hear…"

"You're as bad as Oghren!" Sarah almost wailed and Sigrun grinned.

"At least I didn't tell anything to your brother, even though after that insult I really sh…"

"Brother?" Sarah stared at Sigrun and then turned to look at Alistair, who'd been listening to their exchange with an amused look o his face. "Is Fergus here?"

"Insisted on coming along," Alistair grinned. "You're brother's a little bossy, I see that runs in the family. He's on patrol now but…"

"On patrol! You shouldn't let him go on patrols, the last time he did he was…" Sarah turned to look as riders galloped through the gates into the courtyard, lead by a familiar figure. She skipped three steps at time and met the rider – who'd jumped off his horse as soon as he saw Sarah – in the middle of the courtyard.

"Thank the Maker you're alive!" Fergus pulled her into his arms and she hugged him back, not minding that he smelled of sweat and rust, or that his chainmail wasn't the most comfortable thing to be pressed against. She tried to stop herself, but the tears came anyway. Well, letting the soldiers see the Warden-Commander sobbing like a little girl was a small price to pay for seeing her brother.

"Now," she sniffed as they finally pulled apart, trying to wipe her nose elegantly and failing, "there's someone I want you to meet. And I want you to stay calm and…"

"Nathaniel Howe, right?" Fergus asked, glancing at the people by the doors. "I already know."

"Oh Maker, what did Sigrun tell you?" Sarah sighed. Fergus chuckled.

"Only that you love him and he loves you and if I do anything to mess it up she'll have my kneecaps," he said. "Not that I have any intention of messing it up, if you really love him. Do you?" he asked, his brow furrowing in the look that Sarah had named 'the worried big brother'-look years ago.

"I do," Sarah smiled. "More than anything," she added, remembering the previous night.

"Then that's good enough for me," Fergus said and hugged her again. "But I think I still need to give him the speech explaining what I'll d to him if he harms you. It's a brother thing, you see."

"Okay," Sarah smiled. She had to admit, if Fergus hadn't been so protective, she might've been a little disappointed in him. He took her arm and they headed towards the stairs.

…

"Do you think you could talk some sense into Varel?" Nathaniel turned to look at Sarah, who had rushed into the room and slammed the door close behind her, looking tired and annoyed.

"What did he do this time?" he asked.

"He's refusing to stay in bed and rest! He almost had his arm chopped off! He needs to rest! But no, it's all 'I have a duty' and 'this needs doing'," Sarah slunk into the chair opposite Nathaniel. "I swear, that man is incapable of just relaxing!"

"What did you do?" Nathaniel asked, doing his best to hide his smile. She was simply too adorable, with her hair a little messy and her eyes sparkling angrily.

"I shouted at him. Didn't work. So I left Floyd there to make sure Varel stays in bed."

"You ordered your mabari to guard him?" Nathaniel couldn't help it, the grin spread on his face. "That is about the hundredth reason why I love you," he added, reaching to take her hand over the table.

"I'm a very lucky girl to have someone so easily impressed in love with me," Sarah said teasingly. Nathaniel got up, moved to her side of the table and pulled her up into his embrace. He loved the little gasp she made when started tracing her neck with his lips, and the way she buried her fingers in his hair. He loved everything about her, and it made no sense waiting any longer.

"Marry me," he gasped out the words between kisses. She tensed, her fingers sliding out of his hair, and she took a step back.

"What?" she was staring at him and he realized that he'd actually said those words. Out loud. To her. But it made perfect sense.

"Marry me," he repeated, taking hold of her hands. "I love you. I've never loved anyone like this and I never will. I've been carrying this ring with me and I've been planning to propose after a perfect evening with the right food and mood and whatever, but… Every moment with you is perfect, so why wait? So," he smiled at her, and let go of her hands to find the ring in his pocket and held it out for her, "will you marry me?"

"I was just complaining about Varel and now you're asking me to marry you," Sarah said slowly, staring at Nathaniel, her face almost blank. Then she looked at the ring, and back at Nathaniel, and her face broke into a smile. "One more reason why I love you, I guess."

"Is that a yes?" Nathaniel asked, arching an eyebrow. "With you, it's sometimes hard to…" Sarah kissed her, her body pressing against his so suddenly that he almost dropped the ring, but managed to hold onto it.

"Yes, that is a 'yes'," Sarah said, her arms wrapped around his neck. "I will marry you."

…

It was a couple of hours later and they were lying on the bed.

"I think Sigrun got some new stories to tell," Sarah giggled, stretching and then curling against Nathaniel. He pulled her into a kiss and she returned it slowly, savouring his taste. Maybe this wasn't exactly how she'd imagined getting engaged was like when she was a kid. Those dreams had entailed all the romantic necessities such as the man kneeling down and maybe giving a chaste kiss afterwards. Wearing nothing but the engagement ring in bed with the fiancé right after the proposal hadn't been featured in any of the romance novels she'd read. But those books were rubbish.

"If I had any strength left, I'd suggest we give her something more to tell about," Nathaniel said, his head dropping onto the pillow.

"I think she has enough material for now," Sarah said, pulling the bed sheets over them. "Speaking of telling about things, do you want to be the one telling about the engagement?"

"Oh Maker, can't we just elope and never talk about it?" Nathaniel sighed. "I want to marry you, more than anything, but… The ceremonies and the party and everything! I know for certain that Delilah will insist on planning the whole ceremony, or at least tag along to give you advice on the wedding dress and decoration and what to serve and... And Anders, Anders will insist we get only good-looking bridesmaids. And Oghren… Oh sweet Andraste, why am I thinking about Oghren when I'm in bed with you?" Nathaniel sounded so desperate that Sarah gave him a quick kiss on cheek.

"We can get Oghren so drunk he forgets to come to the wedding," she said. "And I don't mind Delilah planning the whole thing if she wants. And Anders, well, I'll get Zev to distract him. But I think you should tell Fergus, and ask him for my hand. It's pretty silly, since you already have my hand, but… You know, tradition and all. And he'll enjoy being the protective brother."

"I already have your hand?" Nathaniel laughed.

"Yes, you do," Sarah replied, wiggling her fingers in front of his face. "And since you have it, would you happen to have any wishes to as what I should do with it?" Her attempt at an innocent smile was ruined by the impish spark in her eyes and Nathaniel suddenly realized he wasn't as tired he'd thought he was.

"I might have some ideas," he said and pulled her into a kiss, during which her hand did manage to travel quite interestingly across his body. Yes, Nathaniel thought hazily before concentrating completely on her, certainly a hand worth asking for from thousand protective brothers.

...

Note from the writer: Comments are once again welcome, if you're able to think after all that fluff. :) There's still one chapter (or epilogue, I'll have to see how it turns out) to come and then this is done. Wow. I hope you've enjoyed reading as much as I've enjoyed writing this, and I hope you check out the last chapter (it will be posted before the 22nd, when the demo for DA2 comes out, that I promise).


	14. Epilogue: The Father

**Epilogue – The Father**

"It's my turn now! Dad said you need to let me try too so it's my turn no-o-o-o-ow!"

Fergus Cousland smiled as he sneaked to the window and looked out at the courtyard, where Sandra and Timothy were arguing over a wooden sword. Sandra was holding the sword above her head and her brother was jumping up and down frantically, trying to reach it.

"Stop teasing Timmy!" Amelia had been making a snowman, or actually a snow elf, although she was having troubles making the ears stick to the head, but she ran to her big brother's aid. Sandra laughed and gave the sword to Timothy, then kneeling to hug her sister.

"Come on, help me get the ears right!" Amelia dragged Sandra towards the snow elf, leaving Timothy to twirl the sword and try to hack pieces from a snow darkspawn they'd built the previous day.

"Spying on the kids, now are we?"

"Just checking to see if they're alright," Fergus turned around to look at his wife, leaning on the doorway and smiling at him. "Are you?" he added, a hint of worry in his voice. "You should sit down, you…"

"Darling, I'm pregnant, not ill," Claire laughed, but walked to the sofa and sat down slowly, holding her stomach. "But I really wish this thing would just come out of me! Trust me, if I'd known pregnancy was like this, I would've been happy with just three kids."

"But you are beautiful," Fergus sat down next to her and wrapped his arm around her, leaning to kiss her hair and then the pointy end of her ear. He knew she loved it, although she tried to suppress the little sigh as his lips brushed against her ear the second time.

"Oh yes, ignore my discomfort and just adore me," Claire sniffed, but then pulled him for a kiss.

…

Fergus didn't always know whether he was allowed to be as happy as he was. He'd lost almost everything, but now he was happier than he'd ever been.

Sometimes he did think about Oriana and Oren, it was only natural, but he no longer felt guilty like he'd done before. They had died, and it hadn't been right, but as Nathaniel had told him, he shouldn't feel bad for surviving. And finding new love wasn't something to feel guilty about either, especially since he hadn't even set out to find it; it had simply happened.

Fergus hadn't spoken to Claire much in Vigil's Keep. Varel had been injured and Sarah had forbidden him to even get close to his office, so Claire had taken on most of the Seneschal's duties. Fergus had remarked to Sarah that he might need someone like Claire back at Highever, where the rebuilding was almost over, but all the other duties of Teyrn were making his head hurt. He hadn't actually expected his sister to ask Claire to accompany him back to Highever, but nevertheless, the elf had done just that.

"Just… just give me a room, lots of paper and don't bother me," had been Claire's words when Fergus had presented her with the paperwork that had been piling to his desk, and the floor. He'd done as she asked, apart from not bothering her, since he felt like he should have some say in whatever it was she was doing; after all, he was the Teyrn. She'd gently talked him through the paperwork and, when words were failing, taken him out on horseback to see with his own eyes what kind of decisions he needed to make.

The changes had taken almost three months, but then she'd announced that she believed that he could handle things himself and that she should return to the Vigil. Just like that, an off-hand remark over the dinner table before asking him to pass the salt, and Fergus had felt his heart sink. She couldn't leave, not so soon, not when there were so many things they could still do, so many things… Then his mind had ran out of excuses to why he really wanted her to stay and he'd reached over the table, taken her hand and told her he loved her.

She'd stared at him like he'd lost his mind and then, very slowly, had told him all the reasons why it was impossible for anything to happen between them. His status, her race, his duties, the people and their expectations for him… the longer the list had grown, the harder it had been for Fergus not to smile. Finally she'd stopped and asked him why he was smiling.

"All those reasons, but you haven't said that you don't love me," he'd pointed out and watched her blush, the first time she'd ever blushed in front of him.

"That's not the point!" she'd finished the conversation and rushed out. Fergus had felt like he should be crushed, but he hadn't been. She hadn't told him that she didn't love him.

The next day she'd avoided him, and the day after that as well. On the third day Fergus had decided that enough was enough and had been on his way to talk to her when a guard had come to tell him that Sarah and Nathaniel had arrived.

It had been raining all day so they'd been drenched, as had been the three kids they'd had with them.

"We couldn't leave them at their 'caretakers'," Sarah had explained as they all had made it into the main hall, making the last word sound like a curse. "You should've seen that wretched inn, Fergus, it was… they were sleeping in the kitchen floor, and those clothes, they're just rags! Those people claimed to be their family, but they treated those two like dirt." She'd pointed at the girl and the boy, huddling together close to the fire next to Floyd. "You know, the girl, Sandra, she's only twelve, but she came to me and her eyes were like an old woman's and she begged if I knew anywhere they could go. We had to do this."

"What about her?" Fergus had pointed to the youngest child, a blond elf girl curled in Nathaniel's arms, unwilling to let go.

"Amelia," Sarah smiled sadly. "She was sitting by the roadside, next to her dead mother. The woman had simply collapsed, I don't think she'd eaten anything for days, and the girl had woven flowers into her hair. When I tried to talk to her she told me that her mommy was with Andraste now, but she herself had no place to go." Sarah had sniffed, wiping the tears from her cheek quickly before the children noticed it. "And suddenly we had three kids with us and I couldn't think of anywhere to come but here. Good thing we were only three day's journey away."

"You did the right thing," Fergus had said, even though watching the children, especially the boy, had brought back such painful memories of Orlen that he'd thought his heart might burst. "If they wish, this is their new home now."

The kids had eaten, had warm baths, and a quick trip to the nearest village had even yielded them some proper clothing. A room had been prepared for them, and after they'd gone to sleep Fergus had finally remembered what he had been supposed to do earlier. He'd seen her many times during the day, helping organize things for the children, but they hadn't spoken, even once. While he'd still contemplated whether he should go look for Claire, he'd almost bumped into her, waiting for him outside his room.

"You just took those children in," she'd said, looking almost shocked. "Two human orphans and an _elf_ girl. You don't know them and you just took them in."

"What else could I have done?" he'd asked and she'd rushed to him, hugging him.

"You were right," she'd muttered against his shoulder. "I can't say that I don't love you."

"I knew that," Fergus had replied and kissed her.

…

"You're not even listening," Claire said and Fergus snapped back to the present moment.

"Sorry, my dear, what did you say?" he asked.

"I was saying that I think you should've gone to the royal wedding," Claire said. "To show your support and loyalty and, well, whatever. And the kids would've loved Denerim."

"We'll take them once you can travel too," Fergus replied. "And besides, it'll be much more fun travelling with four children than three. If we have a baby with us, we can tell the other three that they need to be quiet so the baby won't wake up. It'll be a perfect, peaceful journey."

"Sometimes I'm not sure if you should be allowed to raise children," Claire sighed. "Mr. Please-put-daddy's-sword-down-daddy-will-give-you-your-own-sword-if-you-do."

"It's a wooden sword, they're not going to hurt themselves with it. At least not fatally," he added with a grin.

"Well," Claire said, pretending that she hadn't heard the last bit, "I have to say I'm happy you're here. And that you prefer us to a royal wedding."

"A castle full of pompous fools or you and the kids? Not a difficult choice," Fergus smiled and kissed her. With her, he felt like a king every day.

…

King Alistair – Maker, it still sounded so strange. King. Kiiii-ing. Nope, he wasn't used to it yet. _Alistair_ snuck out of the bed and tried to find something to wear. That was the problem with living in a palace full of servants; they hid all your other clothes somewhere and then you had to make do with what you were wearing, at least until the servants deigned to come in and give you some new clothes to wear.

The clothes from the previous night wouldn't do, however, since the outfit was the most ridiculous one he'd ever worn. Sure, it had been his wedding, but at least he could've worn something that didn't make him look like a sparkling golden statue. Then again, it was tradition, or at least that what they'd claimed, so he'd just gone along with it.

He glanced over to the bed, where Elena was still asleep. A warm feeling flushed through his body and he smiled. At first the thought of an arranged marriage had scared him to death. He'd imagined that they would treat each other like strangers, having polite conversations and possibly arranging a timetable for the bedroom aspect of the marriage duties, to be performed at certain times and with as little fuss as possible. Well, all those frightening options had flown out the window, especially the last one. Come to think of it – Alistair glanced at the window closest to the bed – one of his socks might've also flown out the window the previous night, when undressing had suddenly become a competitive sport.

He still didn't love her, but even if the feelings he had were not love, they were not far from it, and they were not bad at all. When they'd first met, she might've actually been the more nervous one of them, which Alistair had though would be impossible, but soon they'd started to talk about their nervousness, which had helped them get over it, and then they'd moved on to other topics.

He'd never had as easy time talking to a woman as he had with Elena. Well, maybe with Sarah, but still it felt different. She was smart, and opinionated, once she realized he wouldn't ridicule for having opinions only because she was a woman, and even though she'd only meant to stay for three days, to get to know him and then let him ponder whether she was the one, he'd asked her to stay longer. They'd talked more, taken rides outside the city, and even spent an evening keeping shelter from the rain in an abandoned hut and finding very innovative ways to stay warm. It was there he'd finally asked her to stay for good.

It wasn't love like in romance stories, blooming from the first instance. It was something that was still shaping, still changing and growing. But it was right, and it made him feel happy. She understood him, he understood her and could respect her, and, yes, like Eamon had pointed out too many times, she could give him children.

Every time the subject of children came up, Alistair felt uneasy. No one knew, no one except Sarah, and of course Morrigan, that he already had a child. He'd tried to tell himself sometimes that maybe he didn't, maybe the ritual had failed, but since both he and Sarah lived, it was unlikely that something had gone wrong. He had a child, a child he probably never would meet, a child whose mother was a woman he didn't like or trust.

Maybe it had been selfish, wanting to live so badly that he agreed to the ritual. But then again, maybe he would've gotten hurt or died before they reached the Archdemon, and it would've been Sarah facing the creature on her own and dying when killing it. He hadn't done it only for himself, but for Sarah as well.

There was no point in dwelling in the past, since he couldn't change it. He could only hope that one day a young man or a woman wouldn't turn up at the gates to proclaim their right to the throne. Or proclaim their right to the world, who knew what the power of the Archdemon could do to a child. If that day came, then he'd have to find a way to make things right. Until then, he could only live as best as he could.

"I appreciate you posing for me, but how about getting back to bed?" Elena pushed her curly blond lock from her face and smiled at him sleepily. Alistair realised that he had been standing next to the window for quite some time, and he was starting to get a little chilly.

"Only because the servants haven't brought me new clothes," he said, slipping back under the covers. Elena grinned and kissed him.

"Didn't I tell you? I told them not to bother coming in today," she said, "Except to bring us food. But darling husband, no clothes for you today."

"Already giving orders to the servants, are we?" Alistair asked.

"Like a queen," she smirked and curled against him. Alistair pulled her close and closed his eyes. As far as he was concerned, this was perfection. Once you let go of the past and embraced the present, the future looked much better.

…

The graveyard was quiet; not many people visited it at the light of dawn. Nathaniel walked slowly past the huge headstones of nobles, then the smaller ones of merchants and finally the modest ones of ordinary folk. The grave he was looking for was at the far end of the graveyard, where people with no money or family were buried. It was marked only by a small stone without any engravings, already almost lost under weeds. Nathaniel stared at it for a moment, then sat down and brushed his hand against the stone, pulling off some weeds.

"Hello, father," he said, almost startled by the sound of his own voice in the silence. He wasn't certain why he was there, again. Like he'd been every year at his father's birthday for the past four years. It had been a tradition, a way to try to make peace with his past.

"I still don't understand," Nathaniel continued. Maybe talking to a gravestone was a sign of insanity, but it was better to let the words out than to keep them inside, circling his brain until they made him hurt. "But you know what, father? I don't think I need to understand."

He'd spent all those years wondering what had driven his father to betray his oldest friend, to murder and torture and… To do all those unspeakable things that Nathaniel hadn't wanted to believe. He'd felt like he needed to know, because even though he'd had his problems with his father, being a bad parent is not a small step away from being a murderer. At least that's what Nathaniel had wanted to believe.

"I can't keep doing this anymore," he sighed. "The more I try to understand, the worse I feel." He looked around him, trying to collect his thoughts and say exactly what he wanted.

"I can't waste any more of my life thinking about you, trying to find reasons and justifications to your actions. Because honestly, father, there is nothing I can think of to explain your actions." He'd kept thinking there had to be, and that he had to be the one to discover them, because he was the son. A son needed to know his father, needed to know the man who'd brought him up, who'd he become like.

"I'm not like you. If you had lived, if all your plans had succeeded… I think I would've been the one to kill you. Because there was no excuse to your actions. You stopped being my father the night you ordered the murder of the Couslands." Nathaniel got up, giving the stone one last look.

"I disown you and all your evil deeds. I'm still a Howe, but only as my mother's son and my sister's brother. As a proud grandchild of a Grey Warden. But you… You're nothing to me anymore. I will not spend any more time thinking about you and wondering if there's something I could've done. I'm finally completely free from you. Goodbye, arl Rendon Howe."

Nathaniel turned and walked back the way he'd come from. It was the last time he'd walk this route. The thought was strange and liberating at the same time. The small stone would be soon covered in weeds and the few people walking past it at the furthest corner of the graveyard wouldn't even know there was a grave there. Like it should be.

Sarah was sitting on the fence of the graveyard, her feet dangling in air. She'd cut her hair again last week, saying she was tired of long locks that got in the way everywhere, and her hair was fairly short, forming sort of a fuzzy halo around her face. When she saw Nathaniel, she hopped down from the fence and ran to his arms. Exactly what he'd needed. He pulled her against his chest and buried his face in her hair, inhaling her scent and allowing himself relax for the first time since he'd walked through the gates of the place.

"You're alright?" she asked when they pulled apart, and her hand brushed his cheek, wiping a tear from his cheek.

"I am now, since you're here" he replied, and she gave him a crooked smile.

"You know, that was exactly like a line from one of those romance novels you keep sending Delilah. Do you read them in secret?"

"Maybe," Nathaniel said, trying to keep his face straight. She gave him a light kiss on the lips and then pulled away, taking his hand.

"Home, then?" she asked, and Nathaniel smiled. "I think Del will shout at me for buying all those presents for the kids, but, come on, I'm auntie Sarah, it's my right, my duty, to buy lots of stuff."

"Like you did with Timmy, Sandra and Amy?" Nathaniel chuckled. "I wonder what you're going to do once Alistair has a child. Getting the perfect present for a little prince or princess won't be easy."

"I think I'll get the kid a mabari puppy. Since Alistair always got on so well with Floyd, I don't think he'll object," Sarah grinned. "I mean, some eaten socks and stolen cheese and hidden gauntlet and pee in his bedroll aside, why would he have anything against the mabari?"

"You are very wicked," Nathaniel stopped and pulled her into a kiss. "And yes, it needs to be a puppy," he muttered against her lips as they started to pull apart.

"So glad you agree, my love," she replied. "Now, come on! Going home, remember? If you keep kissing me every other minute, it'll take months to get there."

"I think it might just be worth it," he replied and she rolled her eyes and started to walk away. Nathaniel hurried to her side and wrapped his arm around her waist as they continued on their way through the city slowly waking up to a new day.

…

Note from the writer: Well, what do you know, that's it! Thank you so much for reading, commenting, faving and supporting this fic. I've had fun, I hope you did too. :) And maybe one day I'll return to check what's going on with these characters (depends a little what DA2 brings), so I hope to "see" you again if that happens.


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